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Thread: WORST 10 PLAYERS TO EVER BE LABELED "THE NEXT LARRY BIRD"(FUNNY)

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    Default WORST 10 PLAYERS TO EVER BE LABELED "THE NEXT LARRY BIRD"(FUNNY)

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    The Great White Hype

    Maybe they meant the next Bird, based on how Larry would play today?
    Magic Johnson once said, “There will never, eva be another Larry Bird.” Tell that to the media. Every couple of years, a successful white player enters the NBA and instantly becomes anointed as the second coming of Larry Legend (I’m looking at you, Tyler Hansbrough). Forget about Bird’s underrated court vision, defensive anticipation, leadership, and downright cockiness — the only prerequisite for drawing a comparison to the legend is being tall and Caucasian. While some players, such as Dirk Nowitzki and Chris Mullin, carved out Hall of Fame-worthy careers in Bird’s shadow (even Tom Chambers had five 20-point seasons), most haven’t fared quite so well. Here’s a look at the ten worst players who were once labeled as “The Next Larry Bird.”

    1. Adam Morrison: A 6′8″ white guy with floppy hair and a prebubescent mustache is bound to draw comparisons to Bird. Morrison averaged 11.8 points per game as a rookie on 38% shooting, placing him last among regulars in John Hollinger’s PER rankings. After missing the entire 2007/08 season with a torn ACL, he was traded to the Lakers because he “couldn’t handle the pressure” of being the third pick — completely out of character for a man who once cried on the court. Morrison averaged 1.3 points in six minutes per game for Los Angeles.

    2. Andrew Gaze: The greatest Australian baller this side of Luc Longley was cut by the Sonics in favor of the legendary Scott Meents in 1990, and went on to play 26 games in the NBA with the Bullets and Spurs, scoring 46 points — total (1.7 per game). He was given a championship ring by the Spurs despite being left off the playoff roster 1999, putting him somewhere between Jack Haley and Darko Milicic on the all-time undeserved ring recipients list. But according to Donn Nelson, Gaze has “the full international package,” which if nothing else makes him the Aussie Dirk Diggler.

    3. Eric Montross: Prior to the 1994 Draft, Boston general manager M.L. Carr said the 7′0″ stiff was “cut from the same cloth” as Larry Legend. Yes, that Eric Montross, who put up 12 points, seven rebounds, and zero three-point attempts at UNC. Even more remarkable is the fact that Bird himself was working as a Celtics special assistant and gave him a strong evalutation. Montross averaged 4.9 points, 4.6 rebounds, 0.6 blocks over 11 seasons, and Carr’s Celtics won 35, 33, and a franchise-worst 15 games in his three seasons as GM and head coach.

    4. Danny Ferry: You know it’s a sad day when Danny Ferry comes in fourth on a “worst” list. After refusing to play for the Clippers, Ferry signed an absurd 10-year, $37 million contract with the Cavs, and averaged seven points and three rebounds per game in 13 seasons. He was tall, painfully slow, and had an ugly lean-in set shot. While Bird wasn’t afraid to fight Julius Erving and Bill Laimbeer, Ferry’s career-defining moment was *****-slapping Marcus Camby and ducking behind Jeff Van Gundy to avoid a retaliatory roundhouse punch.

    5. Austin Croshere: Croshere averaged career highs of 10.3 points and 6.4 rebounds in 1999/00 while playing under Bird in Indiana. He was rewarded with a cap-killing, seven-year, $51 million contract, making him the second highest-paid player on the conference champions. He predictably fell out of the Pacers’ rotation and never came close to living up to his contract. Shockingly, he’s still in the league, putting up 2.9 points and 2.3 rebounds in 14 games with the Bucks and Spurs last season.

    6. Wally Szczerbiak: Once described as having a “Larry Bird game” along with “a Tom Cruise smile” (I feel a little dirty just writing that), Szczerbiak made one undeserved All-Star appearance in 2002. He’s since bounced around the league and put up career lows of seven points and 3.1 rebounds per game with Cleveland last season. But at least both Szczerbiak and Bird played for the Celtics and wore double digits on their jerseys, which is more than most of the other guys can say.

    7. Troy Murphy: Murphy might’ve ranked higher had it not been for his career season in 2008/09, when he averaged 14.3 points (45% from beyond the arc), 11.2 rebounds (second in the NBA), and 2.4 assists. It’s probably no coincidence that Bird brought him to Indiana, either. While he’ll still never come close to Larry Legend territory, I should admint that I’ve had an inflated perception of Murphy ever since he demolished me in a high school pickup game.

    8. Keith Van Horn: The second overall pick in 1997 had his best years with the Nets, even appearing on the cover of NBA Jam ‘99, before playing for four teams in his final four years in the league. Van Horn averaged 16 points per game for his career, and is best remembered for wearing high knee socks. While Bird had a guaranteed contract when he retired and forfeited his last two paychecks, Van Horn came out of “retirement” to accept $4.3 million to stay home. Because that $73 million contract he once signed couldn’t feed his family.

    9. Mike Dunleavy Jr. / Mike Miller: After putting up 5.7 points per game as a rookie, Dunleavy shed the bust label by registering a career best 19.1 points in 2007/08. Last I checked, however, he’s still a Dukie. Miller is a solid role player and has established himself as a terrific long-range shooter. Then again, I can say the same things about Pat Garrity or Jason Kapono, who (hopefully) never drew Bird comparisons. Either way, I’m grouping Dunleavy and Miller together because they share their sisters’ hair bands.

    10. Christian Laettner: Laettner never emerged into the superstar many expected, putting up 13.3 points per game and 6.9 rebounds per game for six teams. A one-time All-Star reserve in 1997, he was inexplicably selected to the 1992 Dream Team based on his collegiate accomplishments, leading Charles Barkley to note that “the only thing Christian Laettner has in common with Larry Bird is they both pee standing up.” Yep, that’s why we love you, Chuck.

    Honorable Mention:

    *Joe Alexander: It didn’t take long for Alexander to get compared to both Larry Bird and Jerry West in one ESPN telecast. This is just a classic example of announcer idiocy.

    *Eric Piatkowski: I’m not sure if Piatkowski was ever actually referred to as a Bird heir, but it wouldn’t be surprising. I just wanted to show some love for “The Polish Rifle,” who was once fined for wearing his shorts too low. Dude’s as gangsta as Larry.

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    Default Re: WORST 10 PLAYERS TO EVER BE LABELED "THE NEXT LARRY BIRD"(FUNNY)

    My favorite was when Wes Unseld drafted Tom Gugliotta when he was with the Washington Bullets. A reporter asked Unseld if Googs could be compared with Bird and Unseld foolishly said "He's gonna be Big Bird".

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    Default Re: WORST 10 PLAYERS TO EVER BE LABELED "THE NEXT LARRY BIRD"(FUNNY)

    Did E.Montross go to Lawrence North? Or am I thinking of someone else?
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    Default Re: WORST 10 PLAYERS TO EVER BE LABELED "THE NEXT LARRY BIRD"(FUNNY)

    Quote Originally Posted by Anthem View Post
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    Did E.Montross go to Lawrence North? Or am I thinking of someone else?
    That's him.

    Interesting that there are THREE Pacers on this list.

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    Default Re: WORST 10 PLAYERS TO EVER BE LABELED "THE NEXT LARRY BIRD"(FUNNY)

    Scoop Jackson: There will be another michael jordan but there will never be another Larry Bird.

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    Default Re: WORST 10 PLAYERS TO EVER BE LABELED "THE NEXT LARRY BIRD"(FUNNY)

    Quote Originally Posted by Shade View Post
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    Interesting that there are THREE Pacers on this list.
    I think we all noted that. Crazy.
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    Default Re: WORST 10 PLAYERS TO EVER BE LABELED "THE NEXT LARRY BIRD"(FUNNY)

    I've never heard Tyler Hansbrough compared to Larry Bird - not sure why he'd even bring that up.

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    Default Re: WORST 10 PLAYERS TO EVER BE LABELED "THE NEXT LARRY BIRD"(FUNNY)

    Quote Originally Posted by vnzla81 View Post
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    10. Christian Laettner: Laettner never emerged into the superstar many expected, putting up 13.3 points per game and 6.9 rebounds per game for six teams. A one-time All-Star reserve in 1997, he was inexplicably selected to the 1992 Dream Team based on his collegiate accomplishments, leading Charles Barkley to note that “the only thing Christian Laettner has in common with Larry Bird is they both pee standing up.” Yep, that’s why we love you, Chuck.

    Honorable Mention:

    *Joe Alexander: It didn’t take long for Alexander to get compared to both Larry Bird and Jerry West in one ESPN telecast. This is just a classic example of announcer idiocy.
    It should be noted:

    1. I don't know if that's exactly what Barkley said at the time, but about 4-5 years ago on TNT in a post game show, Barkley said that he always hated when people compared a supposed up and coming white player to Bird. He said the only thing Bird and Laettner had in common was that they were both white.

    2. Joe Alexander is a good example of a workout warrior. Dude dominated all the drills in the combine. He had great results in the vertical leap, bench press, lane agility and sprints. Of course when the game actually starts, he doesn't look all that athletic, probably because the game involves playing with 9 other guys on the floor with a ball.

    That's why I hate it when people watch a guy like Hansbrough and think he's not that athletic, then his combine results come back and he puts up decent numbers and people think, "Oh he did great in these drills. He's pretty athletic afterall!"

    When Grant Hill and Allan Houston were both in their physical primes playing in Detroit together, guess who had the highest vertical leap on the team? All World Athlete Grant Hill or jumpshooting Allan Houston? Here's a hint: it wasn't Grant Hill.

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    Default Re: WORST 10 PLAYERS TO EVER BE LABELED "THE NEXT LARRY BIRD"(FUNNY)

    I find this article and thread to be in bad taste and has no place here on this forum.

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    Default Re: WORST 10 PLAYERS TO EVER BE LABELED "THE NEXT LARRY BIRD"(FUNNY)

    [QUOTE=Shade;892289]That's him.

    Interesting that there are THREE Pacers on this list.[/QUOTE]

    This is the reason why I posted this. I did not know that Van Horn scored 16ppg and 7years and 51mil for Austin? Damn.

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    Default Re: WORST 10 PLAYERS TO EVER BE LABELED "THE NEXT LARRY BIRD"(FUNNY)

    Quote Originally Posted by Country Boy View Post
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    I find this article and thread to be in bad taste and has no place here on this forum.

    Why? I see no problem with it. :shrugs:

    It doesn't make fun of Larry or white people. It makes fun of stupid comparisons.

    I bet there is a 10 MJ comparison out there too.

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    Default Re: WORST 10 PLAYERS TO EVER BE LABELED "THE NEXT LARRY BIRD"(FUNNY)

    Jalen Rose was much closer to being "the next Larry Bird" than all of these guys. That's how stupid it is to make player comparisons based on race.
    Why do the things that we treasure most, slip away in time
    Till to the music we grow deaf, to God's beauty blind
    Why do the things that connect us slowly pull us apart?
    Till we fall away in our own darkness, a stranger to our own hearts
    And life itself, rushing over me
    Life itself, the wind in black elms,
    Life itself in your heart and in your eyes, I can't make it without you


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    Default Re: WORST 10 PLAYERS TO EVER BE LABELED "THE NEXT LARRY BIRD"(FUNNY)

    If you count Piatkowski that makes four. He was mentioned in the article. If the Pacers
    select Hanabrough I am sure he will get the comparison as well.
    {o,o}
    |)__)
    -"-"-

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    Default Re: WORST 10 PLAYERS TO EVER BE LABELED "THE NEXT LARRY BIRD"(FUNNY)

    I think the question is what a player has to do to be the next Larry Bird? shoot? pass? score 30ppg? I know that Larry was a good player even though he was not that athletic I think this is where all this comparisons are coming from, non athletic players who can shoot, pass and score but don't have the heart to be in winning mode at all times like Larry.

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    Default Re: WORST 10 PLAYERS TO EVER BE LABELED "THE NEXT LARRY BIRD"(FUNNY)

    Quote Originally Posted by vnzla81 View Post
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    I think the question is what a player has to do to be the next Larry Bird? shoot? pass? score 30ppg? I know that Larry was a good player even though he was not that athletic I think this is where all this comparisons are coming from, non athletic players who can shoot, pass and score but don't have the heart to be in winning mode at all times like Larry.
    There are plenty of black players who are never compared to Larry Bird whose games are more like his than any of these white guys. Unfortunately, it's mostly about race. Jay brings up a good example with Jalen Rose.

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    Default Re: WORST 10 PLAYERS TO EVER BE LABELED "THE NEXT LARRY BIRD"(FUNNY)

    Quote Originally Posted by ChicagoJ View Post
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    Jalen Rose was much closer to being "the next Larry Bird" than all of these guys. That's how stupid it is to make player comparisons based on race.
    Actually, I thought that John Williams (yes, "Hot Plate") showed more similarities before he blew out his knee than a lot of guys.

    The problem I have with this column is that I can't remember most of these guys being declared the "Next Larry Bird" anywhere other than in this piece. He's reaching so far on the Eric Montross/ML Carr quote, I shocked he didn't pull a muscle.

    This is just a list of white guys who have been moderately to incredibly disappointing.

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    Default Re: WORST 10 PLAYERS TO EVER BE LABELED "THE NEXT LARRY BIRD"(FUNNY)

    Quote Originally Posted by count55 View Post
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    The problem I have with this column is that I can't remember most of these guys being declared the "Next Larry Bird" anywhere other than in this piece.
    You're kidding.

    At the very least, you don't remember the Ammo comparisons? They were recent.

    EDIT: Probably not discussable on the forum, but the first result when googling "Adam Morrison Larry Bird" is a great article on the subject.

    http://www.google.com/search?q=adam+morrison+larry+bird

    http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2...sterman/060111

    Skip down to the part about Malcolm Gladwell.
    Last edited by Anthem; 06-09-2009 at 09:21 AM.
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    Default Re: WORST 10 PLAYERS TO EVER BE LABELED "THE NEXT LARRY BIRD"(FUNNY)

    Quote Originally Posted by Anthem View Post
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    You're kidding.

    At the very least, you don't remember the Ammo comparisons? They were recent.

    EDIT: Probably not discussable on the forum, but the first result when googling "Adam Morrison Larry Bird" is a great article on the subject.

    http://www.google.com/search?q=adam+morrison+larry+bird

    http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2...sterman/060111

    Skip down to the part about Malcolm Gladwell.
    Yeah, I remember Ammo, but not Alexander or Piatkowski or AC or T-Murda or Gaze or Mike Miller, and nobody with functioning IQ above room temperature ever even mused that Eric Montross would be the "next Larry Bird." (ML Carr's quote, while still not right, never even approached that claim.)

    What I think happened was he probably got started with Ammo as a failed "next Larry Bird," then tried to milk it for an article. Problem is, once you get past Ammo, Ferry, Laettner, and maybe KVH, you don't have a lot of people who were consistently drawing comparisons to Bird. So, he filled it out with a bunch of other white guys who he felt he could rip in a funny way.

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    Default Re: WORST 10 PLAYERS TO EVER BE LABELED "THE NEXT LARRY BIRD"(FUNNY)

    One Player I think that could be compared to Larry Bird is Steve Nash, I know they play different positions but Steve is pretty close in scoring and assist, Nash is also one of few player to win more than two MPV's , the only problem is that it took him a while to reach that level.

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    Default Re: WORST 10 PLAYERS TO EVER BE LABELED "THE NEXT LARRY BIRD"(FUNNY)

    Quote Originally Posted by vnzla81 View Post
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    I think the question is what a player has to do to be the next Larry Bird?
    The answer is that you have to have a killer mustache and a southern twang.

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    Default Re: WORST 10 PLAYERS TO EVER BE LABELED "THE NEXT LARRY BIRD"(FUNNY)

    Quote Originally Posted by count55 View Post
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    Problem is, once you get past Ammo, Ferry, Laettner, and maybe KVH, you don't have a lot of people who were consistently drawing comparisons to Bird.
    He didn't make the list, but didn't Googs get the comparison a fair bit?

    Anyway, I think this article was ripped off of an earlier one:

    http://www.slate.com/id/2132097/
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    Default Re: WORST 10 PLAYERS TO EVER BE LABELED "THE NEXT LARRY BIRD"(FUNNY)

    Quote Originally Posted by Anthem View Post
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    You're kidding.

    At the very least, you don't remember the Ammo comparisons? They were recent.

    EDIT: Probably not discussable on the forum, but the first result when googling "Adam Morrison Larry Bird" is a great article on the subject.

    http://www.google.com/search?q=adam+morrison+larry+bird

    http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2...sterman/060111

    Skip down to the part about Malcolm Gladwell.
    I have unhealthy mancrush on Malcolm Gladwell - he is disturbingly dead on.

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    Default Re: WORST 10 PLAYERS TO EVER BE LABELED "THE NEXT LARRY BIRD"(FUNNY)

    Quote Originally Posted by Country Boy View Post
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    I find this article and thread to be in bad taste and has no place here on this forum.
    I agree with the "gist" of the article rubbing me the wrong way, but not to the point where it should be removed from the site. One thing is for sure, I don't see the humor that the O.P. is seeing.
    ...Still "flying casual"
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    Default Re: WORST 10 PLAYERS TO EVER BE LABELED "THE NEXT LARRY BIRD"(FUNNY)

    Quote Originally Posted by Roaming Gnome View Post
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    I agree with the "gist" of the article rubbing me the wrong way, but not to the point where it should be removed from the site.
    True, however all will take is one or two posters who will take the thread in the wrong direction before it is jerked. I see no value in the "gist" on the article outside of provoking knee jerk reactions.

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    Default Re: WORST 10 PLAYERS TO EVER BE LABELED "THE NEXT LARRY BIRD"(FUNNY)

    Quote Originally Posted by Country Boy View Post
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    True, however all will take is one or two posters who will take the thread in the wrong direction before it is jerked. I see no value in the "gist" on the article outside of provoking knee jerk reactions.
    Cross your fingers and hope for the best, dude.

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