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Many years ago in a town far away, I lived through a horror I still remember to this very day…
It had been a dark and stormy night in the little hamlet of DigestVille.
I did not awake as I often did to my customary jam and toast brought to me by my slave boy Sweabs.
“Sweabs! Sweabs!” I shouted at the top of my lungs, but to no avail. This angered me, Sweabs knew the consequences if he was late. He would be forced to watch all of Gigli, and once he had finished that he would be required to peel 107 onions with his teeth. I hauled my tired rear out of bed, and got dressed. I figured he had gotten lost in the town square going to purchase the fruits he used to make fresh jam every morning; the poor boy was awfully slow after all.
As I moved towards the front door of the Mayor’s Mansion, there was a loud BANG, BANG, BANG on the door. I swung it open, and who to my eyes should appear, but Sweabs’s good friend N8R.
“Newms, my dear boy what troubles you? Have you seen your infantile friend Sweabs?”, I said.
“M-m-mayor Indy, S-s-sweabs, sweabs has been murdered,” He replied.
“Murdered? When? Where? Who? What? Why? How?,” I wanted to make sure I covered all my bases.
N8R began his answer, “Last night. In front of the lab.” Sweabs did love a good nightly romp in the puddles in front of Gyron’s lab during the rain. N8R continued, “The who is btowncolt, but erm there’s more to that story, sir. You’ll have to see for yourself. I expect that will answer why, and um, well, how is also a bit hard to explain. Gyron was able to kill the murderer, but not before he suffered grave injuries.”
“Well, let us make haste to the lab, I must speak with Gyron, and see the damage for myself,” I replied as we headed off towards the lab.
As we neared the lab, I could see that I was apparently the last person in town to find out about these events, not surprising as I usually woke up around 3pm. I value my sleep, that’s how I live my life now, let’s just move on.
“About time you showed up!” shouted Hicks.
“All my pretty lady friends have already abandoned me!” Cried Bellisimo.
“The children and their families have all withdrawn from my school!” Lamented SycamoreKen.
“The sheep! The glorious sheep are scared! I must comfort them.” yelled Suaveness.
I could barely concentrate over all the complaints. Do they think this is why I became a politician? To fix things? Pffft, I’m in it for the ladies thank you, and the free meals.
Finally a voice of reason spoke out, it was Anthem.
“Mayor Indy!” He shouted. “Gyron will only hang on for so long he has massive internal bleeding, and he is missing his left leg!”
Truthfully, this did not disturb me, as I was just now laying my eyes on the bodies of Sweabs and his murderer. Sweabs had been ripped limb from limb, but trust me not before he was thoroughly violated by the perpetrator of this crime, our very own local sheep farmer, btowncolt. Only there was something strange, btown was covered in fur from head to toe. The only thing that could readily identify him was the tattoo on his right bicep which read, I HEART SHEEP (IN MORE THAN ONE WAY). Yes it was a very long winded tattoo, but that is not the point.
Anthem broke me out of my daze, “Sir, you must come quickly.”
“That’s what she said!” yelled Toxic Avenger.
“Erm, um, yeah sure, well anyways, like I said you really need to come quickly Gyron is fading fast, and his memory is already fuzzy, he has a concussion as well.” Anthem stated calmly.
A concussion? I thought to myself why that is nothing more than a headache.
Anthem lead me to Gyron, and before I could even speak, Gyron began reciting his last words, “I don’t have much time, I come from a long line of werewolf hunters, there is a den in this town. Btowncolt was one of them, but he was not an important piece of their hierarchy. There are four more, I believe, I know who two of them are their names are…..”
Gyron coughed and with that he breathed his last.
I returned outside.
“What is going on here?” Natstoned cried.
I replied, “My friends, we face an infestation of four werewolves among us. They must be eradicated. Each day we will vote for one of our own to hang from the gallows. Today will mark the first day. This evening we must hang a WOLF!”
It had been a dark and stormy night in the little hamlet of DigestVille.
I did not awake as I often did to my customary jam and toast brought to me by my slave boy Sweabs.
“Sweabs! Sweabs!” I shouted at the top of my lungs, but to no avail. This angered me, Sweabs knew the consequences if he was late. He would be forced to watch all of Gigli, and once he had finished that he would be required to peel 107 onions with his teeth. I hauled my tired rear out of bed, and got dressed. I figured he had gotten lost in the town square going to purchase the fruits he used to make fresh jam every morning; the poor boy was awfully slow after all.
As I moved towards the front door of the Mayor’s Mansion, there was a loud BANG, BANG, BANG on the door. I swung it open, and who to my eyes should appear, but Sweabs’s good friend N8R.
“Newms, my dear boy what troubles you? Have you seen your infantile friend Sweabs?”, I said.
“M-m-mayor Indy, S-s-sweabs, sweabs has been murdered,” He replied.
“Murdered? When? Where? Who? What? Why? How?,” I wanted to make sure I covered all my bases.
N8R began his answer, “Last night. In front of the lab.” Sweabs did love a good nightly romp in the puddles in front of Gyron’s lab during the rain. N8R continued, “The who is btowncolt, but erm there’s more to that story, sir. You’ll have to see for yourself. I expect that will answer why, and um, well, how is also a bit hard to explain. Gyron was able to kill the murderer, but not before he suffered grave injuries.”
“Well, let us make haste to the lab, I must speak with Gyron, and see the damage for myself,” I replied as we headed off towards the lab.
As we neared the lab, I could see that I was apparently the last person in town to find out about these events, not surprising as I usually woke up around 3pm. I value my sleep, that’s how I live my life now, let’s just move on.
“About time you showed up!” shouted Hicks.
“All my pretty lady friends have already abandoned me!” Cried Bellisimo.
“The children and their families have all withdrawn from my school!” Lamented SycamoreKen.
“The sheep! The glorious sheep are scared! I must comfort them.” yelled Suaveness.
I could barely concentrate over all the complaints. Do they think this is why I became a politician? To fix things? Pffft, I’m in it for the ladies thank you, and the free meals.
Finally a voice of reason spoke out, it was Anthem.
“Mayor Indy!” He shouted. “Gyron will only hang on for so long he has massive internal bleeding, and he is missing his left leg!”
Truthfully, this did not disturb me, as I was just now laying my eyes on the bodies of Sweabs and his murderer. Sweabs had been ripped limb from limb, but trust me not before he was thoroughly violated by the perpetrator of this crime, our very own local sheep farmer, btowncolt. Only there was something strange, btown was covered in fur from head to toe. The only thing that could readily identify him was the tattoo on his right bicep which read, I HEART SHEEP (IN MORE THAN ONE WAY). Yes it was a very long winded tattoo, but that is not the point.
Anthem broke me out of my daze, “Sir, you must come quickly.”
“That’s what she said!” yelled Toxic Avenger.
“Erm, um, yeah sure, well anyways, like I said you really need to come quickly Gyron is fading fast, and his memory is already fuzzy, he has a concussion as well.” Anthem stated calmly.
A concussion? I thought to myself why that is nothing more than a headache.
Anthem lead me to Gyron, and before I could even speak, Gyron began reciting his last words, “I don’t have much time, I come from a long line of werewolf hunters, there is a den in this town. Btowncolt was one of them, but he was not an important piece of their hierarchy. There are four more, I believe, I know who two of them are their names are…..”
Gyron coughed and with that he breathed his last.
I returned outside.
“What is going on here?” Natstoned cried.
I replied, “My friends, we face an infestation of four werewolves among us. They must be eradicated. Each day we will vote for one of our own to hang from the gallows. Today will mark the first day. This evening we must hang a WOLF!”
So many people to choose from, so little information. I think a little liquid courage should do the trick. Who is going to start the first mob, and who will they choose to hang?
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