Lots to agree with here, but I will say this: we knew the Russians, justifiably or otherwise, viewed Western expansion as an existential threat (it goes beyond NATO and the EU but those are the most obvious touchstones) to which there was a reasonable chance they'd respond militarily, and yet we persisted in courting nations like Georgia and Ukraine anyway. This despite the fact that it was patently obvious that apart from sanctions and strongly worded letters, we weren't going to actually do anything if they were attacked.
Therefore, I do think it's fair to say that we deserve some of the blame for what's happening here. We shouldn't have said in 2008 that they'd be joining NATO someday, or sent dumbasses like McCain over to loudly agitate in favor of Western alignment following the Maiden protests. I do believe Ukraine is essentially blameless for responding positively to our overtures, we run the world and they want to be in the kool kids club which is understandable, but it was on us to slap them in the face and tell them to tread lightly, because they were clearly going down a path that would lead to violence that they'd be left alone to face. That's what bothers me about our actions here.
Hoping we'd voluntarily not be looking to expand our sphere of influence is, as you say, probably naive. But the fact we're used to reckless American foreign policy doesn't excuse the US, especially since we are the most powerful nation on Earth and effectively the ones who run the global order. Which, by the way, also goes a long way toward explaining Russian anxiety vis a vis the West. IMO it's essential to remember that; all interactions between nations must be viewed in the context of American/Western hegemony.
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