Announcement

Collapse

The Rules of Pacers Digest

Hello everyone,

Whether your are a long standing forum member or whether you have just registered today, it's a good idea to read and review the rules below so that you have a very good idea of what to expect when you come to Pacers Digest.

A quick note to new members: Your posts will not immediately show up when you make them. An administrator has to approve at least your first post before the forum software will later upgrade your account to the status of a fully-registered member. This usually happens within a couple of hours or so after your post(s) is/are approved, so you may need to be a little patient at first.

Why do we do this? So that it's more difficult for spammers (be they human or robot) to post, and so users who are banned cannot immediately re-register and start dousing people with verbal flames.

Below are the rules of Pacers Digest. After you have read them, you will have a very good sense of where we are coming from, what we expect, what we don't want to see, and how we react to things.

Rule #1

Pacers Digest is intended to be a place to discuss basketball without having to deal with the kinds of behaviors or attitudes that distract people from sticking with the discussion of the topics at hand. These unwanted distractions can come in many forms, and admittedly it can sometimes be tricky to pin down each and every kind that can rear its ugly head, but we feel that the following examples and explanations cover at least a good portion of that ground and should at least give people a pretty good idea of the kinds of things we actively discourage:

"Anyone who __________ is a liar / a fool / an idiot / a blind homer / has their head buried in the sand / a blind hater / doesn't know basketball / doesn't watch the games"

"People with intelligence will agree with me when I say that __________"

"Only stupid people think / believe / do ___________"

"I can't wait to hear something from PosterX when he/she sees that **insert a given incident or current event that will have probably upset or disappointed PosterX here**"

"He/she is just delusional"

"This thread is stupid / worthless / embarrassing"

"I'm going to take a moment to point and / laugh at PosterX / GroupOfPeopleY who thought / believed *insert though/belief here*"

"Remember when PosterX said OldCommentY that no longer looks good? "

In general, if a comment goes from purely on topic to something 'ad hominem' (personal jabs, personal shots, attacks, flames, however you want to call it, towards a person, or a group of people, or a given city/state/country of people), those are most likely going to be found intolerable.

We also dissuade passive aggressive behavior. This can be various things, but common examples include statements that are basically meant to imply someone is either stupid or otherwise incapable of holding a rational conversation. This can include (but is not limited to) laughing at someone's conclusions rather than offering an honest rebuttal, asking people what game they were watching, or another common problem is Poster X will say "that player isn't that bad" and then Poster Y will say something akin to "LOL you think that player is good". We're not going to tolerate those kinds of comments out of respect for the community at large and for the sake of trying to just have an honest conversation.

Now, does the above cover absolutely every single kind of distraction that is unwanted? Probably not, but you should by now have a good idea of the general types of things we will be discouraging. The above examples are meant to give you a good feel for / idea of what we're looking for. If something new or different than the above happens to come along and results in the same problem (that being, any other attitude or behavior that ultimately distracts from actually just discussing the topic at hand, or that is otherwise disrespectful to other posters), we can and we will take action to curb this as well, so please don't take this to mean that if you managed to technically avoid saying something exactly like one of the above examples that you are then somehow off the hook.

That all having been said, our goal is to do so in a generally kind and respectful way, and that doesn't mean the moment we see something we don't like that somebody is going to be suspended or banned, either. It just means that at the very least we will probably say something about it, quite possibly snipping out the distracting parts of the post in question while leaving alone the parts that are actually just discussing the topics, and in the event of a repeating or excessive problem, then we will start issuing infractions to try to further discourage further repeat problems, and if it just never seems to improve, then finally suspensions or bans will come into play. We would prefer it never went that far, and most of the time for most of our posters, it won't ever have to.

A slip up every once and a while is pretty normal, but, again, when it becomes repetitive or excessive, something will be done. Something occasional is probably going to be let go (within reason), but when it starts to become habitual or otherwise a pattern, odds are very good that we will step in.

There's always a small minority that like to push people's buttons and/or test their own boundaries with regards to the administrators, and in the case of someone acting like that, please be aware that this is not a court of law, but a private website run by people who are simply trying to do the right thing as they see it. If we feel that you are a special case that needs to be dealt with in an exceptional way because your behavior isn't explicitly mirroring one of our above examples of what we generally discourage, we can and we will take atypical action to prevent this from continuing if you are not cooperative with us.

Also please be aware that you will not be given a pass simply by claiming that you were 'only joking,' because quite honestly, when someone really is just joking, for one thing most people tend to pick up on the joke, including the person or group that is the target of the joke, and for another thing, in the event where an honest joke gets taken seriously and it upsets or angers someone, the person who is truly 'only joking' will quite commonly go out of his / her way to apologize and will try to mend fences. People who are dishonest about their statements being 'jokes' do not do so, and in turn that becomes a clear sign of what is really going on. It's nothing new.

In any case, quite frankly, the overall quality and health of the entire forum's community is more important than any one troublesome user will ever be, regardless of exactly how a problem is exhibiting itself, and if it comes down to us having to make a choice between you versus the greater health and happiness of the entire community, the community of this forum will win every time.

Lastly, there are also some posters, who are generally great contributors and do not otherwise cause any problems, who sometimes feel it's their place to provoke or to otherwise 'mess with' that small minority of people described in the last paragraph, and while we possibly might understand why you might feel you WANT to do something like that, the truth is we can't actually tolerate that kind of behavior from you any more than we can tolerate the behavior from them. So if we feel that you are trying to provoke those other posters into doing or saying something that will get themselves into trouble, then we will start to view you as a problem as well, because of the same reason as before: The overall health of the forum comes first, and trying to stir the pot with someone like that doesn't help, it just makes it worse. Some will simply disagree with this philosophy, but if so, then so be it because ultimately we have to do what we think is best so long as it's up to us.

If you see a problem that we haven't addressed, the best and most appropriate course for a forum member to take here is to look over to the left of the post in question. See underneath that poster's name, avatar, and other info, down where there's a little triangle with an exclamation point (!) in it? Click that. That allows you to report the post to the admins so we can definitely notice it and give it a look to see what we feel we should do about it. Beyond that, obviously it's human nature sometimes to want to speak up to the poster in question who has bothered you, but we would ask that you try to refrain from doing so because quite often what happens is two or more posters all start going back and forth about the original offending post, and suddenly the entire thread is off topic or otherwise derailed. So while the urge to police it yourself is understandable, it's best to just report it to us and let us handle it. Thank you!

All of the above is going to be subject to a case by case basis, but generally and broadly speaking, this should give everyone a pretty good idea of how things will typically / most often be handled.

Rule #2

If the actions of an administrator inspire you to make a comment, criticism, or express a concern about it, there is a wrong place and a couple of right places to do so.

The wrong place is to do so in the original thread in which the administrator took action. For example, if a post gets an infraction, or a post gets deleted, or a comment within a larger post gets clipped out, in a thread discussing Paul George, the wrong thing to do is to distract from the discussion of Paul George by adding your off topic thoughts on what the administrator did.

The right places to do so are:

A) Start a thread about the specific incident you want to talk about on the Feedback board. This way you are able to express yourself in an area that doesn't throw another thread off topic, and this way others can add their two cents as well if they wish, and additionally if there's something that needs to be said by the administrators, that is where they will respond to it.

B) Send a private message to the administrators, and they can respond to you that way.

If this is done the wrong way, those comments will be deleted, and if it's a repeating problem then it may also receive an infraction as well.

Rule #3

If a poster is bothering you, and an administrator has not or will not deal with that poster to the extent that you would prefer, you have a powerful tool at your disposal, one that has recently been upgraded and is now better than ever: The ability to ignore a user.

When you ignore a user, you will unfortunately still see some hints of their existence (nothing we can do about that), however, it does the following key things:

A) Any post they make will be completely invisible as you scroll through a thread.

B) The new addition to this feature: If someone QUOTES a user you are ignoring, you do not have to read who it was, or what that poster said, unless you go out of your way to click on a link to find out who it is and what they said.

To utilize this feature, from any page on Pacers Digest, scroll to the top of the page, look to the top right where it says 'Settings' and click that. From the settings page, look to the left side of the page where it says 'My Settings', and look down from there until you see 'Edit Ignore List' and click that. From here, it will say 'Add a Member to Your List...' Beneath that, click in the text box to the right of 'User Name', type in or copy & paste the username of the poster you are ignoring, and once their name is in the box, look over to the far right and click the 'Okay' button. All done!

Rule #4

Regarding infractions, currently they carry a value of one point each, and that point will expire in 31 days. If at any point a poster is carrying three points at the same time, that poster will be suspended until the oldest of the three points expires.

Rule #5

When you share or paste content or articles from another website, you must include the URL/link back to where you found it, who wrote it, and what website it's from. Said content will be removed if this doesn't happen.

An example:

If I copy and paste an article from the Indianapolis Star website, I would post something like this:

http://www.linktothearticlegoeshere.com/article
Title of the Article
Author's Name
Indianapolis Star

Rule #6

We cannot tolerate illegal videos on Pacers Digest. This means do not share any links to them, do not mention any websites that host them or link to them, do not describe how to find them in any way, and do not ask about them. Posts doing anything of the sort will be removed, the offenders will be contacted privately, and if the problem becomes habitual, you will be suspended, and if it still persists, you will probably be banned.

The legal means of watching or listening to NBA games are NBA League Pass Broadband (for US, or for International; both cost money) and NBA Audio League Pass (which is free). Look for them on NBA.com.

Rule #7

Provocative statements in a signature, or as an avatar, or as the 'tagline' beneath a poster's username (where it says 'Member' or 'Administrator' by default, if it is not altered) are an unwanted distraction that will more than likely be removed on sight. There can be shades of gray to this, but in general this could be something political or religious that is likely going to provoke or upset people, or otherwise something that is mean-spirited at the expense of a poster, a group of people, or a population.

It may or may not go without saying, but this goes for threads and posts as well, particularly when it's not made on the off-topic board (Market Square).

We do make exceptions if we feel the content is both innocuous and unlikely to cause social problems on the forum (such as wishing someone a Merry Christmas or a Happy Easter), and we also also make exceptions if such topics come up with regards to a sports figure (such as the Lance Stephenson situation bringing up discussions of domestic abuse and the law, or when Jason Collins came out as gay and how that lead to some discussion about gay rights).

However, once the discussion seems to be more/mostly about the political issues instead of the sports figure or his specific situation, the thread is usually closed.

Rule #8

We prefer self-restraint and/or modesty when making jokes or off topic comments in a sports discussion thread. They can be fun, but sometimes they derail or distract from a topic, and we don't want to see that happen. If we feel it is a problem, we will either delete or move those posts from the thread.

Rule #9

Generally speaking, we try to be a "PG-13" rated board, and we don't want to see sexual content or similarly suggestive content. Vulgarity is a more muddled issue, though again we prefer things to lean more towards "PG-13" than "R". If we feel things have gone too far, we will step in.

Rule #10

We like small signatures, not big signatures. The bigger the signature, the more likely it is an annoying or distracting signature.

Rule #11

Do not advertise anything without talking about it with the administrators first. This includes advertising with your signature, with your avatar, through private messaging, and/or by making a thread or post.
See more
See less

Jets QB Erik Ainge talks about drug addiction and mental illness

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Jets QB Erik Ainge talks about drug addiction and mental illness

    I didn't know he was still with the Jets

    http://sports.espn.go.com/new-york/n...ich&id=6267822


    Ainge: 'I had to get help before I died'Jets QB opens up about his ongoing battle with drug addiction and mental illnessEmail Print Comments570 By Rich Cimini
    ESPNNewYork.com
    Archive
    Erik Ainge Exclusive Interview
    Jets backup quarterback Erik Ainge speaks exclusively with ESPN New York about substance abuse, rehab and plans for the future.Erik Ainge Exclusive InterviewVIDEO PLAYLIST
    Erik Ainge Exclusive Interview
    Erik Ainge Exclusive Interview
    Jets backup quarterback Erik Ainge speaks exclusively with ESPN New York about substance abuse, rehab and plans for the future.OTL: NFL Painkiller Misuse
    OTL: NFL Painkiller Misuse
    Outside the Lines reveals the results of a scientific study, that for the first time reveals the level of prescription painkiller use and misuse by retired NFL players. The Washington U. study was commissioned by ESPN, with additional funding by the National Institute on Drug Abuse., and published in the international medical journal, Drug and Alcohol Dependence.
    Tags:
    NFL
    ,
    OTL
    ,
    Outside The Lines
    ,
    Painkillers
    ,
    John Barr
    ,
    Study
    ,
    Drugs
    ,
    Drug Misuse
    ,
    Dan Johnson
    ,
    Glen Collins
    ,
    Alex Stalcup N.Y. SportsCenter
    N.Y. SportsCenter
    Grandy, Yanks eye opener; Knicks tired
    Tags:
    Yankees
    ,
    Knicks
    ,
    Nets
    ,
    video
    ,
    SportsCenter
    ,
    Erik Ainge
    ,
    Mets
    ,
    ESPNNewYork
    WELLESLEY, Mass. -- New York Jets backup quarterback Erik Ainge started using drugs when he was 12. It began with a bong hit, and it escalated from marijuana to prescription meds, alcohol, cocaine and heroin. By his senior year at Tennessee, he was addicted to painkillers, downing them by the handful.


    [+] EnlargeMatthew Muise for ESPNNewYork.com
    Erik Ainge told his story to ESPN NewYork to help others like him.
    This is the story of a professional athlete who lost control. Ainge fell into a self-destructive lifestyle that included multiple overdoses, drunk driving, extended stays in rehab and relapses, leaving his football career in shambles.

    It wasn't supposed to be this way. Ainge, the nephew of former basketball star and current Celtics GM Danny Ainge, started for Tennessee and became a fifth-round pick of the Jets in 2008. He wanted to do right by the family name, synonymous with success and clean living, but his behavior can be best described by the large tattoo on his back:

    "Crazy White Boy."

    Sadly, he has no recollection of getting that tattoo.

    Ainge, 24, who also suffers from bipolar disorder, missed the entire 2010 season because he went on a two-week bender before training camp and landed in rehab, fearing for his life. That was almost nine months ago. He has remained clean since July 17, he said -- his longest stretch of sobriety since he was 11.

    Trying to help others by raising awareness of addiction and mental illness, Ainge recounted his painful journey in an interview with ESPNNewYork.com.

    His life, his words.



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    I'm a drug addict. I was in denial for a long time, but that's who I am. My addiction is with the hardest of hard drugs -- heroin, cocaine and alcohol. During my days of using, I was a really bad drug addict. I would've made Charlie Sheen look like Miss Daisy.

    I always thought of myself as a good kid that liked to have fun. We use the term "rationalization" in therapy. I would rationalize my drug use, and make it seem a lot more normal than it was. But it wasn't, because I was using a lot of drugs at a young age.

    It got worse in high school and even worse in college. By the time I was a senior in college, I was an addict. I played my whole senior season with a broken finger on my throwing hand. It was really badly broken. Just taking the snap, throwing the ball, handing it off, getting tackled -- everything that goes along with playing quarterback -- it was very painful.


    [+] EnlargeJerome Davis/Icon SMI
    Ainge said his addiction to painkillers went from bad to worse when he made the transition from Tennessee to the New York Jets.
    Throughout that process, I became hooked on pain killers. I got them from the team doctor. I went through the prescriptions pretty fast. After he had been giving them to me for quite a while, he said he couldn't give them to me anymore.

    I was hooked on them and I was playing football, and there was no way I was going to cancel my senior year by going to rehab. I started getting them from people, buying them, getting them off the street. I wasn't the only player on the team that was doing it, so we knew people. It wasn't, like, super sketchy or anything. We knew people who had them, and we were Tennessee football players, so they pretty much just gave them to us.

    [When contacted by ESPNNewYork.com, a spokesman for the Tennessee football program declined to comment on Ainge's story of his time in Knoxville.]

    After a point, it got so bad that I was in the throes of addiction pretty quickly. That led to ... one drug to the next drug to the next drug. Then I moved up to New York with a bunch of money, and it was where everything started falling apart.

    My drug problem went from bad to worse. My rookie year, I failed a drug test for taking Adderall and got suspended four games. Adderall is like Ritalin, an amphetamine. I started taking Adderall back in high school, just to stay awake -- a lot of kids take it.

    But most of my rookie year, it was painkillers -- and lots of them. I was taking 25 Percocets at a time. Five hours later, I'd do it again. Another eight hours, and I'd do it again. A drug dealer, a guy I knew, had them. There were other social, party drugs I would do, but I was addicted to painkillers.

    I had a really bad stress fracture in my foot, but I think the reason it got so bad was because I was using so many drugs. I had no idea what was going on with my foot; I was completely out of it.

    I was under the influence pretty much every day, every practice. I mean, I was a drug addict, so it's not like I stopped using drugs for any reason. Did the Jets know? I don't know. That's all they knew me as. I was a drug addict from the first day I stepped foot on the Hofstra campus [site of the team's training base until 2009].


    Outside The Lines



    The first scientific study of prescription painkiller use by retired NFL players shows higher rates of misuse than that of the general population, possibly due to use during playing days. OTL ยป

    A few of my teammates knew, but it wasn't their business to tell anybody. They left it up to me. [Punter] Steve Weatherford helped me the most. He's my best friend on the team, and he encouraged me to get help when my drinking got out of control. He's a guy I partied with, but he was always under control and I always got out of control. He tried to comfort me, saying things like, "Let's do some sober, fun things."

    I disappeared in the spring of '09. I was at the McLean detox center [in Belmont, Mass.], in rehab for more than a month. By that point, my drug problem had gotten so bad that I think pretty much everybody knew something was going on. I told the Jets' higher-ups where I was going.

    If I hadn't gone to get that help, I really think my job would've been in jeopardy. That wasn't necessarily the reason I went to rehab, but I was pushing my luck with the Jets. I would miss appointments with Coach Cav [quarterbacks coach Matt Cavanaugh], who was taking his own free time to teach me. I missed workouts like I was a 10-year veteran, and that's not my style. I'm a hardworking person, but my drug problem had gotten so bad that my work started to suffer.

    I got out of rehab and I lasted three or four months, but I started drinking, socially. About four months after I started drinking, I was a hard-core alcoholic. I thought I was a drug addict and didn't have an alcohol problem. I didn't listen to what the people were telling me in my Narcotics Anonymous meetings. They said alcohol is a drug, and I just didn't listen to them.

    Throughout my drinking days, I made some big mistakes. I was driving under the influence almost every night, so I moved into a place I couldn't afford just because it was closer to the bars [in Morristown, N.J.] -- and it was a nice place to bring women.

    I don't feel lucky that I never hurt myself; that was never a big concern. The big concern was that I'd get in an accident and hurt somebody else. If I hurt somebody driving under the influence, I don't think I would've been able to live with myself.


    [+] EnlargeAP Photo/Fred Jewell
    Erik credits his uncle, Danny Ainge (left), as a spiritual influence and said he still wears the rubber bands on his wrist that Ainge and his Suns teammate Dan Majerle (right) would give him as a kid.
    Did I ever think about killing myself? Let's put it this way: I've overdosed several times and had to be taken to the hospital. I don't know if you'd call that suicidal or not, but any time you overdose on drugs, you have to step back and think about why that's happening. The last time it happened was before I went to rehab the first time [in 2009]. It was heroin.

    At that point, I was using a lot of heroin. You talk about an expensive habit. I remember I used to go to the ATM and take out hundreds of dollars at a time. Fortunately, I never had to steal -- that's very common for addicts -- but I lied to people and destroyed relationships.

    I made a lot of poor life decisions. I got a roommate, a friend from back home in Oregon -- big mistake. He moved in with me [in New Jersey], and he was a really bad influence. Between the two of us, we were sleeping with a lot of women from the clubs and bars, and it was a recipe for disaster.

    I was getting drug-tested three or four times a week [by the NFL], but I continued to drink daily through the spring of 2010 and into the summer. That's when I relapsed with hard drugs. In July, I went on a two-week bender.

    I went to Tennessee to visit friends, and I had some trouble with the law. It never got reported because the cops were Tennessee fans, and they saw how bad a shape I was in. It was so bad that I don't even want to talk about it. I was cuffed, but instead of busting me, the cops called somebody in town that knew me.

    Two days later, I was up in Boston at rehab. I had to get help before I died.



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    I went to two different rehab centers in the Boston area, and a halfway house -- a total of almost four months as an inpatient. I was able to remain clean the whole time. The first few weeks were kind of like nails on a chalkboard for me, but I stuck it out.

    For the first time, I was prescribed bipolar medication, which seems to be working. I have what's called rapid cycling bipolar disorder, so I'm up and down and all over the place even when I'm on my medication. That's a daily battle in itself. That was diagnosed by doctors in '09. I've had it for a long time, but I never told anybody about it.

    I've had problems since high school, being manic and being very depressed. I'd get manic a lot and go get tattoos. Suffice it to say that I have a lot of tattoos -- big ones, in fact. The most recent one I got says "Crazy White Boy" in huge letters across my back. I wasn't under the influence, but I don't even remember getting the tattoo.


    The Road Ahead
    WELLESLEY, Mass. -- What's next for Erik Ainge? The backup QB, who spent last season on the reserve/did not report list, remains the property of the New York Jets, per the four-year, $1.9M contract he signed as a rookie. Realistically, it's a long shot that he'll ever suit up for them again. The Jets declined to comment on Ainge's future.

    Citing the confidentiality of the league's steroid and substance-abuse policy, the Jets also wouldn't comment on any aspect of Ainge's drug and alcohol abuse. They wouldn't say whether they have attempted to reach out to him since he was released from rehab this past fall.

    Ainge said he hasn't given much thought to what he'll do if his football career is over. "I love sports, so it would be hard for me to do something not sports-related," he said. "But I'm not at that stage yet. If I project too much into the future, all that does is cause problems."

    Ainge said the lockout has impacted his aftercare because he can't secure insurance through the league to cover his therapy sessions. He said he called the league and was told that, because he was in the substance-abuse program, he couldn't continue to receive medical coverage.

    Every player has the opportunity to receive insurance without interruption through COBRA, a league spokesman said. If a player exercises his COBRA rights by mid-May, he will experience no break in coverage and any treatment he receives before his election will be covered, according to the spokesman.

    A player also can use his league-funded health reimbursement account, if he has one, to pay the costly insurance premiums. Once a player is vested with three credited seasons, the league puts $75,000 into the HRA account.

    But Ainge has only two credited seasons; he didn't get credit for last season because he was in drug rehab and didn't report.

    -- Rich Cimini

    It gets easier over time. The first three months were harder than the next three months. I'm doing better now, but it's still very tough. When you get in bad moods or when a friend says something that hurts your feelings, my initial reaction has always been to use more drugs and numb the pain and block out what's really going on in my life.

    I don't have my No. 1 coping mechanism anymore. I'm doing all this sober and I'm dealing with it like a normal person, and I'm just not used to that. It's been tough. I created a lot of problems for myself throughout my drinking and using days. I'm suffering the consequences now, and I have to do all that sober.

    I learned how to be more spiritual than I was before. When you're laying there and you're sick and you're throwing up and you're all alone, it's easier to reach out to God than it was before. That has helped me out through the recovery process.

    A normal day for me consists of therapy with my psychiatrist and/or NA or AA meetings. Five nights a week, I go to meetings. I had four recovery groups, but I can't afford them anymore because of the NFL lockout.

    The lockout has caused a lot of problems for me. My substance-abuse insurance through the NFL and CIGNA got canceled as a result of the lockout. If I were a normal player -- let's say I had a broken leg and I was in the hospital -- they'd have forms they would've sent me to continue receiving insurance through the NFL. Since I'm a drug addict in the drug program, my insurance just got canceled, and I didn't like that.

    My family has been great. When I went back to rehab, some of them were like, "Here we go again." But they never gave up on me. My uncle Danny took me in from the halfway house to live with his family until I decide on what to do from here, which has been huge. He's someone I look up to. When I was a kid, he and Dan Majerle [former Phoenix Suns teammates] used to wear rubber bands on their wrist. They used to give them to me when they couldn't wear them anymore.

    At 24, I still wear those rubber bands on my wrist. My uncle has been a pretty big influence on me, especially from a spiritual standpoint. He's the bishop at the Mormon Church in Wellesley, Mass. I see what kind of man he is, and that's what I want to be someday. Danny Ainge will always be a positive name, but I can make Erik Ainge a positive name again if I make the right decisions from here on out.

    As far as my future in football, it remains uncertain. After eight months, I'm just trying to stay clean and be a better person. It's not like I'm fine and I'm cured and I'm ready to go, gung-ho, back at it. I want this to be the last time that I ever have to try to get clean, and I'm going slowly.

    I still have a lot of work to do, but I am proud of being eight months sober. I've never been sober or clean for this long since I was 11. The best part is being able to help other people. That makes it easier for me to stay clean, knowing I can help other people. I've been going to some high schools in the Boston area, telling my story and relaying my message. If I can help one kid, it would be worth it.

    I'm showing people that love me that I am changing for the better through my actions, and I'm starting to make amends to those people I've wronged. The Jets will be one of those people because I wasn't trustworthy. I should've been there for them, and I wasn't. It's a long, hard process, asking for forgiveness, but I plan on doing it -- for them and for myself.

    The reason I decided to speak so openly about this is because I want to bring awareness to mental health and the disease of addiction. Kids and athletes need to know it's OK to ask for help and to talk to somebody about what's going on in their lives. I was afraid to talk before, but through my NA program and God, I'm not afraid to ask for help or talk openly anymore.

    I still have fear, but I'm not afraid.
Working...
X