I have been waiting for an article like this to be written


You have everything you need to take your kid to an NFL game this Sunday? Program?

Binoculars? Nunchucks?

Actually, if I were you, I wouldn't take my kid. I'd take Manny Pacquiao. NFL stadiums are rougher than sandpaper thongs lately.

These days, NFL fans make NHL fans look like Miss Manners. They're often buy-a-vowel drunk, spewing cuss words and looking to fight. And the men are sometimes worse.

This year alone:

A plastered Browns fan tackled an 8-year-old kid in a New York Jets jersey, cutting the boy's ankle.

A man was stabbed and another bruised before a game at Candlestick in San Francisco. Police were looking for a fan in a 49ers jersey.

A man at Soldier Field in Chicago fell to his death from 20 feet up on Sunday.

Having fun, kids?

I wouldn't take anybody not built like a side-by-side freezer to an NFL game now. With insane popularity comes inane people, and we're not just talking about Pittsburgh's James Harrison. All the NFL is missing is crowds chanting, "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"

Don't go. Just sit your kid in front of your HD screen with a bowl of Cheetos and the remote. Guaranteed, your HD screen won't do the following (warning, these links get gross and the language is NOT for kids):

(A) Follow her around blowing a vuvuzela in her ear.
(B) Throw punches at her so she misses a touchdown.
(C) Make just walking away a terrifying experience.
Still, if you INSIST on taking any child who isn't at least a brown belt, here are some survival tips:
The only thing I did not agree with is him saying closing parking lots of cutting beer sales off would fix this problem. I would have no problem with them stopping the sale of beeer at halftime, however I do not think there is much you can do about the pre game problems. If people want to drink, they will just drink before the game, or do like college kids and get all there drinking in in 30 minutes before kickoff.

I do agree this is a problem, and one that the NFL is "working on" but still has a lot of work left to do.