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Jason Collins "comes out"

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  • Re: Jason Collins "comes out"

    Originally posted by Peck View Post
    I said it was a poor analogy but it was the best I could do with 30 seconds of thinking.

    She also will now be scarred for the rest of her life and how do you know this won't cause her to have trust, emotional & psychological issues for the rest of her life? But even if she doesn't it still does not excuse him for his behavior.

    Wrong is wrong
    I'd like to know whether he came out to her before he came out to the public or not.

    It's unfortunate for this woman. But I'd be slow to label her a victim. And quite frankly, she shouldn't be emotionally scared from a breakup. Even one that lasted eight years.

    I think the thing to remember isn't that he lied to her for eight years. From what I've read, he was closeted for 33 years. And by closeted, I don't think..unless you really talk to a gay person..that some understand what it fully means to be closeted.
    There's a level of closeted where the individual is even lying to themselves. Collins even said that it wasn't until the lockout where he had a chance to really think about himself, because he had been a creature of habit and never really had a time for introspection. Sure, he probably knew deep down. But there's a level of self recognition that coming out takes. It's not unusual for gay people to have had serious straight relationships, even marriage before. And it's unfortunate for the other person involved..but people break up for plenty of reasons.

    I have a very good friend who came out to me on his 18th birthday. I knew he was gay when he was 14. He didn't really come to terms with his sexuality until he was 16. I have another friend...who everyone knew was gay when he was 12...and he insisted he was not gay until he was 17 (and after dating all of his female friends..). One of the most influential people in my life is a lesbian (I suppose I might as well just come out as a hag now..). She was married. To a man. For six years.

    The norm is straight. Even if a gay person "knows" they are gay..there's a bit of self discovery involved. Perhaps even (okay, definitely) denial. And everything in their life leads them to living a straight life. The environment (unless they grew up in San Francisco..there's actually an adorable story about Darren Criss from Glee who had to come out as straight because he grew up in the theatre culture of San Francisco..where the assumption is you are gay.) Religion, family, culture etc..everything not only consciously leads a person to living a straight life but subconsciously as well.

    So although there are some people who know when they are 3, they are gay. And there are some people who, once out..can look back and say "yea..I knew." But there are some people who haven't had that moment of self discovery, or are in a state of denial..consciously or subconsciously..and although it sucks for the individual in the relationship with them. The breakup really isn't any different than any other breakup. Not in love any longer.

    edit: I'm not really sure I understand this debate about choice? Are people simply saying that although being gay isn't a choice, acting gay is?

    I suppose that is true. But I'm not sure why we'd encourage that. People in a quality relationship are happier. Happier people are more productive to society. (Not to mention the benefits couples bring to society, IE: adoption)

    Comment


    • Re: Jason Collins "comes out"

      Originally posted by Kstat View Post
      Until you walked in his shoes, I'm pretty sure you have no idea what you're talking about. A lot of gay men feel pressure to hide who they are in order to live a life without being discriminated against. Unfortunately, this also means faking a relationship with a woman.

      He's a marginal talent as it is. If NBA GMs thought he was gay, he may not have gotten drafted.

      Not saying I don't feel bad for the woman. She was definitely used. But it's not as if Jason Collins was happy with the arrangement either.

      Was it morally wrong for him to use her? Sure. But if you're casting stones at him, cast them also at the bigoted people who continue to put gay men in the position of being forced to make that choice. When the former goes away, the latter will stop happening.


      He STOLE 8 years of the woman's life and and left her in shambles. I don't care about the pressure as he made the choice to do what he did to her. It was his choice. There is no viable excuse for what he did, none what so ever!

      Comment


      • Re: Jason Collins "comes out"

        Originally posted by Kstat View Post
        "Scarred for the rest of her life?" Seriously?

        By that logic, nobody should break up with anybody, ever, for fear of permanent mental scarring.

        Wrong is wrong, but there are varying levels of wrong. This was not that severe.
        We'll just have to agree to disagree here. Obviously we have a very different take on the issue and I respect yours. It probably has to do with the fact that I have been with the same woman for as long as you have been alive in all honesty and I could only imagine something like this happening to me or for me to do this to someone.

        Relationships do appear to be more disposable in this day and age so that might have a lot to do with the way we view it as well.


        Basketball isn't played with computers, spreadsheets, and simulations. ChicagoJ 4/21/13

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        • Re: Jason Collins "comes out"

          Originally posted by Peck View Post
          We'll just have to agree to disagree here. Obviously we have a very different take on the issue and I respect yours. It probably has to do with the fact that I have been with the same woman for as long as you have been alive in all honesty and I could only imagine something like this happening to me or for me to do this to someone.

          Relationships do appear to be more disposable in this day and age so that might have a lot to do with the way we view it as well.
          I don't think its because relationships are more disposable, but rather I don't see how "I thought I was attracted and had feelings for you, but now I don't." Any more scaring for a gay man to say it or a straight man to say it. It's a breakup.

          Comment


          • Originally posted by Peck View Post
            We'll just have to agree to disagree here. Obviously we have a very different take on the issue and I respect yours. It probably has to do with the fact that I have been with the same woman for as long as you have been alive in all honesty and I could only imagine something like this happening to me or for me to do this to someone.

            Relationships do appear to be more disposable in this day and age so that might have a lot to do with the way we view it as well.
            In your day and age I don't know that women commonly dated the same man for 8 years without getting married or having children...


            Again, if she was that mentally attached to those things, she wouldn't have waited 8 years for them. I feel bad for her, but she still can have the life she wants.
            Last edited by Kstat; 05-02-2013, 05:03 PM.

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            • Re: Jason Collins "comes out"

              Oh please, this stole 8 years thing is so overly melodramatic it's absurd.

              This woman had a relationship that lasted 8 years. Clearly she was more happy than not or she wouldn't have chosen to stay for 8 years. She wasn't handcuffed down. 8 years later one party of the relationship expresses they are no longer attracted to the other. This happens every single day to hundreds or relationships, and the reason he's not attracted is really irrelevant. At least he didn't marry her and involve children in the mess. You want to get on a soapbox, let's take a look at people who get married for 5-10-15+ years, have 1-3+ kids, then throw it away with infidelity, because that's 1000000% worse and also (unfortunately) happens everyday.

              Poor poor heartbroken woman, gets 8 happy years dating a millionaire but doesn't get the dream family she wanted. Her life is ruined I tell you. RUINED!

              Comment


              • Re: Jason Collins "comes out"

                Originally posted by spazzxb View Post
                Kinda funny you choose to attack him, when its people like you who drove him into the closet. Yeah its horrible for her, that's why society shouldn't be encouraging people to pretend to be straight. Did your post have any other purpose than to whine about a thread and condemn a man who pretended to be what you want for his entire life? There are highly likely people in your church secretly fulfilling hidden desires. His actions are unfortunate, however don't ignore that society condemning gay people created the problem .

                Reading comprehension can be your friend. I explicitly stated why I posted, and it had nothing to do with MY PERSONAL BElIEVES! I posted pointing out he had a GF of 8 years who was devastated by his living a lie. If it hadn't been for pointing out the tv interview I saw, I wouldn't have wasted my time posting as I'm doing now. I'm done with wasting my time on this garbage. Done and finished.

                Comment


                • Re: Jason Collins "comes out"

                  Originally posted by Sookie View Post
                  I don't think its because relationships are more disposable, but rather I don't see how "I thought I was attracted and had feelings for you, but now I don't." Any more scaring for a gay man to say it or a straight man to say it. It's a breakup.
                  I have never been divorced so I can't speak from that point of view, which I'm just assuming is going to be the logical end to your argument. But from my understanding from people who have been divorced it is not something that has not left them scarred and devistated. In particular if they are the ones being dumped via surprise.

                  Again I respect your guys point of view but I honestly think you are blowing off what happened to her. But then again before I get all uppety (is that a real word?) I really should probably hear what she has to say. Or better yet, since this doesn't impact my life one way or the other I guess I should just let it sit.


                  Basketball isn't played with computers, spreadsheets, and simulations. ChicagoJ 4/21/13

                  Comment


                  • Re: Jason Collins "comes out"

                    Originally posted by Kstat View Post
                    In your day and age I don't know that women commonly dated the same man for 8 years without getting married or having children...


                    Again, if she was that mentally attached to those things, she wouldn't have waited 8 years for them. I feel bad for her, but she still can have the life she wants.
                    Common? No. But do I know someone who was engaged for 10 years before getting married? Yes.


                    Basketball isn't played with computers, spreadsheets, and simulations. ChicagoJ 4/21/13

                    Comment


                    • Re: Jason Collins "comes out"

                      Originally posted by Peck View Post
                      I have never been divorced so I can't speak from that point of view, which I'm just assuming is going to be the logical end to your argument. But from my understanding from people who have been divorced it is not something that has not left them scarred and devistated. In particular if they are the ones being dumped via surprise.

                      Again I respect your guys point of view but I honestly think you are blowing off what happened to her. But then again before I get all uppety (is that a real word?) I really should probably hear what she has to say. Or better yet, since this doesn't impact my life one way or the other I guess I should just let it sit.
                      If all you are saying is that, it's unfortunate for her to have had her heart broken after 8 years, then I think there's plenty of agreement.

                      I think the confusion is simply why it's so scaring. If you are just saying because it's a long relationship, and the breakup of those can leave people devastated. But I don't think he did anything wrong. She just happens to be a victim of society, similar to him.

                      I've just heard arguments that center around him being gay, in which I have an issue with. Like "he let her live a lie for eight years." Whereas, it's not that simple. And I think him being gay is irrelevant. (Actually, once this blows over..it might even be more of a positive. If a couple breaks up because one is a cheater..odds are that couple isn't going to be aimicable. Meanwhile, once she gets over the shock. They may still want to be in each other's lives in some capacity.)

                      Comment


                      • Re: Jason Collins "comes out"

                        Except I don't think anyone has excused him or given him a free pass for his behavior as much as to explain why that behavior existed in the first place, that it was in response to a larger societal issue. Not just a guy deciding to wake up one day and lead a girl on for no reason. For all we know, he may actually love her and was hoping his feelings towards her would change or evolve into what society deems as normal. Because, you have to admit, his life would be far less complicated if he could just convince himself to be straight. Who knows how long that struggle persisted inside himself.

                        Having said all that, and for whatever reasons it happened, I think it's absolutely awful that she's going through what she's going through. I feel really bad for her. No one deserves that.
                        Last edited by A-Train; 05-02-2013, 05:28 PM.

                        Comment


                        • Re: Jason Collins "comes out"

                          Originally posted by Peck View Post
                          Common? No. But do I know someone who was engaged for 10 years before getting married? Yes.
                          You know my younger brother???? (lol)

                          Yep, that certainly happens.

                          Comment


                          • Re: Jason Collins "comes out"

                            I dunno, maybe I'm overreacting to the responses, but far greater tragedies happen everyday all the time to all sorts of people. If the big tragedy of your life is you got dumped by the guy you thought you were going to marry, then you probably led a pretty good life. I wish this woman, and all people, all the happiness life can bring them, but honestly, this is a really, really, really insignificant hardship.
                            Last edited by Dece; 05-02-2013, 05:53 PM.

                            Comment


                            • Re: Jason Collins "comes out"

                              Both victims but it is hard to believe that she really thought it was going to end well after all that time. None of us know the kind of relationship they had i.e. how intimate etc so we are just speculating as to the amount of damage.

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by Peck View Post
                                I am not condoning or condemning for that matter Justin Tyme's thoughts on the issue, that's his personal choice and I feel he should be entitled to express it just as you are yours.

                                What I want to talk about is what Collins did to this woman. Now understand I am speaking out of turn here because I have not actually heard any interview with her, but if I am to believe what Justin typed (which I do) then the more I think about it Collins should not be just given the excuse of being forced to live a life he didn't choose.

                                I am by no means comparing the two in severity but to make a correlation here this would mean that a person who is poor would have a justification to steal and we should all just go "well society won't let him get ahead so while we don't think it's right, well it is". Again I know that is not the best analogy in the world but its what I came up with on the spur of the moment.

                                If he was with her for 8 years then at some point in time there he had a chance get out of it somewhere and he even would have had several opportunities to get out of it and maintain his secret if he so chose. He could have said he was interested in other people, he could have cheated; he could have just told her he was tired of her. There are many ways he could have gotten out of this and not made her waste some of the best years of her life in a false relationship.

                                Yea the more I think about that part of it the less I am willing to just give him a pass. She is now every bit the victim he is except in her case it is by someone she loved and trusted, not a faceless society like he was.
                                I was only connecting the larger issue in society to the cause. On a personal level its bad, however you can't complain about someone being gay, then also attack someone for the consequences of living a false life. I don't condone it, but I understand it. People being true to themselves is what will solve the problem. Sorry there are tons of "straight" married guys trolling gay personal ad sites. Its not about this guy. Its society's fault.

                                Sent from my HTC6435LVW using Tapatalk 2
                                Last edited by spazzxb; 05-02-2013, 07:13 PM.

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