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Thread: We Entertain Royalty ? The Kings Are Here!

  1. #1

    Post We Entertain Royalty ? The Kings Are Here!

    We Entertain Royalty ? The Kings Are Here!
    Written by IndyHoya

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    AREA 55 NEWS YOU CAN TAKE TO THE BANK!!!!!

    Salutations fellow 55ers!

    Tonight our boys take on the lowly Sacramento Kings in a homer at Conseco. In looking at our prospects, there is reason for harboring a bit of rosy optimism. The Pacers are back from Dixie after pausing just long enough to stomp all over the Bobcats’ playoff prospects. As I put these words to pen, we’re now sitting in 8th place in the East and looking at a playoff spot. We’re 3 big games ahead of Charlotte and Milwaukee. All seems well.

    However, rosy optimism isn’t my natural state. This game tonight with Sacramento has me a little worried. Why’s that?

    Well, first of all the Kings, though lowly, aren’t exactly tanking. They just bumped off Milwaukee. They also have a couple of pretty good players in Tyreke Evans and DeMarcus Cousins who could give us trouble. As for us, we’ve been playing so well and rising to so many occasions of late – those wins against the Knicks, the Bulls, and the Bobcats all fit the category of “BIG” wins – that I have to worry about an emotional letdown. Under such circumstances, a home game against a lousy team like Sacramento – a game that on paper should be a real laugher – looks sort of scary to me. Consequently my adrenalin is flowing, my entrails are all knotted up, and all the “fear-flight” instincts in the lizard part of my brain are now operating at full tilt.

    Accordingly, it is incumbent on us, as diehard Pacers fans, to show up tonight in our Friday night day-glow yellow and keep our guys’ noses to the grindstone. Remember, we aren’t in the playoffs yet. And until we definitely are, none of us can be leaning back in our Barcaloungers and sipping Manhattans.

    Don’t Forget Yer Tix! PS&E’s friend to all the world, Troy Brokl, graced me with the following email yesterday. Pay attention. Here’s how we get our tix for tonight’s game!

    “Good Afternoon

    Its ticket pickup time again! We will be distributing the last 7 games of the season this Friday, March 25th before the Sacramento game. Please stop by our table located in the Indiana University Health Entry Pavilion. Our table will be located by the Practice Court window on the Delaware Street side.

    Please be reminded that the table will not open until 5:30 PM. So plan on stopping by to pick up your tickets before the game! The table will be open through the end of the first quarter. If you arrive later than that, please plan on picking up your tickets at will call.”

    PTO Doings: Lotsa peeps are now showing up pre-game at the Pacers Tailgating Organization meetings (located in the Anthem Parking Lot on the southeast side of the Delaware Street Conseco entrance) to emotionally prepare for the ensuing ordeals. Some of the attendees at the PTOs are dipsomaniacal; others sip nothing stronger than Diet Pepsis. Whatever you beverage of choice, you owe it to yourselves to attend a PTO. It’s a nice opportunity to hobnob with your fellow idiots; express your slanted opinions to others who might actually take them seriously, and maybe consume a cheap bratwurst or two (if PTO management remembers to bring the grill). Personally, I go for the comic relief, which always serves to relax me and alleviate my pre-game Pacers jitters. A good time to show up is around 6:00 PM.

    An Apologia for the Missing Newsletters and the Tardiness of This One. Yeah, okay, I didn’t get any Newsletter out prior to the Knicks and Bulls games. Those of you have been emailing me and chiding my Catholic conscience about these omissions have made your point. I feel real guilty. However, to my credit (and unlike many of you low-breeds), I do work for a living. It’s March Madness time too and I have had to put my journalistic skills on hold in order to watch my beloved Hoyas get eliminated by Virginia Commonwealth and a couple of other games of serious interest. Also my clients tend to send me nasty emails too demanding that I work for them. Life is sometimes hard.

    As for the lateness of this one, well my excuse is the Butler-Wisconsin game and a couple of paying Mexican clients that want out of their present marriages.

    You have to love those Dawgs!

    AND NOW FOR SOME FUN FACTS ABOUT SACRAMENTO!

    Sacramento! A Team on the Move! Yup, Sacramento is a team in motion. This shouldn’t surprise anyone as, from a historic perspective, they always seem to have been. From their primitive origins in Rochester, New York eons ago (when most of you were just vague sexual ideas in your parents frenzied loins, if that) the Kings have gradually trekked across the length and breadth of America to make their way to where they are now – Sacramento, the capital city of the Golden State. Look at this history!

    Rochester Royals 1948-57
    Cincinnati Royals 1957-72
    Kansas City-Omaha Kings 1972-75
    Kansas City Kings 1975-85
    Sacramento Kings 1985-

    Think about all these moves and name changes and all the fan heartbreak each of these entailed. I for one most appreciate the noble effort between 1972 and 1975 when what is now Sacramento was the “Kansas City-Omaha Kings.” Imagine that, trying to simultaneously be a home team in Kansas City, Missouri and Omaha, Nebraska, winning hearts and minds of citizens of two cities, in two states, simultaneously and more than 150 miles apart! Unfortunately, the divided love didn’t work and Omaha got the short stick. My condolences to Kings fans in Omaha. It must still rankle.

    But all the movement isn’t over yet! See, the Kings are owned by a rich Lebanese-American family called the Maloofs. The Maloofs want a new arena. (Ever heard this story before?) The Maloofs think Sacramento (and not the Maloofs) should build the new arena. When the matter was put to a vote, the Sacramento citizenry didn’t want to tax themselves to build the new arena. And we all know what happens after that.

    More on That Troublesome Old Arena:

    The old Sacramento arena, where the Kings play there home games was originally known as the Arco Arena. It has now been dubbed the “Power Balance Pavilion” – a name change prompted by $$$ considerations on the part of the mighty Maloofs. This name change is one of the sillier and more shameless examples of owner greed and lack of moral conscience extant in the annals of American sports economics. Why’s that?

    Well, consider “Power Balance” the company that manufactures the “Power Balance Wristband” and the “Power Balance Necklace”. That company is the one honored by the Maloofs.

    The PB Wristband and Necklace are a ripoff. However, they are ripoffs that have made “Power Balance” a lot of money. Here’s how it works:

    You take an old trick that scamsters have been doing for eons, dress it up with some pretty design and some sciency sounding words. Then you advertise yourself in gymnasiums around the country and convince the sweaty (but stupid) denizens of those gyms that your magic plastic wrist band can make them stronger and have better balance. Then, once you have the money rolling in from that (and at $60 a pop for bangles that probably cost less than a dollar to make, it rolls in fast), you convince a few television shows and NBA stars to give you some free publicity. When that publicity backfires a little and causes some questioning of the product you then run away and hide, cutting off all communication with critics because you can’t justify the claims you make. Of course, this is no biggie. The only damage done to impacted victims is financial and even then $60 isn’t a great deal of money. Taking it from kids and basketball playing dumbasses without offering anything of any benefit in return is naughty, but hell, most people don’t die just because someone came along and swindled them out of $60.

    Here are some nifty reviews of the PB wristbands:

    http://tinyurl.com/6ehhoyd

    http://tinyurl.com/yaq2t99

    So the Maloofs, in re-naming the Arco arena the “Power Balance Pavilion” is a little like naming it the “Pet Rock Arena,” the “Placebo Pavilion,” or the “Snake Oil Sanatorium”

    Apropos of other famous American scams, alternative suggestions for the renaming of Arco coming from some offended citizens of Sacramento that were rejected by the Maloofs in favor of the “Power Balance Pavilion” included: “The Bernard Madoff Pavilion”; “The Ponzi Pavilion”; “The Nigerian Email Arena”; and “Subprime Mortgage Stadium”.

    As American wit H. L. Mencken once said:

    “No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.”

    On to Anaheim! Anyway, it seems that because Sacramento’s citizenry does not want to build the Maloofs their arena (there was the usual referendum and the folks voted a resounding no), the Kings appear now be moving on to Anaheim. The word is that trademarks have been applied for by persons acting for the Maloofs. there they will be known by one of four new names: Los Angeles Royals, Anaheim Royals, Orange County Royals and the Anaheim Royals of Southern California.

    No one from the Kings organization will talk about the proposed new names on camera. Those of you that want a revival of the old ABA name of the “Anaheim Amigos” seem to be **** outa luck.

    ***

    Well, that’s it for now. Sorry the Newsletter’s so brief and so late this time. But until the Butler Bulldogs and VCU get eliminated, I will be sucking beer and cramming Cheetos into my maw and watching b-ball til my eyes fall out. During this respite, the Area 55 Newsletter will be placed on temporary life-support. Fear not, loyal fans. It shall return with a vengeance come next week.

    The main thing, 55ers, is to go to the Pacers game tonight with the Kings and help our boys get another win. We can’t let up. Our guys are suddenly really looking, and playing like, a real playoff team. Let’s reward their efforts, sustain the recent momentum, and make things truly miserable for the Kings.

    Go Pacers! Go Area 55!

    Joe Murphy (IndyHoya)


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  3. #2

    Default Re: We Entertain Royalty ? The Kings Are Here!

    Snake Oil Sanatorium...

    Gotta love the USA and free enterprise. So many morons to swindle! $$

  4. #3
    The Doctor's In The House TheDon's Avatar
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    Default Re: We Entertain Royalty ? The Kings Are Here!

    That is hilarious I had no idea the Maloofs had a hand in the power balance scam, although it's also not entirely surprising. That commercial cracks me up I'm completely stunned that people selling magic potions and items off of carts seemingly still has a market in America. In the by the way department I have some rocks I'd like to sale that keeps tigers away for $60 if anyone is interested.

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