The Rules of Pacers Digest

Hello everyone,

Whether your are a long standing forum member or whether you have just registered today, it's a good idea to read and review the rules below so that you have a very good idea of what to expect when you come to Pacers Digest.

A quick note to new members: Your posts will not immediately show up when you make them. An administrator has to approve at least your first post before the forum software will later upgrade your account to the status of a fully-registered member. This usually happens within a couple of hours or so after your post(s) is/are approved, so you may need to be a little patient at first.

Why do we do this? So that it's more difficult for spammers (be they human or robot) to post, and so users who are banned cannot immediately re-register and start dousing people with verbal flames.

Below are the rules of Pacers Digest. After you have read them, you will have a very good sense of where we are coming from, what we expect, what we don't want to see, and how we react to things.

Rule #1

Pacers Digest is intended to be a place to discuss basketball without having to deal with the kinds of behaviors or attitudes that distract people from sticking with the discussion of the topics at hand. These unwanted distractions can come in many forms, and admittedly it can sometimes be tricky to pin down each and every kind that can rear its ugly head, but we feel that the following examples and explanations cover at least a good portion of that ground and should at least give people a pretty good idea of the kinds of things we actively discourage:

"Anyone who __________ is a liar / a fool / an idiot / a blind homer / has their head buried in the sand / a blind hater / doesn't know basketball / doesn't watch the games"

"People with intelligence will agree with me when I say that __________"

"Only stupid people think / believe / do ___________"

"I can't wait to hear something from PosterX when he/she sees that **insert a given incident or current event that will have probably upset or disappointed PosterX here**"

"He/she is just delusional"

"This thread is stupid / worthless / embarrassing"

"I'm going to take a moment to point and / laugh at PosterX / GroupOfPeopleY who thought / believed *insert though/belief here*"

"Remember when PosterX said OldCommentY that no longer looks good? "

In general, if a comment goes from purely on topic to something 'ad hominem' (personal jabs, personal shots, attacks, flames, however you want to call it, towards a person, or a group of people, or a given city/state/country of people), those are most likely going to be found intolerable.

We also dissuade passive aggressive behavior. This can be various things, but common examples include statements that are basically meant to imply someone is either stupid or otherwise incapable of holding a rational conversation. This can include (but is not limited to) laughing at someone's conclusions rather than offering an honest rebuttal, asking people what game they were watching, or another common problem is Poster X will say "that player isn't that bad" and then Poster Y will say something akin to "LOL you think that player is good". We're not going to tolerate those kinds of comments out of respect for the community at large and for the sake of trying to just have an honest conversation.

Now, does the above cover absolutely every single kind of distraction that is unwanted? Probably not, but you should by now have a good idea of the general types of things we will be discouraging. The above examples are meant to give you a good feel for / idea of what we're looking for. If something new or different than the above happens to come along and results in the same problem (that being, any other attitude or behavior that ultimately distracts from actually just discussing the topic at hand, or that is otherwise disrespectful to other posters), we can and we will take action to curb this as well, so please don't take this to mean that if you managed to technically avoid saying something exactly like one of the above examples that you are then somehow off the hook.

That all having been said, our goal is to do so in a generally kind and respectful way, and that doesn't mean the moment we see something we don't like that somebody is going to be suspended or banned, either. It just means that at the very least we will probably say something about it, quite possibly snipping out the distracting parts of the post in question while leaving alone the parts that are actually just discussing the topics, and in the event of a repeating or excessive problem, then we will start issuing infractions to try to further discourage further repeat problems, and if it just never seems to improve, then finally suspensions or bans will come into play. We would prefer it never went that far, and most of the time for most of our posters, it won't ever have to.

A slip up every once and a while is pretty normal, but, again, when it becomes repetitive or excessive, something will be done. Something occasional is probably going to be let go (within reason), but when it starts to become habitual or otherwise a pattern, odds are very good that we will step in.

There's always a small minority that like to push people's buttons and/or test their own boundaries with regards to the administrators, and in the case of someone acting like that, please be aware that this is not a court of law, but a private website run by people who are simply trying to do the right thing as they see it. If we feel that you are a special case that needs to be dealt with in an exceptional way because your behavior isn't explicitly mirroring one of our above examples of what we generally discourage, we can and we will take atypical action to prevent this from continuing if you are not cooperative with us.

Also please be aware that you will not be given a pass simply by claiming that you were 'only joking,' because quite honestly, when someone really is just joking, for one thing most people tend to pick up on the joke, including the person or group that is the target of the joke, and for another thing, in the event where an honest joke gets taken seriously and it upsets or angers someone, the person who is truly 'only joking' will quite commonly go out of his / her way to apologize and will try to mend fences. People who are dishonest about their statements being 'jokes' do not do so, and in turn that becomes a clear sign of what is really going on. It's nothing new.

In any case, quite frankly, the overall quality and health of the entire forum's community is more important than any one troublesome user will ever be, regardless of exactly how a problem is exhibiting itself, and if it comes down to us having to make a choice between you versus the greater health and happiness of the entire community, the community of this forum will win every time.

Lastly, there are also some posters, who are generally great contributors and do not otherwise cause any problems, who sometimes feel it's their place to provoke or to otherwise 'mess with' that small minority of people described in the last paragraph, and while we possibly might understand why you might feel you WANT to do something like that, the truth is we can't actually tolerate that kind of behavior from you any more than we can tolerate the behavior from them. So if we feel that you are trying to provoke those other posters into doing or saying something that will get themselves into trouble, then we will start to view you as a problem as well, because of the same reason as before: The overall health of the forum comes first, and trying to stir the pot with someone like that doesn't help, it just makes it worse. Some will simply disagree with this philosophy, but if so, then so be it because ultimately we have to do what we think is best so long as it's up to us.

If you see a problem that we haven't addressed, the best and most appropriate course for a forum member to take here is to look over to the left of the post in question. See underneath that poster's name, avatar, and other info, down where there's a little triangle with an exclamation point (!) in it? Click that. That allows you to report the post to the admins so we can definitely notice it and give it a look to see what we feel we should do about it. Beyond that, obviously it's human nature sometimes to want to speak up to the poster in question who has bothered you, but we would ask that you try to refrain from doing so because quite often what happens is two or more posters all start going back and forth about the original offending post, and suddenly the entire thread is off topic or otherwise derailed. So while the urge to police it yourself is understandable, it's best to just report it to us and let us handle it. Thank you!

All of the above is going to be subject to a case by case basis, but generally and broadly speaking, this should give everyone a pretty good idea of how things will typically / most often be handled.

Rule #2

If the actions of an administrator inspire you to make a comment, criticism, or express a concern about it, there is a wrong place and a couple of right places to do so.

The wrong place is to do so in the original thread in which the administrator took action. For example, if a post gets an infraction, or a post gets deleted, or a comment within a larger post gets clipped out, in a thread discussing Paul George, the wrong thing to do is to distract from the discussion of Paul George by adding your off topic thoughts on what the administrator did.

The right places to do so are:

A) Start a thread about the specific incident you want to talk about on the Feedback board. This way you are able to express yourself in an area that doesn't throw another thread off topic, and this way others can add their two cents as well if they wish, and additionally if there's something that needs to be said by the administrators, that is where they will respond to it.

B) Send a private message to the administrators, and they can respond to you that way.

If this is done the wrong way, those comments will be deleted, and if it's a repeating problem then it may also receive an infraction as well.

Rule #3

If a poster is bothering you, and an administrator has not or will not deal with that poster to the extent that you would prefer, you have a powerful tool at your disposal, one that has recently been upgraded and is now better than ever: The ability to ignore a user.

When you ignore a user, you will unfortunately still see some hints of their existence (nothing we can do about that), however, it does the following key things:

A) Any post they make will be completely invisible as you scroll through a thread.

B) The new addition to this feature: If someone QUOTES a user you are ignoring, you do not have to read who it was, or what that poster said, unless you go out of your way to click on a link to find out who it is and what they said.

To utilize this feature, from any page on Pacers Digest, scroll to the top of the page, look to the top right where it says 'Settings' and click that. From the settings page, look to the left side of the page where it says 'My Settings', and look down from there until you see 'Edit Ignore List' and click that. From here, it will say 'Add a Member to Your List...' Beneath that, click in the text box to the right of 'User Name', type in or copy & paste the username of the poster you are ignoring, and once their name is in the box, look over to the far right and click the 'Okay' button. All done!

Rule #4

Regarding infractions, currently they carry a value of one point each, and that point will expire in 31 days. If at any point a poster is carrying three points at the same time, that poster will be suspended until the oldest of the three points expires.

Rule #5

When you share or paste content or articles from another website, you must include the URL/link back to where you found it, who wrote it, and what website it's from. Said content will be removed if this doesn't happen.

An example:

If I copy and paste an article from the Indianapolis Star website, I would post something like this:
Title of the Article
Author's Name
Indianapolis Star

Rule #6

We cannot tolerate illegal videos on Pacers Digest. This means do not share any links to them, do not mention any websites that host them or link to them, do not describe how to find them in any way, and do not ask about them. Posts doing anything of the sort will be removed, the offenders will be contacted privately, and if the problem becomes habitual, you will be suspended, and if it still persists, you will probably be banned.

The legal means of watching or listening to NBA games are NBA League Pass Broadband (for US, or for International; both cost money) and NBA Audio League Pass (which is free). Look for them on

Rule #7

Provocative statements in a signature, or as an avatar, or as the 'tagline' beneath a poster's username (where it says 'Member' or 'Administrator' by default, if it is not altered) are an unwanted distraction that will more than likely be removed on sight. There can be shades of gray to this, but in general this could be something political or religious that is likely going to provoke or upset people, or otherwise something that is mean-spirited at the expense of a poster, a group of people, or a population.

It may or may not go without saying, but this goes for threads and posts as well, particularly when it's not made on the off-topic board (Market Square).

We do make exceptions if we feel the content is both innocuous and unlikely to cause social problems on the forum (such as wishing someone a Merry Christmas or a Happy Easter), and we also also make exceptions if such topics come up with regards to a sports figure (such as the Lance Stephenson situation bringing up discussions of domestic abuse and the law, or when Jason Collins came out as gay and how that lead to some discussion about gay rights).

However, once the discussion seems to be more/mostly about the political issues instead of the sports figure or his specific situation, the thread is usually closed.

Rule #8

We prefer self-restraint and/or modesty when making jokes or off topic comments in a sports discussion thread. They can be fun, but sometimes they derail or distract from a topic, and we don't want to see that happen. If we feel it is a problem, we will either delete or move those posts from the thread.

Rule #9

Generally speaking, we try to be a "PG-13" rated board, and we don't want to see sexual content or similarly suggestive content. Vulgarity is a more muddled issue, though again we prefer things to lean more towards "PG-13" than "R". If we feel things have gone too far, we will step in.

Rule #10

We like small signatures, not big signatures. The bigger the signature, the more likely it is an annoying or distracting signature.

Rule #11

Do not advertise anything without talking about it with the administrators first. This includes advertising with your signature, with your avatar, through private messaging, and/or by making a thread or post.
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We?re Off to See the Wizards!

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  • We?re Off to See the Wizards!

    We?re Off to See the Wizards!
    Written by IndyHoya



    Fellow 55ers! This is truly the winter of our discontent. Today, like me, you probably sprang from your bed, peered out your window and only saw rainy darkness, bare trees, and patches of unthawed snowy lawn. You probably crunched your way to your car, grimly scraped the frost from the windshield, cranked a sluggish motor, and then went to your job with all the enthusiasm of a character from a subtitled black-and-white Swedish movie. Emerging from work, you grimly noticed that what little sun there once had been had already disappeared and your trip home was just as bleak as your original trip to work.*

    Like me, you probably have tried to combat your winter blues with the happy thought of a trip to Conseco and a Pacers home game. But, alas, when you got there, you found that the cold Indiana December has turned our team’s once-vaunted shooters into ice sculptures, as morosely frigid as our present depressing climate.*

    So what is to be done?

    Well, cheer up, fellow fun-seekers! The New Year approaches! Rest assured, our team’s lost mojo is about to be restored!*

    Effective Countermeasures Have Been Taken!*The Pacers’ current malaise lies not in Obie’s crazy rotations; not in Big Roy’s missing his baby hooks, nor in DG’s recently erratic shooting touch. Nay! These are all mere symptoms! Our real problems run deeper. I have consulted with experts knowledgeable in these matters. Our true problem is that we have been cursed! Yes, cursed! A malicious practitioner of the black arts has cursed our team!*

    But buck up! We now have a pretty good idea who the culprit behind it all is and, more importantly, what needs to be done about it. So how do we end this curse? Well….

    First, El Pacero, a dedicated practitioner of the Afro-Caribbean religion of Santeria, reports that since Wednesday’s loss in D.C. he has been sleeping on virginal white bed sheets bestrewn with laurel leaves. Furthermore, he now wears a big yellowed tooth, pried from the jaws of an old alligator, on a leather necklace under his wrestling jersey. He has also placed lit black candles and newly-minted copper pennies in strategic locations in Conseco Fieldhouse. Each of these measures, he assures me, is guaranteed to restore lost luck.

    Not to be outdone, Area 55′s own voodoo-meister and periodically-entranced shimmy-dancer, SuperFan, has slain a bantam rooster and daubed unseen portions of his body with its blood. He has also invoked the dark power of Orisha, the Yoruba god of good fortune, to cleanse the Pacers. More importantly, as you read these words, SuperFan is methodically sticking tiny pins into a small, doll-like effigy he has fashioned of Lakers coach, Phil “Zen Master” Jackson (The effigy is made from beeswax and bits of old Pacers’ game programs).*

    SuperFan assures me that the Pacers’ current statistical woes began immediately after our road win against L.A. He also advises that the Zen Master himself is almost certainly the party responsible for our team’s current spate of bad karma.

    Lastly, and just to be safe, Area 55 Chant Leader Kyle Brumback (a/k/a Kielbeze) — ursine resident of Hartford City and well-known practitioner of arcane Hoosier folk remedies — has concocted a potion (reportedly consisting of unrevealed proportions of stale beer, toasted bits of PTO bratwurst, hairs from particularly offensive members of Row 5, some Jim O’Brien toenail clippings, a few drops of Larry Bird’s bathwater, eye of newt, ear of toad, skin of fenny snake, a couple of cloves of garlic, and a few threads from a discarded pair of flannel pajamas once worn by Roy Hibbert). Yesterday, Brumback poured this concoction secretly into the Pacers’ Jacuzzi. After Danny and Roy take a leisurely pre-game soak, he assures me that the evil eye now on them will be averted. Not only that, Kielbeze says that the bad luck that was originally transmitted to our boys will be deflected back towards California and will be visited threefold on Jackson, the evildoer that put the bad hoodoo on us in the first place.*

    So watch your step, Zen Master. Our winning ways are due to return! And your time is coming!*

    PTO Doings!*Pacer Tailgating Organization VP/GM Casey O’Brien was missing in action at the Boston tailgate. His close crony and as yet unindicted co-conspirator, PTO President Aaron Coleman, consequently showed up again without O’Brien’s grill or fire pit. Hence, PTO participants tuning up for the Celtics were forced to wolf down cold ribs hastily purchased by yours truly from a local Barbeque Heaven This provided some drunken entertainment. PTO regulars watched in awe as attendee Tony Laurenzana (a/k/a Duke Dynamite) gnawed rib after slimy rib, personally accounting for the elimination of over half of those purchased. The Duke hails from Bedford, where he is well-known in competitive eating circles. He is supposedly biding his time, waiting until the Pacers season ends in 2011 to challenge our idol, Roy Hibbert, to a sit-down session at Bub’s. After seeing Dukie in action with those ribs, I will not be placing any money on Big Roy.

    Results of the Footlocker Jumbotron Shoe Race!*To my surprise, at the recent Celtics game the always exciting Dunkin Donut Race was replaced by an equally thrilling Jumbotron racing competition involving torso-less, multi-colored shoes from Footlocker. At the competition’s inception, Row 9 regular Brian Koller (a/k/a Pacers4Ever) immediately selected the ultimate race winner, a sporty yellow pair of athletic shoes, and then challenged me to a $50.00 wager on the pending outcome. (The $50.00 in Koller’s wallet at the time was a Christmas gift from his grandma, and I seriously doubt that she would have approved of the use he wanted to make of her generous holiday donation). After his previously stinging me for $5.00 at the last game I attended (when his pick, Cuppie Coffee, won the Jumbotron Dunkin Donut Race), I was smart enough to decline Koller’s sporting proposal.*

    I am now almost positive that Koller has somehow tapped into inside information on the outcome of these Jumbotron races and I’ve resolved not to be taken in by him again. I’m pretty sure he splits his take with the Jumbotron operator, whoever that is, who tells him who wins before every game. At any rate, I plan to write a letter to NBA Commissioner David Stern in the very near future asking him to look into this.

    Bandwagon Weirdness!*Area 55 got to see more of the Bandwagon mentality that presently infects Conseco at the Celtics game. As always happens when a supposed playoff finals contender comes to town, Conseco was invaded on Tuesday by a horde of green-shirted, shamrock bedecked bandwagon types cheering for Boston and rooting against the home team. One, weirdly, elected to sit in Row 10 of 101, right behind moi, Koller, and regular 55er Colin Lott who were ensconced in our customary positions in Row 9. After vocally dissing the Pacers at the outset of the game, Colin and I politely pointed out to the invader that such was not permitted under the Area 55 Rulez and that if he wanted to cheer for the Celtics he should relocate elsewhere. The nameless fan then claimed that he would do no such thing. We then told him that if he persisted, we’d get him removed. On hearing this, he stated that he “might consider cheering for the Pacers” if Colin and I both sat down so that he could watch the action on the court while sitting on his comfortable rump. We, of course, demurred and explained that sitting was something that true 55ers just don’t do and that this wasn’t in our game plan for the evening. The interloper did thereafter refrain from actively cheering the Celtics — sort of — but spent most of the rest of the first half grumbling about our erect postures. At half-time, he then made the thoroughly idiotic mistake of trying to induce Area 55’s usherette, Sandy, to order us to sit down. Predictably this proved unavailing. The yo-yo then spent the 2nd half sitting while we stood, but he seemed resigned and relatively chastened.*

    Plea #1:*Please 55ers. If you give your tix to replacements or otherwise favor strangers with the opportunity sit in our section, try to explain to them in advance what they’re getting into. Area 55 should not be a haven for bandwagon types like Mr. No Name that think it’s OK to diss the home team and cheer for a hated opponent. The whole lower level of Conseco seems to be available for that.

    Drunken Weirdness!*Other news of note from the Celtics game involved Kielbeze’s confrontation in 101 with a dentally challenged (his lower row of choppers was reportedly MIA), dipsomaniacal geezer seated in Row 5. At the game’s outset, the obviously intoxicated old-timer accused Kielbeze of supposedly “touching” him. He then got all macho and threatened to pop Kielbeze for the alleged offense. Not wishing to be distracted from the upcoming game, Kielbeze mercifully advised the idiot that he did nothing of the sort, but that if the man wanted to visit with him in the Anthem lot after the game, he would be happy to oblige. What followed thereafter was a game filled with bipolarity. There were proffers of good fellowship — with the drunken geezer purporting to make amends and professedly forgiving the totally nonexistent offense. These tidings of good will were then periodically followed with claims of new offenses committed , with the geezen suddenly becoming belligerent and accusatory, and griping loudly that Kielbeze had spilled phantom beers on him with the intent of shaming him in the presence of his tender grandson. (something again that never happened). At game end, the clown staggered out of Area 55 in the same manner he had arrived. Happily there were no visits from him later at the Anthem lot. Kielbeze is a big boy and the results to the man’s remaining teeth might well have been ugly.*

    Plea #2:*So Please 55ers, if you can’t make it to a game, do not give your valuable tix to toothless, obnoxious, and paranoid drunks, even if he’s a relative!*

    Pacers4Ever on Basketball – The NBA Defensive Three-Second Rule Explained!*In a feature new to this Newsletter, Area 55 regular and basketball savant, Brian Koller (a/k/a Pacers4Ever), has agreed to explain little-known aspects of the game to the clueless and uninitiated. Koller has previously regaled members of Pacers Digest with penetrating insights into Jim O’Brien’s coaching mistakes, Pacers’ management trading errors, and the general Xes and Os of NBA B-Ball. I can personally attest to Koller’s basketball savvy and deep knowledge of the game. One warning, however. Koller’s written communication skills are a bit eccentric. He employs a stream-of-conscience writing style with little regard for mere conventionalities like grammar or spelling. His style is also heavily influenced by a unique Hungarian immigrant background, possible undiagnosed dyslexia, and a youth spent impatiently tweeting incoherent abbreviations on countless NBA-related weblogs.*

    Anyway, Koller now brings his same insights and uncompromising style to the readers of our Newsletter. His mission today? To definitively explain, once and for all, the NBA’s mysterious Defensive Three-Second Rule! Have at it, Pacers4Ever!*

    “Ha Ha! LOL! OK! Tks! Itz EZ! C, wen the ball krosses the ½-line then the ref startz kownting 123 & if the uther team (the Dfence) has sum1 in the lane and the Dfensiv guy isn’t gardng any1 then the ref can call a T (a T = teknikal). C, U haveta gard sum1 & not just the baskut. U kant just stay there in the lane!. U gotta akt lik U R garding sum1. & U kant just stand ther in the lane & stik yer arm out and just akt lik U R garding sum1 wen U R not. But if U R in the lane on Dfence, U kan gard NE1, just so the 1 U R garding stayz ther but if sum1 doublez the ball, then the 1 that was garding the 1 with the ball has to still gard the 1 with the ball or els he haz 2 find sum1 elsto Dfend in ther or leve the lane b4 the ref stopz his 123 kownt. & if U dont do that, U get a T (but U dont hav to pay any $ for that kinda T to the NBA. Itz a diffrunt kinda T). NEway, if the ref givs out a T then NE1 on the teme that haz the ball can shute the T and then after that that same teme getz the ball. C! lik i sed, Itz EZ!”*
    “People don’t look at defense as a big thing in the League. I dont understand why, because defense wins” Dwight Howard

    Thank you Pacers4ever!

    Editorial Note: If this new feature is well-received, Mr. Koller has promised to explain the intricacies of the “Pick and Roll” offense in our next Newsletter! Stay tuned!


    How the Wizards Became the Wizards!*The team that is now the Washington Wizards originated in the 1962 NBA season as the “Chicago Packers.” In 1963, the team’s name was changed to the “Chicago Zephyrs.” That same year the Zephyrs pulled up stakes and moved to Baltimore, where the team’s name was again changed — this time to the “Baltimore Bullets.” In 1973, the team’s owner moved the Bullets from Baltimore to Landover, Maryland in the Washington D.C. suburbs, where the team began playing under the name of the “Capital Bullets” while waiting for a new arena, the Capital Center to be built. In 1995, the Bullets’ owner, Abe Pollin, announced he had decided to again change the team’s name because the name,“Bullets” had acquired a lot of “negatively violent overtones,” particularly given the high homicide and violent crime rates that were then extant in early 1990s D.C. The final straw reportedly came when Pollin’s longtime friend, Israeli Prime Minister, Yitzhak Rabin, was assassinated. Anyway, Pollin responded with a contest to choose a new name for the team. The choices were eventually narrowed to the Dragons, Express, Stallions, Sea Dogs, or Wizards. (Frankly, I would have picked the “Washington Sea Dogs,” but nobody asked me). Thus, on May 15, 1997, the Bullets officially became the Washington Wizards. They’ve been that ever since.

    The changeover to the Wizards generated some controversy at the time due to the fact that Washington is a predominantly African-American city and “Wizard” is a rank in the Ku Klux Klan. However, the “Wizards” name stuck and that’s who we’re playing on New Year’s Eve.*

    Accordingly, if you happen to see any guys in white sheets and stupid looking pointy hats at Conseco on New Year’s Eve, ignore them. Those are different Wizards and not the guys that we’re going to be playing.*

    Meet the Wizards’ Mascots – G-Wiz and G-Man!*Washington, as far as I have been able to tell, is the only NBA team with two – Count ‘em! Not one, but two! – official team mascots, G-Wiz and G-Man.

    Here’s G-Wiz:*

    G-Wiz, I guess, is supposed to be some sort of bewitchingly loveable creature of enchantment (note his pointy hat with the splash of stars) that is emblematic of magic and wizardry. G-Wiz is described thusly on his official website:

    “G-Wiz has been with the Washington Wizards since they opened the Verizon Center on December 2, 1997. Infamous for his Belly Shaking, Trick Shots and Cheering, he is a trusted and loved member of the team and community. Gilbert Arenas and Caron Butler (Inserted Editorial Comment: Arenas and Butler are no longer with the Wizards, they were both magically traded) believe that G-Wiz is that special ingredient that sparks super special energy that separates them from their opponents. G-Wiz is and forever will be, THE WIZARDS NUMBER ONE FAN!”

    There is bad blood between Area 55 Member El Pacero and G-Wiz. See this played out on video here:*

    G-Wiz is lucky Pacero didn’t figure-four his head and make him bleat for mercy like some of the women Pacero wrestles. I intend to get more info on the confrontation portrayed on the video at the pre-game PTO on the 31st. Have a brat and hear Pacero explain it all from the horse’s mouth there yourself!

    And what about G-Man? Well, here he is:*

    G-Man, apparently, is the mascot that does most of the Wizards’ ball-dunking, T-shirt throwing, and other muscled-up athletic stuff. Why the name G-Man? Well, Washington, y’see, is home to the FBI, whose agents are occasionally referred to as “G-Men.” I can only say that the Wizard’s G-Man bears no resemblance to any FBI agent I’ve ever seen (And I’ve seen more than my fair share of them in the course of my criminal defense representation of PTO VP/GM, Casey O’Brien). So, as for G-Man’s phony muscles, Batman gloves, and blue Marvel Comics Superhero uniform, as being FBI-related, I can only scratch my head and say, “Go figure!”.

    Do the John Wall Dance and Meet His Main Squeeze – Ms. Dalivia!*Aside from basketball, Wizards’ rookie point guard John Wall is famous for two main things. First, he is supposedly the “inventor” of the “John Wall Dance” a bicep-popping dance number that his videos say is now “sweeping the country.”*

    I fact checked this “invention” with two of the more knowledgeable Area 55 members with expertise in this area – i.e., noted Caucasian hip-hopper and Doug E. Fresh fan Markus Beresford (a/k/a Indianapolis Markus) and Area 55’s own soul dancemaster extraordinaire, SuperFan. Both set me straight and here’s the skinny: Wall didn’t invent “The John Wall Dance”. He just popularized it.*

    Markus and SuperFan differ however on one point. Both claim that they, and not Wall, were the ones that invented the dance. They also both claim to have invented the Hokey-Pokey, so take these representations with a big grain of salt.

    Wanta see what The John Wall Dance is all about?

    Here ya go!*

    John Wall’s other claim to fame is that his current sweetie is the fetching bikini / lingerie model, Ms. Dalivia. No marriage announced yet, but let’s hope for the best for the happy couple. Aside from her bikini-wearing and lingerie modeling, Ms. Dalivia has also appeared in a couple of videos put out by hip hop artist, Flo-Rida. I guess no further preliminaries are needed. So let’s get to it:

    Voila! Here’s Ms. Dalivia! -*

    Want some more? I’ll bet ya do! OK, here ya go! -*

    Just a word of sage advice to John (And I am now doing my best avuncular Clark Kellogg): Be careful, there, young fella! Make sure she’s not the type to kiss and tell. Just ask Dwight Howard, you don’t want an ex-girlfriend showing up later on “Basketball Wives” and giving you the bad mouth.

    Guess Yi Jianlian’s Age and Win a Free PTO Bratwurst!*There has been controversy over the Wizards’ Chinese-born forward, Yi Jianlian’s age. Several reports have listed his official birth date as being October 27, 1987. Others say that this birth date was intentionally falsified so that Yi could play longer for China’s national team in junior basketball competitions. Yi has refused to comment.

    Here’s the poop:*

    In 2004, Yi was listed as being born in 1984 at a time when he played in China’s big “Four Nation Tournament.” Chinese officials at the time claimed the 1984 birth date was “probably a typographical error.” Two years later, in 2006, Fran Blinebury, a sportswriter with The Houston Chronicle, claimed that Yi once told Shane Battier that he was 24 when the two were playing in an exhibition game just before the 2006 FIBA World Championship. However, this was later denied by both Yi and Battier. Still later in 2006, a senior Chinese Basketball Association official admitted that past Chinese youth squads had included players that were above the permitted age, and Yi’s longtime American teammate in China, Jason Dixon, told still another sportswriter, Chad Ford, that Yi was “21 or 22…It’s pretty common over [in China] to change ages”. In 2007, a Chinese government registration site that had been made public by computer hackers showed Yi’s actual date of birth as being 1984. Still later, in December 2008, a Chinese reporter announced that he had supposedly discovered school registration forms that listed Yi as being born in that 1984. So who the hell knows? If you can prove Yi’s real age, you get the bratwurst!*

    By the way, Yi isn’t the first Chinese player to come under age scrutiny. Former Dallas Maverick (and reportedly the first Chinese player to play in the NBA) Wang Zhizhi was listed as being born in both 1977 and 1979.*

    Meet Andray Blatche and Take a Walk in His Shoes! Er, Better Not!*One of the guys the Pacer’s are going to have to contain on the 31st is Wizards power forward Andray Blatche, a young, 5-year NBA veteran who was drafted by the Wizards out of high school. Andray, you may remember, torched us for 22 points on the 29th. He has a colorful history.

    In September, 2005, Andray was shot near his home in Alexandria, Virginia. The deed was done by assailants who were supposedly trying to highjack his car. According to a passenger who was there at the time, Andray was ordered to get out of the car but didn’t move fast enough and was shot before he could exit. As a result Andray missed the Wizards training camp in his rookie season. He recovered from his wound quickly, however, and eventually played his first game with Washington in November. Given that he did not play college basketball, the Wizards initially split Blatche’s playing time between the Roanoke Dazzle, their then-affiliate in the NBA D-League, and the Wizards in the 2005–06 season. After that, Adray’s pretty much been a Wizard (not the Ku Klux Klan kind, the other, basketball-playing kind).

    On August 2, 2007, Andray was charged with sexual solicitation in the Logan Circle neighborhood of Washington, D.C. after he was caught allegedly trying to pay an undercover police officer that was posing as a prostitute for some quickie sex. The solicitation charge was later dropped after Andray followed court orders and attended a day-long seminar for men who solicit prostitutes. Andray took careful notes at the seminar and has not repeated this unfortunate mistake to anyone’s knowledge.*

    Andray was arrested again on June 4, 2008, this time in Virginia on charges of reckless driving and driving on a suspended license for the third time. Andray was specifically charged with going 86 mph in a 70 mph zone in his Mercedes while cruising on Interstate 85. He was released on bond. I was unable to learn whether his license is still suspended, but my guess is that it might very well be.

    On January 9, 2010, Andray was fined $10,000 by the Washington Wizards for participating in Gilbert Arenas’ pre-game antics before a January 5, 2010 matchup with the Philadelphia 76ers. To understand the rationale for the fine, you have to know that Gilbert was being investigated at the time for an earlier incident involving his bringing guns into the Wizards’ locker room. At the Sixers game, Gilbert made light of the investigation by pointing his finger like a gun at his teammates and pretending he was shooting at them. Gilbert’s teammates (Andray, among them) were photographed smiling and affably chuckling along at Gilbert’s little joke.*

    You can view the mirthful incident here:*

    Speaking of Gilbert, his antics with Andray did not begin or end with the Sixers game. Apparently, Gilbert once defecated in teammate Andray’s shoes during Blatche’s rookie season.*

    Gilbert acknowledges now that this shoe-pooping prank did nothing to improve his injured reputation, as the pooping incident became widely known only after his later “guns in the locker room” fiasco. Says a defensive Gilbert:

    “I understand what people think because of the perception of me. They read the funny stuff, like me taking a crap in Andray Blatche’s shoes. But nobody is going to ask what Andray did to deserve it. You read about it because that’s when I’m at my goofiest, when I’m around my teammates. I don’t get in trouble outside of this building. You are not going to catch me drinking and driving, or picking up prostitutes (Editorial Comment: Is Gilbert referring to Andray here? Hmmm.). People don’t see what my teammates see, the guy who is in here three times a day working out. That’s the guy they don’t see.”

    Crapping in shoes does take talent, and it’s certainly good evidence of Gilbert’s shooting accuracy – both on the court and off. And as for Andray, does this mean that Area 55 will have a “Check your shoes!” chant ready when he gingerly toes the free-throw line tomorrow? We’ll see!

    By the way, what Andray did to deserve Gilbert’s shoe poop was this: In his rookie season with D.C. Andray apparently mistakenly thought that Gilbert was the one that had taken a scissors to his street clothes in a locker room (thereby forcing Andray to fly home from a road game in his sweaty, unwashed Wizards uniform). By way of revenge, Andray took it upon himself to throw Gilbert’s street clothes in the team’s Jacuzzi. Gilbert, justly angered, retaliated by squatting down and pooping out a couple of loaves in Andray’s shoes. See, Gilbert’s right! Nobody asks what Andray did to deserve that!

    Gilbert’s oral explanation of these scatological high jinks can be found here:

    Andray is also sort of famous for being robbed of a triple double by an unwary Wizards teammate. The video of this event is heartbreaking! And you can now say that you saw it here!

    But enough gratuitous sex, scandal, gunplay, and locker-room mirth! Try to show up in your seats early, 55ers, and start your chanting for the Wizards. I’m predicting a much needed win! The Wizards have yet to pick up a road win this year. Let’s do what we can to ensure that our game tomorrow won’t be their first.

    Go Pacers! Go Area 55!

    Joe Murphy (a/k/a Indy Hoya)


  • #2
    Re: We?re Off to See the Wizards!

    Originally posted by RoboHicks View Post
    Plea #2:*So Please 55ers, if you can’t make it to a game, do not give your valuable tix to toothless, obnoxious, and paranoid drunks, even if he’s a relative!*
    That!!! is so funny. Nice work!


    • #3
      Re: We?re Off to See the Wizards!

      Incredible read. You just made being an Area 55er way more intriguing than it already was. Have fun at the game this afternoon! I'll be there in spirit. Go Pacers!
      witters: @imbtyler, @postgameonline

      Originally posted by Day-V
      In conclusion, Paul George is awesome.
      Originally posted by Slick Pinkham
      Our arena, their arena, Rucker park, it just doesn't matter. We're bigger, longer, younger, faster, and hungrier.


      • #4
        Re: We?re Off to See the Wizards!

        These are great, IndyHoya. Nice work!