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Thread: The all new 2012/13 Area 55, G2 Zone & PTO thread....

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    Administrator Peck's Avatar
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    Default The all new 2012/13 Area 55, G2 Zone & PTO thread....

    Since there was no opposition from Area 55 members I am now going to make a new thread & sticky it for all Pacer fan sections.

    Please feel free to post any information or thoughts here.

    Hopefully IndyHoya will once again start giving us news that we can take to the bank.

    Also I included PTO because there is always questions about it like where is it, what should people bring, etc.



    Basketball isn't played with computers, spreadsheets, and simulations. ChicagoJ 4/21/13

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    Default Re: The all new 2012/13 Area 55, G2 Zone & PTO thread....

    Nice work tonight from my fellow Area 55ers and also G2zoners. Not our best effort, but good for the first preseason game, and I actually felt like there was improvement as the game went on. Just what we were looking for.

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    RING THE BELL! Sandman21's Avatar
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    Default Re: The all new 2012/13 Area 55, G2 Zone & PTO thread....

    Definite potential. Once we get the rookies in both sides up to speed, we'll be in good shape.
    "Nobody wants to play against Tyler Hansbrough NO BODY!" ~ Frank Vogel

    "And David put his hand in the bag and took out a stone and slung it. And it struck the Philistine on the head and he fell to the ground. Amen. "
    Want your own "Just Say No to Kamen" from @mkroeger pic? http://twitpic.com/a3hmca

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    Default Re: The all new 2012/13 Area 55, G2 Zone & PTO thread....

    Was fun. Can't wait till regular season.

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    Default Re: The all new 2012/13 Area 55, G2 Zone & PTO thread....

    Hey Area 55, G2, Pacers fans, Colts fans, AA members.
    Remember Saturday afternoon in the old parking lot on south street across from Arby's OPENING NIGHT PTO. If you have never been to a PTO this is the place to start usually the best turnout of the year. Crazies start rolling in between 4 and 5.
    Last edited by kielbeze; 11-01-2012 at 02:04 PM.

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    Default Re: The all new 2012/13 Area 55, G2 Zone & PTO thread....

    AREA 55 NEWS YOU CAN TAKE TO THE BANK!!!!!!!

    Salutations, long suffering ones!

    Yes, last night’s epic 96-94 fail in Minnesota was painful to watch. Confronted with a Timberwolves group that lacked Kevin “So Much Not to Love” Love, Ricky “Honey I’m Home” Rubio, and J. J “I’m a Guard You Never Heard Of But I’m Good” Berea, our guys fell asleep and let an unguarded non-entity named Chase Buddinger beat us at the buzzer. It negated a stellar, 29-point career night from George Hill, a solid effort from always reliable David West, and a foul-plagued, but pretty good defensive performance from our patron, Roy Hibbert. The Pacers now are 2-4 in the Central. We should be 5-1.

    Chemistry, my friends! Chemistry! Successful NBA teams are built on it and right now our guys are trying to find it.

    OK, we can point fingers and scream about this and that. But our recent problems, in a nutshell, pretty much boil down to Danny Granger’s knee. With DG having been wrenched out of our roster, our chemist in chief, Frank the Tank Vogel, has been forced to re-don his lab coat and search for the right molecules, chemical bonds, sub-atomic weights, and obscure valences needed to get us back on track. These things take a little time.

    So, fear not! Ignore the faithless! It’s still going to happen for us. It’s just a question of getting the right assemblage of electrons, neutrons, and protons back into the right formulaic sequence. Tonight’s game with the 0-4 Washington Wizards is exactly the kind of elixir our Pacers need to right themselves and find their missing molecular mojo.

    My bet is that the Pacers return to the warm confines of BLF not particularly happy. When our guys are like this, seething frustrations tend to translate into bad news for the opposition. If I weren’t so partisan, I’d almost feel sorry for what I believe is going to happen to the hapless Washington Wizards this evening.

    And remember this, 55ers! We are a small part of the Pacers home chemistry. Tonight, like our team, we have to bring it. Like the Pacers, we have a job to do. Nobody should be arriving in 101 late or leaving early. Nobody should be sitting down. No voices should be going home without being hoarse. There should be no let-ups in our noise level and the hell we need to visit upon the Wizards.

    We’re Off to See the Wizards! So who are our foes this evening? The Wizards are presently flopping like beached carp at the bottom of the Southeast Division of the Eastern Conference. In some ways their problems mirror ours. Their biggest guns – Maybyner Rodney Hilario a/k/a Nene and Former Kentucky star, Johnathan Hildred Wall, Jr. a/k/a John Wall – have been out with plantar fasciitis and a knee injury, respectively. The Wizards, as a result, have become unglued and basically have lost their moorings. Last night they lost another one at home 101-91 to the Bucks. The only team playing worse than them in the NBA right now is 0-6 Detroit.

    For what it’s worth, last year the Wizards had a similar dismal beginning, going 0-8 and precipitating the firing of their coach, the affable Flip Saunders. Flip was responsible for one of my favorite basketball quotes:

    “Don’t think it can’t get any worse, because it can!”

    So true.

    Washington comes to BLF extremely frustrated and probably clueless. Former Pacer, A. J. Price sums up their situation thusly:

    “We just need a win. We need a win. We need a win as much as possible.”

    The problem has been inconsistency. The Wizard’s coach, former IU-standout Randy Wittman, stated post-game last night that sometimes the Wizards get good games out of their starters and sometimes out of their reserves, but so far, never both. Key matchups for the Pacers will be Trevor Ariza and Emeka Okofor. If we contain them, then: Presto! The Wizards will be returning to Hogwarts for a refresher course in basketball legerdemain and likely transmogrified into 0-5 slices of buttered toast.

    PTO Doings: Unseasonable November balminess should make for heightened attendance at tonight’s pre-game Pacers Tailgate Organization conclave. As usual, the revelry will commence around 5:00 P.M.-ish and continue until just before BLF’s standard tip off time of 7:00 P.M. There’s a band competition in town today, Fun Seekers, so be prepared for $10.00 Parking prices in the otherwise placid facilities that surround PTO’s normal node at the South Street and Pennsy Street connection. Those Area 55ers, G2 Zoners, and the non-affiliated should keen their eyes for the Arby’s and then mingle at whatever parking area near the node that the costumed are congregating.

    The PTO is a good opportunity to get acquainted with the motley cast of characters that populate Area 55 and the G2 Zone. Warning! Many are schizophrenic, dipsomaniacal, and/or, like PTO’s VP and GM, Casey O’Brien, criminally sociopathic. Others are merely demented, like El Pacero, and not really dangerous.

    Females take notice! Some of the male attendees at the PTOs, like the cherubic and green-haired Elijah Helton are self-professedly lonely, have Profile Listings on Christian Mingle, and, the Lord willing, are in the market for life partners. Area 55 has had no intermarriage of yet. I hope to see at least one conjugal bond occur among our many members before my current lame-duck term as Area 55 Prez and Imperial Poohbah expires!

    Clothing at the PTO is optional. Also, bringing your own booze and eats is a good idea as hoarding is ordinarily the by-word until people like Hobert (That’s Hobert with an “E”) Montgomery gets drunk enough to share the Pabst Blue Ribbon he normally totes in from Lebanon. Informality is the rule and RSVPs are unnecessary.

    AND NOW FOR FUN FACTS ABOUT THE WASHINGTON WIZARDS!

    El Pacero Confronts G-Wiz! There is serious bad blood between long-time Area 55 Member El Pacero and the Washington Wizards. It all stems from a confrontation between our Mexican Women’s Wrestling Champ and Wizard’s Mascot G-Wiz that happened many moons ago. Fortunately it was captured through the magic of videotape here:

    http://tinyurl.com/36k7qhx


    As interested viewers will note, El Pacero was simply there in DC (as usual drunk – but harmlessly so) trying to watch a road game when G-Wiz abruptly accosted him and tried to pick a fight. Surprised at the unanticipated hostility and in the embrace of cerveza, Pacero was obviously not at his best at the time.

    Actually, G-Wiz is fortunate that Pacero didn’t respond by figure-fouring G-Wiz’ head and making him bleat for mercy – Pacero’s normal reaction with the mujeres he wrestles.

    If you want more info on this epic tete-a-tete you can interrogate Pacero himself at tonight’s PTO. I tried to get more of the particulars on this at an exclusive Area 55 Newsletter interview conducted last year. Unfortunately Pacero was intoxicated at the time and most of his responses were in an excited form of Tex-Mex Spanish. I recognized only the words “Un ataque injusto,” “Fuí muy borracho” and “¡Quiero venganza!” After that my poor powers of Spanish comprehension were exhausted.

    Where is Flip Saunders Now? I liked the Wiz’s (not to be confused with Cheese Whiz – which I don’t like) former coach Flip Saunders. He was the last in a long line of Wizard’s coaches burdened by the so-called “Washington Curse.” He came to epitomize the angst and pathos inherent in trying to pilot a team in the NBA basketball hell that is Washington. To name some of those dearly departed affected by the Curse consider Gar Heard and Darrell Walker, Leonard Hamilton and Doug Collins, Eddie Jordan and Ed Tapscott. Then came Flip and then (after going 51-130) he went - just like all his losing predecessors. The current uneasy occupant of that DC coaching chair is Randy Wittman.

    Good luck, Randy.

    Luckily after starting 2-15 last year and then getting canned, Flip was able to land a cushy job with ESPN calling games. In the cloistered world of NBA basketball coaching, no coach ever is really permanently gone. Generally once you’re in the club you always land another gig with another team sometime, somehow, somewhere doing something no matter what your performance record at your last gig looked like. And while you wait for that new gig, you can always do a year or so as an opinionated but knowledgeable (and well-paid) color guy with ESPN.

    Still, I miss Flip. He was always good for an incisive post-loss quote or a memorable but arguably belated good coaching move. Some favorite examples:

    (After losing to the Sixers) "The first half we looked like ‘Space Jam’ where everyone lost all their talents and couldn’t do anything there for a while."

    (After losing to the Jazz) “Palacio, Williams and Ostertag all hurt us in overtime. Those aren't the guys you'd expect it from.” No kidding!

    Asked if having to deal with the troublesome Andre Blatche on top of all the Wizard’s other issues surrounding Gilbert Arenas frustrated him, Flip was philosophical. Recalling his minor-league coaching tenure at Sioux Falls, Flip said:

    “It's not frustrating, having coached in the CBA for eight years. That's life; every day was like that.''

    To be fair, Flip had to contend with a lot in DC. Last year he memorably disciplined Wizard bonehead JaVale McGee after JaVale alley-ooped to himself off the backboard to perform a breakaway dunk while the Wizards were behind. Clueless, McGee defended his decision later by saying:

    "Apparently if you get a fast break and throw it off the backboard in the third quarter and you're 1-11, you're not supposed to do stuff like that."

    I could regale you with more tidbits of memorable Washington Wizardry but unfortunately it’s real late and I better go to press.

    Be strong 55ers. Tonight I think we win!

    GO PACERS! GO AREA 55!
    Last edited by IndyHoya; 11-10-2012 at 01:53 PM.

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    Default Re: The all new 2012/13 Area 55, G2 Zone & PTO thread....

    AREA 55 NEWS YOU CAN TAKE TO THE BANK!!!!!!

    Salutations, 55ers!

    Very happy greetings again to all in the Area 55 family! This is everyone's favorite second-year pro Jon LaFollette writing in place of our hoop-hat-wearing president, Mr. Joe. Mr. Joe is swamped with year-end work and yours truly, always willing to lend a helping hand (and being an otherwise unemployed journalism major– [I will write for food!]) is assuming the fill-in role. Hang in there, buddy!

    After turning a would-be rout into a satisfying victory over the Cavaliers of Cleveland Wednesday night, the Pacers (11-11) gear up to host the 76ers of Philadelphia (12-10). This is the first of four times the teams will go at each other this season, and marks the 171st game in the series overall (Philly leads the series 92-62).

    Going back to last year, the 76ers had quite the up and down season. After getting out to an impressive 20-9 mark and pushing for the Eastern Conference's best record, the team stumbled the rest of the year, winning a measly 15 of their last 37 games, and posting a final record of 35-31, squeaking into the postseason as the 8th and the final seed. However, they had a stroke of luck when they played an injury plagued Bulls team and beat them in the series 4-2, before taking Boston (their arch rivals) the full distance in a 7-game series. Coming up one game shy of the Eastern Conference Finals wasn't too bad for a team which essentially had no identity.

    In the off-season, however, the Sixers revamped and retooled their flavorless roster. Gone, now, is the aging Elton Brand and his enormous contract, as well as Andre Iguodala, the former face of the franchise. The team made a highly publicized trade in the off season to acquire center Andrew Bynum from the Lakers who, according to NBA.com's David Aldridge, is "at worst, the second best center in the league."

    The only thing is Bynum has yet to play a game this year and is now out indefinitely with knee issues. He reportedly re-aggravated the knee after a grueling round of bowling (was it a 7-10 split?). So, rather than helping his hometown team get to the next level, Bynum has used his injury-related free time to grow a really impressive Afro. Seriously. That doo ain't no jive turkey. Anyway, for the wheeling and dealing Sixers, it’s all a bit like Shaft getting on human growth hormones and trading his trench coat and rolodex (or binders) of ladies for post up skills and knees purchased from a glass china shop.

    Bynum's absence will come as a welcome relief for our fearless leader, Roy, who has been prone to struggle against his recently transplanted contemporary. Instead of Bynum, Spencer Hawes will likely start for the Sixers at center tonight. And where Bynum's lustrous 'Fro pays homage to the likes Richard Pryor, Dr. J, and Kobe circa 1999, Hawes' strange mullet-mohawk-mustachioed mix is more contemporary, paying tribute to the likes of Honey-Boo-Boo, Turtle Man and Billy the Exterminator.

    Aside from Bynum, Philly has also signed a few underrated, yet serviceable, guards in Jason Richardson (an 11-year pro who calls the Sixers his 5th team) and Nick Young (a 5- year pro who goes by the laughably awesome nickname of "Swaggy P," Swaggy P is worth a look on Twitter if you're curious enough). Neither are lights-out scorers, but both are plenty capable of filling up the box score and occasionally hitting shots when called upon.

    But even with the new faces, Philly’s scrappy success is mostly due to a trio of young players whom the Sixers have drafted over the last few years: Thaddeus Young (PF), Evan Turner (SG/SF) and Jrue Holiday (PG).

    Young, like the Pacers' own David West, is the workhorse of the Sixers. He's not their go-to offensive guy, but he can post a double double on any given night, be a handful on the glass, and occasionally create turnovers. Turner, in his third year, is averaging a career-best 15 points per game despite just shooting 43% from the field. He's young and streaky, but potent and dangerous - just ask Boston, who let him put up 23 points, 10 rebounds, 5 assists and 4 blocks last week. However, it's Jrue Holiday (recently signed to a 4-year $44 million extension) who has been the Sixers best player in the early part of this season. Posting career highs in points per game (18), assists (9) and field goal percentage (45), Holiday is undeniably the biggest reason for the Sixers’ ability to stay above .500 without Bynum, and is on the short list of players to win the NBA’s "Most Improved Player Award." Lucky for us tonight, Holiday's reportedly hurt and probably won't play.

    Philly's season has played out much like the Pacers', doing the best they can while key players are out with prolonged injuries. And, just like the Blue and Gold, they've succeeded in spurts, while struggling in spurts as well. Right now, they’re in a bit of a tailspin. Despite posting a 12-10 record, they've lost 4 of their last 6 with their most recent wins coming over a terrible Detroit team and a last second win over Boston.

    Meanwhile, the boys of Naptown are improving, having won 5 of their last 8 and seeming to have recently gained a semblance of momentum. Credit Paul George, who over the last 7 games has averaged 24 points and begun to show signs of becoming the high caliber player many think he can be. Also credit David "And One" West and his continued steady play, pugnaciousness and leadership.

    Two Hansbroughs Are Better Than One! With a quarter of the season gone and D.J. Augstin still not producing, Coach Vogel promoted Tyler ("Please Call-Me-Gucci-And-Not-Psycho-T") Hansbrough's little brother, Ben, to backup point guard on Wednesday. The results were quite pleasant. His 6 points, lone assist and 2 steals in 17 minutes may seem meager, but his tempo and "eagerness," for lack of a better term, were a breath of fresh air compared to Augustin's ongoing stagnation. Just like his brother, what Ben lacked in productivity at times, he made up for with hustle, spirit and any host of other cliched adjectives. Let's see how Round Two of the Brothers Brough turns out tonight.

    On a side note, the names Psycho-T and Psycho-B are awfully similar and, when chanted, sound almost indistinguishable. I know we could always revert to calling Tyler "Gucci," but it appears as if this appellation has yet to catch on (mostly because it's stupid!). So... I propose letting more creative minds come up with better nicknames for Mr. Ben (maybe Bensanity?).

    The Halftime Show Review Extravaganza! First things first. As much as I strain my ears, squint my eyes and focus my attention, I can never, EVER, hear what P.A. announcer Michael Grady is saying when he introduces the half time talent. So it is with much disappointment, that I have to refer here to Wednesday's entertainer as The Fine Gentleman Who Could Juggle Quite Well.

    Anyway, I loved The Fine Gentleman Who Could Juggle Quite Well. First, I’m always awed by a good juggling act. Second, and more importantly, I'm easily impressed. In fact, lately I’ve been spending a lot of my idle time gazing at videotaped pictures of Darwin the Ikea Monkey. Never heard of Darwin? Here ya go!

    http://tinyurl.com/cqebvbk

    Anyway, I am even more bemused when I get to watch someone do something that I find incredibly challenging - be it a reverse slam dunk or keeping a bunch of tennis balls suspended in mid-air in twirly fashion. Yup, juggling – any kind of juggling – just fascinates me! But what separates the really expert jugglers from ordinary rank novices is execution. Some can execute and some can’t. Compare that half time show a few games back that featured those off-sync dancing housewives with The Fine Gentleman Who Could Juggle Quite Well. Sadly, the dancing mom’s were blessed more with good intentions than talent, They couldn’t execute! The Fine Gentleman Who Could Juggle Quite Well's performance was, by contrast, crisp, brisk and professional. Actually, its simple and easy going nature belied the challenge. The Fine Gentleman Who Could Juggle Quite Well could execute, making the intricate act juggling seem almost routine.

    Oh, and did I mention The Fine Gentleman Who Could Juggle Quite Well only had one arm? Hey, I didn't call him handicapped in this review one time, did I?. And neither would he! GRADE: A-

    The Founding Five The Philadelphia 76ers' name is obvious given the City of Brotherly Love's connections to the founding of this country. But what isn't quite as well known is the Founding Fathers' connection to the great game of basketball. In what has become forgotten history, the seemingly uptight marble men of early America were actually wizards on the hardwood. In fact, when they weren't busy deciding how to run the country, many of our wig-wearing founders played a mean game of 5-on-5 street ball. In an exclusive Area 55 discovery (the perks of being a hard-nosed-lead-digging-journalist) I've discovered a written transcript of the player introductions from one of those very games. Apparently all players were introduced by Frederick Muhlenberg, the nation's first Speaker of the House (irony anyone?).

    "Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to Providence Hall! Get ready to meet your Philadelphia Freedom Fighters!

    Head coach of the Freedom Fighters, is BEN "ELECTRIC B" FRANKLIN!!!!!!!!!

    Your starting point guard, from King's College, standing at 5' 7" and wearing Number 0, get loud for ALEXANDER "MONKEY MAKER" HAMILTON!!!!!!!

    At shooting guard, from Boston Latin School, at 5' 7" and wearing Number 76, give it up for HENRY " FOXY NOXY" KNOX!!!!!!

    At small forward, from Harvard, at 5' 7" and wearing Number 2, get rowdy for JOHN "THE VP" ADAMS!!!!!!!

    At power forward, from the University of William and Mary, towering in at 6' 2" and wearing Number 3, make some noise for THOMAS "CHOCOLATE MILK" JEFFERSON!!!!!!!!

    And at center, from Mount Vernon, standing tall at 6' 2" and wearing Numero Uno, get on your feet for THE ONE! THE ONLY! TEAM CAPTAIN! G-DUB! THE GENERAL! GEORGE. WASHINGTOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!"

    From what I've read, John Hancock made for quite the sixth man.

    That’s enough for now, campers. Remember, the Sixers must be fended off tonight! With Lance out, we’ve gotta step in and be Frank’s extra man.

    GO PACERS! GO AREA 55!
    Last edited by IndyHoya; 12-15-2012 at 10:22 AM.

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    Default Re: The all new 2012/13 Area 55, G2 Zone & PTO thread....

    In trying to find information about Detroit's illusive fan section "The Power Plant"
    I found this. Old article I know but funny none the less.


    http://lifeondumars.com/2010/10/21/p...nt-get-online/
    If this isn’t a microcosm of what ails the Pistons franchise, I don’t know what is. The team is trying to find 50 hardcore, dedicated fans to ramp up excitement and support at home games this season. The fans, who would be sitting in what the team would call the Power Plant, would get free tickets in the lower bowl for all 41 home games. The only catch was that they had to commit to attending all 41 games, no exceptions. 300 fans signed up for the auditions … but only 11 people showed up.
    Now the team is scrambling to hold more auditions, including an impromptu session at Friday’s preseason finale at The Palace. The Pistons are a team that led or were in the top 5 in
    Last edited by kielbeze; 01-11-2013 at 05:45 PM. Reason: '

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    Default Re: The all new 2012/13 Area 55, G2 Zone & PTO thread....

    Kyle,

    One problem: I have a feeling that the stinkin Blue Crew will have that lot reserved.
    "Nobody wants to play against Tyler Hansbrough NO BODY!" ~ Frank Vogel

    "And David put his hand in the bag and took out a stone and slung it. And it struck the Philistine on the head and he fell to the ground. Amen. "
    Want your own "Just Say No to Kamen" from @mkroeger pic? http://twitpic.com/a3hmca

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    Default Re: The all new 2012/13 Area 55, G2 Zone & PTO thread....

    Well I only have one thing to say! BLUE CREW! PREPARE TO MEET THE BLUE AND GOLD GOLD SWAGGER CREW!

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    Default Re: The all new 2012/13 Area 55, G2 Zone & PTO thread....

    AREA 55 NEWS YOU CAN TAKE TO THE BANK!!!!!!

    Salutations 55ers!

    Tonight is Toronto Tuesday and the Raptors, reptilian invaders from The Great White North, slither into the warm confines of BLF to test their scaly mettle against our Pacers. If their presence engenders a vague sense of déjà vu in the back roads of your alcohol-poisoned minds, do not be taken aback. We’ve seen these guys before. Back around Halloween we nipped them at home 90-88. That game was won, you’ll recall, by the Pacers going on a 16-4 fourth quarter run that culminated in a George Hill 5-foot floater at the buzzer. That softie was enough to provide the narrowest of winning margins.

    The Raptors, like the predatory carnivores they are, present themselves tonight as forlorn 1-6 bottom feeders in the Atlantic. Given their rotten record and the closeness of how things were in Toronto, they will likely be arriving fairly confident and certainly thirsty for a win. Sadly, we can’t take them lightly.

    In our first game, their guard, Kyle Lowry, drove us crazy. He exploded for 21 points, 8 assists and 5 steals. Worse, we let their Italian forward, Andrea Bargnani, post 16 points and their rookie center, Jonas Valanciunas, get a double-double -- 12 points and 10 rebounds. The first game was extremely up-tempo for both teams and we had a lot of trouble corralling them until our defense finally went into lockdown mode in the 4th.

    As usual, we need to bring it tonight, fellow reprobates. Tonight let’s have no reprise of “Jurassic Park.”

    PTO! There was a power turnout at Saturday’s pre-game PTO. Buoyed by unseasonably warm weather, Area 55’s Women Wrestling Champ El Pacero was the highlight as he arrived in style, piloting his newly repainted and refurbished, custom, Blue and Gold AMC Pacer. His coming brought rightful pause to the revelry. While PTO members possessed of more plebian chariots watched, slack-jawed and gaping, Pacero entered and then expertly orbited the PTO parking area several times. When he finally slid into a safe parking spot (one where no carelessly opened doors would dent or otherwise mar the racing sheen of his vehicle’s sharp exterior), he immediately opened his AMC’s hood, allowing amazed bystanders a not-to-be-missed listen to the catlike purr of its well-tuned engine. His engineer, Kyle Brumback (a man in many ways responsible for the AMC’s current running condition), was also on hand and took pains to point out to auto buffs the car’s state-of-the-art Jeep + Plastic PVC pipe gerry-rigged customized carburetor. Even better, the mechanically-challenged (which included yours truly) were permitted to fill their nostrils with lugubrious scents emanating from the engine’s oil-guzzling moving parts. Personally speaking, I also had to blink my eyes in rapture at the Pacer’s spanking-new chrome rims (which Pacero, rumor has it, supposedly installed himself). When and if Pacero ever manages to stick the rest of the missing chrome trim on it, that Pacer of his will certainly be worth some coin! At least the price of the chrome trim, at any rate!

    Yup, I can only say it was a marvelous spectacle to behold! After viewing his vehicle, everyone present walked away exceedingly jealous. As the owner of a car like that, it was readily apparent how Pacero manages to get his gloved hands on so many hot women!

    And speaking of Pacero’s effect on women, the whole thing proved to be too much for female PTO attendee and racing junkie, Mandy Dicks. Overcome either with lust or beer, a paralyzed crowd watched in awe as she made an impulsive stealth attack on the lower portions Pacero’s outer attire. Wrenching his unbelted pants downward, Mandy’s maneuver exposed one of Pacero’s darkest secrets – i.e., the hot-pink underwear he sports beneath his costumed luchador exterior.

    Pacero’s depantsing was so well received that PTO President Aaron “Brickyard” Coleman is reportedly considering making it a standard part of all PTO game days.

    I should also add here that Ericka Harris provided the hungry with tasty bowls of her homemade chili (which was consumed by ravenous members in a manner and frenzy that was reminiscent of nothing less than many of the episodes we've all seen while watching The Discovery Channel during Shark Week).

    Tonight, of course, the PTO reconvenes at 5:00 P.M. or so in the mammoth $5.00 lot at South & Penn opposite Arby’s. If you like Fellini movies, you might wish to attend.

    Other Stuff: Area 55 and G2 Zone both got indirect kudos after the Wizards game from Pacers reserve guard, Ben Hansbrough. Ben tweeted thusly about the general BLF noise level:

    “Ben Hansbrough ‏@bhans23
    Big win for us tonight! Thanks for all the support Indy you guys were big for us tonight #pacernation”

    Reviews were not completely positive. Both Area 55 and G2Zone did get critiqued a bit by some on Twitter for apparently cheering or chanting during the “Indiana Hero” award portion of the pre-game. Personally, I don’t remember doing this, but in the future, I guess, we all should try to be more circumspect.

    A New Nick for Tyler Hansbrough? I’ve been advised that Tyler Hansbrough doesn’t particularly care for his nick, “Psycho T”. This sobriquet was placed on him during his North Carolina days and it’s followed him to Indianapolis. I guess Tyler inwardly fears being mistaken for a Hitchcockian slasher or axe-murderer.

    So what SHOULD we call him? I have it on further good authority that he would prefer, instead, being referred to, at least occasionally in our chanting, as “Gucci”.

    Why does Tyler wish to be likened to an elite Italian shoe company? Well, this “Gucci” nick was apparently also occasionally employed for him at NC basketball games by some of the student body. Supposedly, his on-campus dressing habits were nothing one would find within the pages of GQ Magazine and he was generally considered the worst-dressed guy on his North Carolina team. Hence “Gucci”.

    Anyway, Tyler unburdened his negative feelings concerning his “Psycho T” nick (and his preference for “Gucci”) to G2Zoner Bill Manlove and Area 55 member, Barb Somes, in an uncharacteristically long chat (for Tyler, at least) that they had with him at a recent airport arrival. So, be aware. Maybe an occasional GUUUUUUUUUUUUUCI! chant when Tyler hits a FT would make him happy and feel less psychotic. Let’s do it!

    Critical Critiques: Fighting Jon LaFollette’s Halftime Reviews!

    Hey, something new to the august pages of the Area 55 Newsletter!

    Jon R. LaFollette (who can usually be found Twittering away at: @JonFilet) is a second-year Area 55 member and recent graduate of the IU School of Journalism. Besides currently running a music criticism blog, his resume also includes a terrific cover piece on Roy that appeared in NUVO and, more recently, a blurb on the Pacers in Indianapolis Monthly.

    Possessed of writing and analytical skills beyond those of the typical Area 55 denizen, Jon, at my urging, has reluctantly agreed to help elevate the tone of this Newsletter. Henceforth, he will manfully keep his *** glued to his seat during all BLF halftime shows and, afterwards, provide us with belated, but incisive, reviews of everything the rest of us (owing to our having to leave to replenish our beers) may have missed.

    Accordingly, Funseekers, from now on when halftime arrives at BLF you may abandon your seats without nagging pangs of regret. No longer will your alcoholism cause you to miss out on the halftime pomp and pageantry. While you’re gone, our man, Jon, will still be inside serving as your vicarious proxy. As Jon puts it: “I won’t be leaving, so you can.”

    The sacrifice which Jon made for you lowlifes on Saturday is reflected in his noble inaugural effort. As you will see, we totally blew it by leaving. Our reviewer, Jon, gives an emphatic "thumbs up" to the animalistic Vets' Day entertainment you callously elected to miss at the Wizards game:

    Canine Tony and his Kennel of Frisbee-Loving Dogs Reviewed!

    To witness the Frisbee flinging flair of Saturday's halftime show at Bankers Life Fieldhouse was to experience a fitting tribute to Veterans of all generations! On the weekend of Armistice Day, patriotic pooches clad in scarves bearing the Stars and Stripes, yipped and skipped about as their mustachioed master (dressed for the month of Mo-vember), tossed multicolored plastic toys merrily across and over the hardwood. Their performance was slick and well executed, although all three dogs occasionally missed their targets (most assuredly distracted by Boomer and/or one of the eye-catching Pacemates!). Still, given the flag-toting nature of the holiday, and mindful of Lincoln's historic reference to Frisbee Dogs in his immortal Gettysburg Address (Abe was a HUGE Frisbee dog fan apparently), it would take the most cynical and unpatriotic of bigots to not be heart-warmed by Canine Tony’s fluffy, eager-to-please entertainers. Here's hoping they got a biscuit! Hell, give 'em two! GRADE: B+

    On this elevating note, Area 55ers, we bid you a fond adieu!

    GO PACERS! GO AREA 55!
    Last edited by IndyHoya; 11-16-2012 at 06:44 AM.

  16. #12
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    Default Re: The all new 2012/13 Area 55, G2 Zone & PTO thread....

    Yes, the Blue Crew will have that lot.

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    Default Re: The all new 2012/13 Area 55, G2 Zone & PTO thread....

    Thay only get the back right? And we still have the small lot if not.

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    Default Re: The all new 2012/13 Area 55, G2 Zone & PTO thread....

    AREA 55 NEWS YOU CAN TAKE TO THE BANK!!!!!!

    Greetings, 55ers!

    Friday breaks clear and cold. As I fumble to the front door to pick up the copy of the Star that the newsie left, crows (Celtic portents of death!) inhabit the tree in my front yard. They caw at me raucously, like a passel of irritated ESPN sports pundits, nattering at me in bird-talk about tonight’s upcoming struggle. I open the sports page of the Star to find that Mike Wells’ game-day feature isn’t exactly buoying. Today, his byline presents me with the viewpoints of anonymous NBA scouts, all sharing their learned (and sometimes conflicting) insights on just why it is that our (3-6) Pacers haven’t been exactly tearing up the league. I read the article.

    Frank Vogel is too predictable, they say. He keeps running the same elementary plays over and over again and opposing teams are onto him. Nobody’s been able to replace the missing Danny Granger; we can’t pass; and we play too much one-on-one. Roy can’t cope with adversity and isn’t earning his money (the latter being a little gig that Wells seems to take pleasure in inserting in every Star article he puts to print). For his part, David West is “too unselfish” and, hence, is incapable of putting up 25 points a night. Paul George, they say, is an overrated disappointment. D. J. Augustine lacks motivation, plays carelessly, and doesn’t display the same flair and determination he had at Charlotte. Gerald Green is an airhead, good only for an occasional dramatic stuff, and but not much good for anything else. Our bench, they say, lacks the grit and wild intensity that last year’s Goon Squad featured. The gist of it all? The Pacers just aren’t any good.

    I sigh, and ponder for a couple of seconds the merits of just returning to bed.

    But I rally and remember!

    I’ve experienced these kinds of dark stretches before. And the nice thing about them is that they always end. And generally when that end comes it is sudden, unexpected and happy. I’ve got a funny feeling that end might start tonight.

    The Pacers, I submit, are a lot better than their record. Our biggest problem has been our shooting. Right now, we’re a league worst 39.8%. Against our most recent competition, Toronto and Milwaukee, it was a combined 34.8%. Watching Roy's and DW’s and PG’s shots skittering around the rim and then always dropping the wrong way has been painful. Seeing us go 5-20 from 3-point-land (like we did against the Bucks) isn’t very invigorating either. But shooting is a karmic thing. It isn’t always this bad. If you live right, the balance in the universe eventually returns.

    Our foe tonight is 5-4 Dallas. The Mavs are a good team, but have been laboring a bit without their main stud, Dirk Nowitzky (who’s been recovering from – what else? – knee surgery). Another Big D mainstay, Shawn Marion, has been out too with strained knee ligaments (Knees again!). Their remaining active contingent will be kind of familiar to us. Darren Collison, Dahntay Jones, and Troy Murphy are all former Pacers - old friends from yesteryear. Their coach, Rick Carlisle, used to pilot the Pacers in days of yore.

    Keys to this game involve our keeping Collison and O. J. Mayo under control. Our guys have to ramp up the defense on them and prevent them from entering the lane and creating defensive fouls on our bigs and other miscellaneous havoc. Roy and Ian have to keep tabs on Chris Kaman, an underrated big man that has a good outside shot. Lastly, we can’t allow perennial Pacers-killer, Vince Carter, to go off on us.

    Defense will be key. If the D is there, we keep our turnovers under control, and we win the battle of the boards, we can beat the Mavs – assuming karma happens and our shots start to fall again. The Mavs turn the ball over a lot and like to spray from outside – sometimes to ill effect. We can beat them if we play them the right way.

    Familiarity, they say, breeds contempt. I like our chances. We know these guys. What’s more, we’ve beaten Dallas 4 out of the last 5 times we’ve played. The last time we met – back in February of last season – PG torched them for 30 and DW went for 20 on 9-11 shooting. A reprise of something like those performances might be just the tonic our guys need to get our skewed shooting back into an ambit of respectability.

    PTO! Turnout was good at the last meeting of the Pacers Tailgating Organization. The November cold was no barrier to the merriment. VP and GM, Casey O’Brien saw to that, showing up with a fire pit, logs, and a purloined copy of the Yellow Pages to encourage the flames. As usual, O’Brien (a convicted arsonist) wowed the crowd, displaying the same pyrotechnic skills that earned him those long prison stretches in Michigan City.

    The only discouraging words at the PTO came from the blusih-tinged lips of Lebanese member Hobert (that’s “Hobert” with an “E”) Montgomery, who, expecting continued unseasonably warm temperatures, appeared wearing his customary thin, unlined black jacket. Challenged by the cold, he soon spasmed into hypothermic shock.

    Hobert ascribed his chills to a lack of “Old Granddad” at the PTO. This comment says a great deal not only about Hobert’s sense of reality, but also his questionable taste in whiskey. Happily, he later managed to purchase a nifty knitted Pacers chapeau at the BLF Gift Shoppe. This buy served to restore Hobert’s lagging body temperature and, additionally, his normally upbeat demeanor. It also caused him to strongly resemble a grinning Peruvian alpaca herder.

    The PTO will undoubtedly reconvene tonight at around 5:00 PM at the Big $5.00 Lot across from Arby’s at Penn & South. There’ll be fun and games aplenty and, who knows? Maybe someone will bring some old Old Granddad too!

    NOW FOR SOME FUN FACTS ABOUT THE MAVERICKS!!!

    What the Hell’s a Maverick, Anyway? Well, for this we need appropriate mood music:

    http://tinyurl.com/25s8goc

    In the mid-1800s, a gentleman by the name of Samuel Augustus Maverick settled in Texas with the goal of becoming a cattle rancher. By tradition, ranchers at that time branded their cattle with various markings to make them easy to identify. Sam Maverick refused to do this. Some people have suggested that he was simply lazy, but the real explanation was probably commercial in nature. Maverick knew that, by convention, unbranded cattle belonged to whomever managed to claim them first. Using his political clout, Maverick made sure that any unbranded cattle that came his way were regarded as his. He could claim them because, after all, he was the only rancher around not to use brands. As a result, in or around 1867, Texas ranchers started calling unbranded cattle “mavericks.”

    As the slang term “maverick” spread like tumbleweeds across the purple sage of the West, people also started using it in reference to freethinking individuals, meaning that such people were not “branded” with some kind of orthodoxy. The first written record of the use of the word “maverick” in this sense appeared in a San Francisco newspaper in 1886. There are still a lot of freethinkers in Frisco, by the way.

    In pop culture, the term “maverick” has come to mean a “contrarian” or a “gambler." In my research I discovered that the word even has a special meaning in the game of poker. When you have a queen and a jack in the “pocket” (not your real pocket, you cheater!), you have a "maverick." How about that!

    Want a peek at Samuel Maverick? Well, the link’s a little slow, but here he is!

    http://tinyurl.com/28sjy6v (Great tie, Sam!)

    So, are the Dallas Mavericks named after that canny, cattle-rustling entrepreneur Sam Maverick?

    Or are they named after a bunch of unclaimed, unbranded cattle?

    Or are they really named after a poker hand?

    Nope. Nay to all of the above! The Dallas Mavericks actually got their name from a TV Western!

    The “Mavericks” name was supposedly chosen by the local fans in 1980 in a “name the team” contest. From 4600 postcards received, the name “Maverick” beat out the also-rans of “Wranglers” and “Express.”

    Significantly, actor James Garner, who played the namesake character in the famous TV western, happened to be a member of the ownership group. The owners were the only ones to examine all 4600 of the postcards and some disgruntled locals claimed that they engineered a “fixeroo” for Garner. We’ll never know, I guess.

    Anyway, here’s James Garner as the TV character, Bret Maverick:

    http://tinyurl.com/23tkfga

    Here are some more Mavericks:

    This is a 1971 Ford Maverick: http://tinyurl.com/26vwhsb

    Here’s a Political Maverick: http://tinyurl.com/2adlp2m

    Here’s some Mavericks You Smoke: http://tinyurl.com/24aq9tf

    And here’s a Maverick Roller Coaster Which Operates at Cedar Point:

    http://tinyurl.com/2f3568o

    I, for one, am glad that James Arness (TV’s Matt Dillon) wasn’t in the Dallas ownership group. Otherwise, today’s Mavericks might well have been named either the "Dallas Dillons" or worse, the "Dallas Gunsmoke". The latter would’ve been a name to cause NBA Commish David Stern (a guy always anxious to clean up the NBA’s violent image) a lot of sleepless nights.

    Meet Champ the Horse and Mavs Man! Hey, like the Washington Wizards, the Mavs have not one, but two (Two-Ah!) official mascots!

    One is “Champ the Horse.” Champ is a cutesy blue mockup of a familiar hooved mammalian quadruped.

    Here’s Champ: http://tinyurl.com/9wshvox

    Given Sam Maverick’s history, why Dallas elected to choose a cutesy horse for its mascot, and not a cutesy unbranded steer, is anybody’s guess. Maybe the Dallas management didn’t want a mascot that looked too bovine. After all, the Bulls already had a monopoly on that.

    Dallas’ other mascot is “Mavs Man,” a sort of part-basketball, part human, muscled-up super hero that the Mav’s management uses for the all of the time-out trampoline dunking and tee-shirt throwing that constitutes mandatory fun at every NBA game . Actually the term “Mavs Men” might be better here, as there are apparently more than one of them.

    Wondering what they look like? http://tinyurl.com/22udzvv

    Not sure, but I think some of the Mavs Men may also work the Dallas bachelorette scene as Chippendales. Personally, I’m always suspicious of men that shave their chests, but hey, that’s just me.

    Well, that’s enough worthless Dallas basketball lore for your jaded edification, 55ers. Time to go to press.

    Let’s see if we can bring it to BLF tonight. Be nasty, loud, and vocal. Obviously, our Pacers need a really big shot in the arm!

    GO PACERS! GO AREA 55!
    Last edited by IndyHoya; 11-16-2012 at 11:53 AM.

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    Default Re: The all new 2012/13 Area 55, G2 Zone & PTO thread....

    Nah, dude, they got the entire thing.... even though they only use about a third of it on Saturday.
    "Nobody wants to play against Tyler Hansbrough NO BODY!" ~ Frank Vogel

    "And David put his hand in the bag and took out a stone and slung it. And it struck the Philistine on the head and he fell to the ground. Amen. "
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    Default Re: The all new 2012/13 Area 55, G2 Zone & PTO thread....

    NOT ONE MENTION OF WHAT TONIGHT IS REALLY ABOUT?
    Tonigh we get to do what Pacers fans have wanted to do for quite a long time and were never "morally" able to. Tonight my friends we get to booo, hisss, and scream at JOB!
    Now some of you may say this is harrassment, but it is indeed our due diligence!

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    Default Re: The all new 2012/13 Area 55, G2 Zone & PTO thread....

    Quote Originally Posted by kielbeze View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    NOT ONE MENTION OF WHAT TONIGHT IS REALLY ABOUT?
    Tonigh we get to do what Pacers fans have wanted to do for quite a long time and were never "morally" able to. Tonight my friends we get to booo, hisss, and scream at JOB!
    Now some of you may say this is harrassment, but it is indeed our due diligence!
    You're a hard, unforgiving man, Kielbeze.

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    Default Re: The all new 2012/13 Area 55, G2 Zone & PTO thread....

    in the words of superfan. "The PTO will go where it's got to go, to put on the show, rain sleet or snow, its the only place to go, we run full throttle, clean up your bottles. OHHHH YEAHHHHH!

  25. #19

    Default Re: The all new 2012/13 Area 55, G2 Zone & PTO thread....

    Can anyone help me get some tix in Area55 for the home opener. Rob doesnt seem interested in selling me tix unless I buy a full season. Which does me no good, because I have a wife and get to take too. I gave away a ton of Area55 tickets over the past 2 season, so Im hoping favors will be returned.
    If games are won and lost on a calculator and piece of paper, then why do we bother to play them?

    @LetsTalkPacers

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    RING THE BELL! Sandman21's Avatar
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    Default Re: The all new 2012/13 Area 55, G2 Zone & PTO thread....

    They aint selling single game tix to even members of Area55 and G2 at the moment.....
    "Nobody wants to play against Tyler Hansbrough NO BODY!" ~ Frank Vogel

    "And David put his hand in the bag and took out a stone and slung it. And it struck the Philistine on the head and he fell to the ground. Amen. "
    Want your own "Just Say No to Kamen" from @mkroeger pic? http://twitpic.com/a3hmca

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    Default Re: The all new 2012/13 Area 55, G2 Zone & PTO thread....

    Thanks to Area55er Scott Roosa for 1 ticket in Area55. Just need 2 more for wife and daughter. Anyone else not able to make home opener?
    If games are won and lost on a calculator and piece of paper, then why do we bother to play them?

    @LetsTalkPacers

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    Default Re: The all new 2012/13 Area 55, G2 Zone & PTO thread....

    Please keep updating where PTO will be happenin.
    I'll be breakfast clubbing/tailgating at Purdue, but I got me a sober ride.

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    Default Re: The all new 2012/13 Area 55, G2 Zone & PTO thread....

    Can't wait to see what you guys have in store for the opener. By the way.... I thought the folks in G2 out did the old faithful in Area55 during pre-season.
    You know how hippos are made out to be sweet and silly, like big cows, but are actually extremely dangerous and can kill you with stunning brutality? The Pacers are the NBA's hippos....Matt Moore CBS Sports....

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    Default Re: The all new 2012/13 Area 55, G2 Zone & PTO thread....

    But of course, look who was brought over from Area55 to the G2Zone... they sent a lot of the good season 2 rookies over...
    "Nobody wants to play against Tyler Hansbrough NO BODY!" ~ Frank Vogel

    "And David put his hand in the bag and took out a stone and slung it. And it struck the Philistine on the head and he fell to the ground. Amen. "
    Want your own "Just Say No to Kamen" from @mkroeger pic? http://twitpic.com/a3hmca

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    Default Re: The all new 2012/13 Area 55, G2 Zone & PTO thread....

    AREA 55 NEWS YOU CAN TAKE TO THE BANK!!!!

    Greetings, 55ers!

    Tonight our (5-7 Pacers) try to bring more balance to their won-lost record by hosting those pestiferous social insects from the Big Easy, the (3-6) New Orleans Hornets. I submit that this will be an interesting (and potentially dangerous) game for our guys.

    First, Us! Tonight’s game will be interesting because it will be something of test. We need to see if the Pacers can keep their mo going from Monday’s win against the Wizards. That win was heartening, as Roy and DW used it to break out of their slumps and basically dominate Washington’s Nene-less front line.

    Roy’s performance (registered under the watchful eyes of his parents) was nothing less than stellar, His stat sheet featured 20 points, 12 rebounds, 3 assists and 4 blocked shots. In his 33 minutes of work, the Pacers were at their most efficient. Roy’s +/- was a whopping +21 while he was on the floor.

    David West’s contribution was incredible too. He posted 30 points on 10-10 shooting and carried the team through crunch time after the Wizards managed to rally and make the final outcome a bit questionable.

    Our bench, however, struggled big time in DC. They let the Wizards return from a big deficit and make a game of things at the end. It then took clutch work from our starters, and particularly David West, to pull the game out of the fire. A major question tonight, then, will be whether our bench can find a handle after two consecutive clueless outings against the Knicks and the Wizards.

    Tonight’s game will also be dangerous -- both because of its pre-Thanksgiving timing and because of the nature of our hapless foes. Butterballs (that’s roast turkeys, my friends), and not basketballs, are apt to be uppermost in the Pacers minds tonight. Also, it’s also hard to get fired up playing teams like the Hornets, who occupy the cellar in the Southwest and are riding a 4 game losing streak. Our pesky foes, however, will be playing without the onus of any expectations and are thus apt to show up loose and hungry for a win.

    Now Them! On paper, the Hornets are kind of confusing. There aren’t many stats to back up any assertions one can make about them. Well, check that. There’s this one: For the Hornets to win, points in the paint are crucial and without their rookie stud from Kentucky, Anthony (The Unibrow) Davis, in the lineup, the Hornets tend to struggle. Happily, the Unibrow is reportedly “questionable” for tonight’s game. If he’s really unavailable, the chances are good for Roy and DW reprising their recent mammoth performances in DC.

    In their last game, played sans The Unibrow, the New York Knicks basically had their way with the Hornets, outscoring them in the paint 30-20. With Davis gone, the Hornets are left to rely mostly on Robin Lopez, the less gifted brother of the identical twin Lopez Gemini. Robin’s game has always been kind of soft. Without Davis there providing his customary 16 points, 8 rebounds and 2 blocks per game, the Hornets are more like Gnats and their reputed stings are pretty benign.

    The Hornets do have a few decent lesser lights occupying other positions. For one, point guard Greivis Vasquez, has been a pleasant surprise, He’s been having a career year, averaging 8.9 assists per game, 3rd best in the league. Owing largely to him, the Hornets are 6th in the league in assists, up from 16th last season. There’s also small forward Al-Farouq Aminu, who has transformed into a solid contributor, averaging 12 points, 8 rebounds, 2 steals and 1 block per game. Finally, there’s former Orlando Magician, Ryan Anderson, who is the Hornets’ only 3-point threat. He’s averaging a career high 16.4 points and 8 rebounds per game. As usual, Indy native and former IU standout, Eric Gordon, is out with injuries. So it goes.

    View the Pre-Game Shoot-Around! This just in from the Pacers Suits:

    “As an Area 55 member, you are invited to attend a pre-game viewing of tonight’s shoot-around. During the pre-game event, you’ll get early access to Bankers Life Fieldhouse to watch Roy Hibbert and other Pacers players warm up before tonight’s game against the New Orleans Hornets.

    To attend, you must have a ticket to tonight’s game in Area 55 (Section 101). Fans with a ticket in Area 55 should arrive to the Indiana University Health Entry Pavilion by 4:55pm. The meeting spot will be in the area near the 3-Bank Elevators by Guest Relations. Any fans with an Area 55 ticket at this time will be escorted to the pre-game viewing. If you show up past this time, then you will have to wait until doors open to enter the Fieldhouse. Unfortunately, we will not have multiple escorts for the pre-game viewing so get there early.

    See you tonight!

    -Area 55 Staff”

    “Je M’appelle Ianni!” G2Zoner Bill Manlove tells me that Ian Mahinmi wouldn’t mind very much if we called him “Ianni” (pronounced Yaaannnneeee! - with a lot of stress on the “eeeee” part). It’s OK by me. Let’s do it. Although I like Area 55 MVP Kielbeze’s crooning, kazoo imitation, of the French National Anthem, La Marseillaise too.

    Google is your friend. I actually found a kazoo version of this hallowed anthem. Listen to it and learn! Then you can add your mellifluous voices to Kielbeze’s when he gets all Frenchy and Revolutionary on us:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZ2vhPNwijc

    Also, if and when Ianni does something good on the court, let’s give him a loud “Ianni!” too.

    NOW FOR SOME FUN FACTS ABOUT NEW ORLEANS!

    Fear the Brow! As this rag goes to press, I confess to harboring pangs of regret about Anthony Davis’ “questionable” status tonight. Why? Well, if he played, then I could boast of having seen “The Unibrow” in action. I could tell my wife. I could tell my friends! Then I could die, truly a happy man, knowing that I have fulfilled my bucket list and seen all that is worth seeing in the goofy world of the NBA.

    Why do I have this Unibrow fixation? Hard to say. I guess I just have it. And today, after reading this article, you’re going to know just as much as I do about unibrows (or monobrows, as they are also called).

    Actually, what Anthony Davis has has a medical name. It’s called “synophris.” In some cultures, for example in India, this condition is viewed as an attractive quality, something true for men and women alike. An Indian woman with conjoined eyebrows is supposedly regarded as pure, virginal, and untouched by sin. In India for men, a monobrow is supposedly is a sign of virility. Different strokes for different folks!

    Most Western societies find unibrows unappealing. There are sound reasons for this.

    In olden times, particularly in Central Europe, a unibrow was a telltale sign that a person sporting one was probably a werewolf. Indeed, it is just this factoid that has always made me a tad suspicious of Anthony Davis. Personally, I’ve always thought that NBA Commish, David Stern, should look into this. Werewolves do NOT contribute to the family-fun atmosphere he’s been trying to create in the NBA! The NCAA should look into this too. John Calipari, at Kentucky, is certainly a person that would not be above recruiting a werewolf just to get an NCAA championship. Stripping Kentucky of its title due to lycanthropy wouldn’t bother me one bit!

    At any rate, on Hornets power forward Anthony Davis, synophris manifests as an uninterrupted map-like line of demarcation – kind of a facial Korean 38th Parallel -- that is located just north of his nose. It serves to separate, in major fashion, the upper areas of his brow from the otherwise unremarkable features of his lower frontal physiognomy. It gives Davis a controversial and distracting face -- one that his proponents call, funny, unique and unforgettable. His detractors, like me, however, generally describe his monobrow as weird and definitely unearthly. Call me traditional, but monobrowed werewolves have never appealed to me.

    Hell, I’d better just show you a picture of The Unibrow and you can form your own opinion:

    http://tinyurl.com/a5vt783

    It’s hard to say what strange genetic anomaly gave Anthony Davis his singular eyebrow. Whatever the cause, Davis has had synophris since he hit puberty. During his freshman year at Kentucky, his teammates exhorted him to take a razor to its middle part and get rid of it. Davis always resisted (Werewolves always do!).

    Resisting proved to be a good move financially. Soon after Davis’ play as a Calipari freshman began making news, it became apparent that his furry browline would be a future profit center.
    NCAA rules rightly prevented Davis from exploiting his unibrow's brand value while he was a so-called “non-pro” at Kentucky. Indeed, the school's athletic department kept a tight leash on merchandise celebrating the uncommon facial feature of its fabulous freshman. Jason Schlafer, Kentucky’s athletic department's marketing director, reportedly had to send out a lot of cease-and-desist letters and place a lot of phone calls to mercenary vendors who were eagerly "sprinting up to the line" to use Davis’s monobrow for their own venal and mercenary ends – ends that often infringed on Kentucky’s own more noble trademarks.

    A sensitive man, Schlafer was also concerned that unlicensed T-shirts reading "Bow to the Brow" and "Brow Down" might offend Davis because they "highlighted what might be thought a negative feature." But he needn’t have worried. Anthony’s mom knew where the money was and soon began sporting a 'Fear the Brow' T-shirt of her own at all her son’s games. She also took to penciling in a unibrow on her face. I’m not surprised. The mother of a Satan-spawned werewolf, is capable of doing just about anything.

    Anyway, when Anthony blew off his sophomore year at Kentucky and entered the NBA he was ready to cash in on his unibrow. He wasn’t about to get rid of it by this time:

    "It changes none whatsoever when I'm in the NBA," he said. "I'm not going to change who I am. It's me."

    This self-identity with his eyebrow prompted action. Once drafted by New Orleans, Davis immediately took out U.S. Trademark protection on all pictures of his facial hair. He also took out trademarks on the catch-phrases, “Fear the Brow!” and “Raise the Brow!” As he told CNBC at the time:

    “I don’t want anyone to try to grow a unibrow because of me and then try to make money off of it. Me and my family decided to trademark it because it's very unique."

    All this trademarking did not come without controversy. Reid Coffman, owner of the University of Kentucky’s apparel store, “Blue Zone,” claimed that he, and not Anthony, had created the “Fear the Brow” slogan and that he, and not Anthony, owned the rights to that trademark. Coffman reportedly said he’d be willing to sell his mark to Anthony … “for a high price.” Such is sports and materialism in America.

    When asked if a razor company might pay him to shave his unibrow into two separate conventional parts, Davis was open to the general idea:

    “I might have a commercial where I’m acting like I’m shaving it and then I’ll throw the razor down.”

    While I am unaware of his unibrow’s sparking any generalized fashion emulation (after all, who would want to deliberately be mistaken for a werewolf) or any really serious money-making by others, its sheer existence has undeniably had a small, but growing, impact on other aspects of modern American life. Want some examples?

    Graphic Art: http://tinyurl.com/awjw5bg (A portrait of Anthony (in which his Unibrow is prominently featured) that adoring Kentucky fans made, all by themselves, using only breakfast cereals.

    Chest Depilation: http://tinyurl.com/bsmjxuf

    Cuisine: http://tinyurl.com/cjy8ev8

    Birthday Festivities: http://tinyurl.com/cuq7oz8

    Mascotry: http://tinyurl.com/d85vuqc

    I could go on. But I won’t. It’s time to send this sucker out.

    Let’s end on this coda. We need to be loud and obnoxious tonight, 55ers. Let’s support our team and, in the process, express our scorn for unibrows and all the negativity and lycanthropy unibrows represent!

    GO PACERS! GO AREA 55!
    Last edited by IndyHoya; 11-21-2012 at 01:50 PM.

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