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The Rules of Pacers Digest

Hello everyone,

Whether your are a long standing forum member or whether you have just registered today, it's a good idea to read and review the rules below so that you have a very good idea of what to expect when you come to Pacers Digest.

A quick note to new members: Your posts will not immediately show up when you make them. An administrator has to approve at least your first post before the forum software will later upgrade your account to the status of a fully-registered member. This usually happens within a couple of hours or so after your post(s) is/are approved, so you may need to be a little patient at first.

Why do we do this? So that it's more difficult for spammers (be they human or robot) to post, and so users who are banned cannot immediately re-register and start dousing people with verbal flames.

Below are the rules of Pacers Digest. After you have read them, you will have a very good sense of where we are coming from, what we expect, what we don't want to see, and how we react to things.

Rule #1

Pacers Digest is intended to be a place to discuss basketball without having to deal with the kinds of behaviors or attitudes that distract people from sticking with the discussion of the topics at hand. These unwanted distractions can come in many forms, and admittedly it can sometimes be tricky to pin down each and every kind that can rear its ugly head, but we feel that the following examples and explanations cover at least a good portion of that ground and should at least give people a pretty good idea of the kinds of things we actively discourage:

"Anyone who __________ is a liar / a fool / an idiot / a blind homer / has their head buried in the sand / a blind hater / doesn't know basketball / doesn't watch the games"

"People with intelligence will agree with me when I say that __________"

"Only stupid people think / believe / do ___________"

"I can't wait to hear something from PosterX when he/she sees that **insert a given incident or current event that will have probably upset or disappointed PosterX here**"

"He/she is just delusional"

"This thread is stupid / worthless / embarrassing"

"I'm going to take a moment to point and / laugh at PosterX / GroupOfPeopleY who thought / believed *insert though/belief here*"

"Remember when PosterX said OldCommentY that no longer looks good? "

In general, if a comment goes from purely on topic to something 'ad hominem' (personal jabs, personal shots, attacks, flames, however you want to call it, towards a person, or a group of people, or a given city/state/country of people), those are most likely going to be found intolerable.

We also dissuade passive aggressive behavior. This can be various things, but common examples include statements that are basically meant to imply someone is either stupid or otherwise incapable of holding a rational conversation. This can include (but is not limited to) laughing at someone's conclusions rather than offering an honest rebuttal, asking people what game they were watching, or another common problem is Poster X will say "that player isn't that bad" and then Poster Y will say something akin to "LOL you think that player is good". We're not going to tolerate those kinds of comments out of respect for the community at large and for the sake of trying to just have an honest conversation.

Now, does the above cover absolutely every single kind of distraction that is unwanted? Probably not, but you should by now have a good idea of the general types of things we will be discouraging. The above examples are meant to give you a good feel for / idea of what we're looking for. If something new or different than the above happens to come along and results in the same problem (that being, any other attitude or behavior that ultimately distracts from actually just discussing the topic at hand, or that is otherwise disrespectful to other posters), we can and we will take action to curb this as well, so please don't take this to mean that if you managed to technically avoid saying something exactly like one of the above examples that you are then somehow off the hook.

That all having been said, our goal is to do so in a generally kind and respectful way, and that doesn't mean the moment we see something we don't like that somebody is going to be suspended or banned, either. It just means that at the very least we will probably say something about it, quite possibly snipping out the distracting parts of the post in question while leaving alone the parts that are actually just discussing the topics, and in the event of a repeating or excessive problem, then we will start issuing infractions to try to further discourage further repeat problems, and if it just never seems to improve, then finally suspensions or bans will come into play. We would prefer it never went that far, and most of the time for most of our posters, it won't ever have to.

A slip up every once and a while is pretty normal, but, again, when it becomes repetitive or excessive, something will be done. Something occasional is probably going to be let go (within reason), but when it starts to become habitual or otherwise a pattern, odds are very good that we will step in.

There's always a small minority that like to push people's buttons and/or test their own boundaries with regards to the administrators, and in the case of someone acting like that, please be aware that this is not a court of law, but a private website run by people who are simply trying to do the right thing as they see it. If we feel that you are a special case that needs to be dealt with in an exceptional way because your behavior isn't explicitly mirroring one of our above examples of what we generally discourage, we can and we will take atypical action to prevent this from continuing if you are not cooperative with us.

Also please be aware that you will not be given a pass simply by claiming that you were 'only joking,' because quite honestly, when someone really is just joking, for one thing most people tend to pick up on the joke, including the person or group that is the target of the joke, and for another thing, in the event where an honest joke gets taken seriously and it upsets or angers someone, the person who is truly 'only joking' will quite commonly go out of his / her way to apologize and will try to mend fences. People who are dishonest about their statements being 'jokes' do not do so, and in turn that becomes a clear sign of what is really going on. It's nothing new.

In any case, quite frankly, the overall quality and health of the entire forum's community is more important than any one troublesome user will ever be, regardless of exactly how a problem is exhibiting itself, and if it comes down to us having to make a choice between you versus the greater health and happiness of the entire community, the community of this forum will win every time.

Lastly, there are also some posters, who are generally great contributors and do not otherwise cause any problems, who sometimes feel it's their place to provoke or to otherwise 'mess with' that small minority of people described in the last paragraph, and while we possibly might understand why you might feel you WANT to do something like that, the truth is we can't actually tolerate that kind of behavior from you any more than we can tolerate the behavior from them. So if we feel that you are trying to provoke those other posters into doing or saying something that will get themselves into trouble, then we will start to view you as a problem as well, because of the same reason as before: The overall health of the forum comes first, and trying to stir the pot with someone like that doesn't help, it just makes it worse. Some will simply disagree with this philosophy, but if so, then so be it because ultimately we have to do what we think is best so long as it's up to us.

If you see a problem that we haven't addressed, the best and most appropriate course for a forum member to take here is to look over to the left of the post in question. See underneath that poster's name, avatar, and other info, down where there's a little triangle with an exclamation point (!) in it? Click that. That allows you to report the post to the admins so we can definitely notice it and give it a look to see what we feel we should do about it. Beyond that, obviously it's human nature sometimes to want to speak up to the poster in question who has bothered you, but we would ask that you try to refrain from doing so because quite often what happens is two or more posters all start going back and forth about the original offending post, and suddenly the entire thread is off topic or otherwise derailed. So while the urge to police it yourself is understandable, it's best to just report it to us and let us handle it. Thank you!

All of the above is going to be subject to a case by case basis, but generally and broadly speaking, this should give everyone a pretty good idea of how things will typically / most often be handled.

Rule #2

If the actions of an administrator inspire you to make a comment, criticism, or express a concern about it, there is a wrong place and a couple of right places to do so.

The wrong place is to do so in the original thread in which the administrator took action. For example, if a post gets an infraction, or a post gets deleted, or a comment within a larger post gets clipped out, in a thread discussing Paul George, the wrong thing to do is to distract from the discussion of Paul George by adding your off topic thoughts on what the administrator did.

The right places to do so are:

A) Start a thread about the specific incident you want to talk about on the Feedback board. This way you are able to express yourself in an area that doesn't throw another thread off topic, and this way others can add their two cents as well if they wish, and additionally if there's something that needs to be said by the administrators, that is where they will respond to it.

B) Send a private message to the administrators, and they can respond to you that way.

If this is done the wrong way, those comments will be deleted, and if it's a repeating problem then it may also receive an infraction as well.

Rule #3

If a poster is bothering you, and an administrator has not or will not deal with that poster to the extent that you would prefer, you have a powerful tool at your disposal, one that has recently been upgraded and is now better than ever: The ability to ignore a user.

When you ignore a user, you will unfortunately still see some hints of their existence (nothing we can do about that), however, it does the following key things:

A) Any post they make will be completely invisible as you scroll through a thread.

B) The new addition to this feature: If someone QUOTES a user you are ignoring, you do not have to read who it was, or what that poster said, unless you go out of your way to click on a link to find out who it is and what they said.

To utilize this feature, from any page on Pacers Digest, scroll to the top of the page, look to the top right where it says 'Settings' and click that. From the settings page, look to the left side of the page where it says 'My Settings', and look down from there until you see 'Edit Ignore List' and click that. From here, it will say 'Add a Member to Your List...' Beneath that, click in the text box to the right of 'User Name', type in or copy & paste the username of the poster you are ignoring, and once their name is in the box, look over to the far right and click the 'Okay' button. All done!

Rule #4

Regarding infractions, currently they carry a value of one point each, and that point will expire in 31 days. If at any point a poster is carrying three points at the same time, that poster will be suspended until the oldest of the three points expires.

Rule #5

When you share or paste content or articles from another website, you must include the URL/link back to where you found it, who wrote it, and what website it's from. Said content will be removed if this doesn't happen.

An example:

If I copy and paste an article from the Indianapolis Star website, I would post something like this:

http://www.linktothearticlegoeshere.com/article
Title of the Article
Author's Name
Indianapolis Star

Rule #6

We cannot tolerate illegal videos on Pacers Digest. This means do not share any links to them, do not mention any websites that host them or link to them, do not describe how to find them in any way, and do not ask about them. Posts doing anything of the sort will be removed, the offenders will be contacted privately, and if the problem becomes habitual, you will be suspended, and if it still persists, you will probably be banned.

The legal means of watching or listening to NBA games are NBA League Pass Broadband (for US, or for International; both cost money) and NBA Audio League Pass (which is free). Look for them on NBA.com.

Rule #7

Provocative statements in a signature, or as an avatar, or as the 'tagline' beneath a poster's username (where it says 'Member' or 'Administrator' by default, if it is not altered) are an unwanted distraction that will more than likely be removed on sight. There can be shades of gray to this, but in general this could be something political or religious that is likely going to provoke or upset people, or otherwise something that is mean-spirited at the expense of a poster, a group of people, or a population.

It may or may not go without saying, but this goes for threads and posts as well, particularly when it's not made on the off-topic board (Market Square).

We do make exceptions if we feel the content is both innocuous and unlikely to cause social problems on the forum (such as wishing someone a Merry Christmas or a Happy Easter), and we also also make exceptions if such topics come up with regards to a sports figure (such as the Lance Stephenson situation bringing up discussions of domestic abuse and the law, or when Jason Collins came out as gay and how that lead to some discussion about gay rights).

However, once the discussion seems to be more/mostly about the political issues instead of the sports figure or his specific situation, the thread is usually closed.

Rule #8

We prefer self-restraint and/or modesty when making jokes or off topic comments in a sports discussion thread. They can be fun, but sometimes they derail or distract from a topic, and we don't want to see that happen. If we feel it is a problem, we will either delete or move those posts from the thread.

Rule #9

Generally speaking, we try to be a "PG-13" rated board, and we don't want to see sexual content or similarly suggestive content. Vulgarity is a more muddled issue, though again we prefer things to lean more towards "PG-13" than "R". If we feel things have gone too far, we will step in.

Rule #10

We like small signatures, not big signatures. The bigger the signature, the more likely it is an annoying or distracting signature.

Rule #11

Do not advertise anything without talking about it with the administrators first. This includes advertising with your signature, with your avatar, through private messaging, and/or by making a thread or post.
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Random, Scattered Disturbed Thoughts

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  • Re: Random, Scattered Disturbed Thoughts

    WE MADE IT! And it feels good!!!

    According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's or even the early 80's, probably shouldn't have survived.

    Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint.

    We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets. (Not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.)

    As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

    Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

    We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. Horrors!

    We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.

    We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.

    We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

    We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as
    we were back when the street lights came on.

    No one was able to reach us all day. No cell phones. Unthinkable!

    We did not have Playstations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, video tape movies, surround sound,personal cell phones, personal computers, or Internet chat rooms. We had friends! We went outside and found them.

    We played dodge ball, and sometimes, the ball would really hurt.

    We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. They were accidents. No one was to blame but us. Remember accidents?

    We had fights and punched each other and got black and blue and learned to get over it.

    We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms, and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live inside us forever.

    We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home and knocked on the door, or rang the bell or just walked in and talked to them.

    Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Some students weren't as smart as others, so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade. Horrors! Tests were not adjusted for any reason.

    Our actions were our own. Consequences were expected, no one to hide behind.

    The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law. Imagine that!

    This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever.

    The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new deas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.

    And you're one of them. Congratulations!

    Comment


    • Re: Random, Scattered Disturbed Thoughts

      An American was sitting with a Frenchman and an Englishman in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled barrel of beer, when all of a sudden the police entered and arrested them. They were initially given the death sentence but contested this and were finally imprisoned for life. But as it was a national holiday, the Sheikh decided they should be released after each
      receiving 20 lashes of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said: "It's my first wife's birthday today and she asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping, but you cannot wish to not be whipped!"

      The Englishman thought for a second then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back before whipping." This was done but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Englishman cried in pain.
      The Frenchman saw this and said: "Please tie 2 pillows to my back before whipping." This was done and lasted for the whole 20 lashes. The Frenchman stood up smiling.
      The American saw this but before he could make his wish, the Sheikh said: "As you are from America which is a much bigger country than France and England put together, you are permitted to have two wishes!" The American thought for a second, then said: "Thank you most Royal and Merciful Highness. My first wish is to receive a hundred lashes with the strongest, toughest whip available."
      "If you so desire," the Sheikh replies with a questioning look on his face, "and your second wish?"
      ”Tie the Frenchman to my back."

      >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

      Little Johnny was in his nursery class when the teacher_ asked the children what their fathers did for a_ living. All the typical answers came up --_ fireman, policeman, salesman, etc... Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about_ his
      father.
      ”My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out to the alley with some screaming ***."
      The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set_ the other children to work on some coloring, and_ took Little Johnny aside to ask him, "Is that_ really true about your father?"
      "No," said Johnny, "He plays for the Atlanta Braves, but I was_ too embarrassed to tell."

      >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

      ·_______ NEWS FLASH!!!!!!!!!!

      SADDAM HUSSEIN CAPTURED!


      The army heard he was hiding in a field.
      They sprayed it with Viagra and the prick stood up.

      >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

      The makers of French's Mustard made the following recent statement:

      "We, at the French's Company, wish to put an end to statements that our product is manufactured in France. There is no relationship, nor has there ever been a relationship between our mustard and the country of France. Indeed, our mustard in manufactured in Rochester, NY. The only thing_ we have in common is that we are both yellow".

      >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

      An American is having breakfast one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
      Frenchman: "You American folk eat the whole bread??"
      American (in a bad mood): "Of course."
      French: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In France, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the states." The Frenchman has a smirk on his face.
      The American listens in silence.
      The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"
      American: "Of course."
      Frenchman: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to the states."
      The American then asks: "Do you have sex in France?"
      Frenchman: "Why of course we do", he says with a big smirk.
      American: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
      Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course."
      American: "We don't. In America, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to France."

      >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

      Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.
      ---------------------------------------------------------------------
      A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
      ---------------------------------------------------------------------
      A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."
      _--------------------------------------------------------------------
      A dyslexic man walks into a bra...
      ---------------------------------------------------------------------
      A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says "A beer please, and one for the road."
      ---------------------------------------------------------------------
      Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was great.
      ---------------------------------------------------------------------
      Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
      Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
      "I don't believe you," said Dolly.
      "It's true, no bull!"
      ---------------------------------------------------------------------
      Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
      ---------------------------------------------------------------------
      A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
      "Well" says the vet "let's have a look at him."
      So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, checks his teeth, etc. Finally he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Just because he's cross-eyed???"
      "No, because he's really, really heavy."
      -----------------------------------------------------
      I went to a seafood disco rave last week....and pulled a mussel.
      ---------------------------------------------------------------------
      Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank. This proves once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
      ---------------------------------------------------------------------
      Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other "I'll man the cannon, you drive."
      ---------------------------------------------------------------------
      What do you call a fish with no eye? A fsh.
      ---------------------------------------------------------------------
      Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".

      >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Too Pushy
      A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning," said the young man. "If _I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.”
      "Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."
      And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
      ”If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
      The old lady stepped back, smiled and said, "Well I hope you've got a damn good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning.”

      >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

      A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.
      "I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there."
      A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.
      "Ah, yes, that's what I'll have -- meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
      ”Unbelievable”, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife. He tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
      Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.

      "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
      "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That
      smells great. I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."
      Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves.
      He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man."
      Mary complies and hands her husband the fork. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
      "Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you." The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says,
      "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here..."

      >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

      WISDOM FROM GRANDPA
      *Whether a man winds up with the nest egg or a goose egg depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.




      Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earning his salt that he forgets his sugar.


      Too many couples marry for better or for worse, but not for good.




      When a man marries a woman, they become one, but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.




      If a man has enough "horse sense" to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never be an old nag.




      Judging from the specimens they pick for husbands, it's no wonder that brides often blush.




      On anniversaries the wise husband always forgets the past... but never the present.




      A foolish husband remarks to his wife: "Honey, you stick to the washin', ironin', cookin', and scrubbin'._ No wife of mine is gonna work.”

      The bonds of matrimony are a good investment only when the interest is kept up.

      Many girls like to marry a military man -- he can cook, sew, make bed, and is in good health... and he's already used to taking orders.

      Grandpa and Granny were discussing their 50th wedding anniversary when she said, "Shall I kill a chicken tonight?" "No,"_ said Grandpa, "Why blame a bird for something' that happened 50 years ago?"

      >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

      Shock and Awe
      A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor._ He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."
      That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife. At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting._ As the two began, they found themselves in the 69 position._ The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol.

      The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?"
      The man answered, "Not that well...when I fired the pistol, my wife peed in my face, bit 3 inches off my penis and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air.”

      Comment


      • Re: Random, Scattered Disturbed Thoughts

        Notice to people who visit my home:
        1. The dog lives here. You don't.
        2. If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
        3. Yes, he has some disgusting habits. So do I and so do you. What's your point?
        4. OF COURSE he smells like a dog.
        5. It's his nature to try to sniff your crotch. Please feel free to sniff his.
        6. I like him a lot better than I like most people.
        7. To you he's a dog. To me he's an adopted son who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. I have no problem with any of these things.
        8. Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about whether they have the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant you can sell the pups.
        9. The same rules apply for the cats, except they will ignore you...until you're asleep.

        >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

        A brunette, redhead, and a blonde went to a fitness spa for some fun and relaxation.
        After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies room and found a strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance who said, "Welcome to the ladies room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something
        truthful, you will be awarded with a wish. But, be warned, for if you say something false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!"

        The three women quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, the brunette said, "I think I'm the most beautiful of us three," and in an instant she was surrounded by a pile of money.
        The redhead stepped up and said, "I think I'm the most talented of us three," and she suddenly found the keys to a brand new Lexus in her hands.
        Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, the blonde looked into the mirror and said, "I think..." and was promptly sucked into the mirror.

        >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

        Life Science Final Exam
        The not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: "Give four advantages of breast milk." What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:

        1. No need to boil.
        2. Cats can't steal it.
        3. Available whenever necessary.

        So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a four-part answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. But suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer:




        4. Available in attractive containers.

        >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

        An eighteen-year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know! The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

        Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them: "Good morning. Your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge...If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account...If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage.................”

        At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him: "You'll make her pregnant again!"

        Comment


        • Re: Random, Scattered Disturbed Thoughts

          So a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walk into a bar, and sit down to have a few drinks.

          The brunette says, "I found a pack of cigarettes in my daughter's room the other day, and I didn't know she smoked!"

          To which the redhead replied, "That's nothing, I found a half bottle of whiskey in my daughter's room and I didn't know she drank!"

          Then the blonde finally spoke, "That's nothing! I found a half pack of condoms in my daughter's room and I didn't know she had a dick."

          Comment


          • Re: Random, Scattered Disturbed Thoughts

            A man and a blonde woman meet each other in a donation ward.
            The man says: "What are you here to donate?"
            The woman replied: "I'm donating blood... they're going to give me $5 for it. What about you?"
            The man said: "I'm donating sperm.. they said they'll give me $25 for it"

            They talked some more, then after their respective donations, they went their seperate ways.

            A few weeks later they both meet up AGAIN in the same donation ward...
            The man says: "Here to donate blood again?"
            The woman, with her mouth firmly shut, murmured: "Nuuhh...uhhh"

            Comment


            • Re: Random, Scattered Disturbed Thoughts

              ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

              Smart man + smart woman = romance
              Smart man + dumb woman = affair
              Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
              Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy


              OFFICE ARITHMETIC

              Smart boss + smart employee = profit
              Smart boss + dumb employee = production
              Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
              Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime


              SHOPPING MATH

              A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
              A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.


              GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

              A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
              A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
              A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


              HAPPINESS

              To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

              LONGEVITY

              Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.


              PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

              A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.


              DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

              A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


              HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:

              Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

              Comment


              • Re: Random, Scattered Disturbed Thoughts

                A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day.
                >carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the
                >President of
                >The bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" After
                >much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered
                >Her into the president's office (the customer is always right!) The bank
                >President then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She
                >replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.
                >The president was of course curious as to how she came by all
                >This cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so
                >much
                >Cash around. "Where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I
                >make bets." The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The
                >old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls
                >are square." "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can
                >never win that kind of bet!"
                >
                >The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure,"
                >said the president, I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are
                >Not square!" The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a
                >lot
                >Of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM as
                >
                >A witness?" "Sure!" replied the confident president.
                >
                >That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and
                >Spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from
                >side
                >To side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was
                >sure there was Absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would
                >win the bet. The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old
                >lady appeared With her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced
                >the lawyer
                >To the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's
                >Balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old
                >lady asked
                >Him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president did.
                >
                >The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she
                >could feel
                >them. "Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money,
                >so I guess you should be absolutely sure."
                >
                >Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his
                >Head against the wall. The President asked the old lady, "What the
                >hell's the Matter with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I
                >bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 AM today, I'd have The Bank of Canada's
                >President's balls in my hand."

                Comment


                • Re: Random, Scattered Disturbed Thoughts

                  Today's Word of the day....And yes this is a real word. I got it a while back in my "word of the day" email.

                  dasypygal (da-si-PYE-gul) adjective

                  Having hairy buttocks.

                  [From Greek dasy- (hairy, dense) + pyge (buttocks).]

                  A related word is dasymeter, an instrument for measuring the..., no, not that,
                  rather the density of gases. Another related word is callipygian, having a
                  beautiful behind.

                  Comment


                  • Re: Random, Scattered Disturbed Thoughts

                    Different Ways To Say You're Stupid

                    o A few clowns short of a circus
                    o A few fries short of a happy meal
                    o An experiment in Artificial Stupidity
                    o A few beers short of a six-pack
                    o Dumber than a box of hair
                    o A few peas short of a casserole
                    o Doesn’t have all their cornflakes in one box
                    o The wheel’s spinning, but the hamster is dead
                    o One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl
                    o One taco short of a combination plate
                    o A few feathers short of a whole duck
                    o All foam, no beer
                    o The cheese slid off her cracker
                    o Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel
                    o Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel
                    o He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down
                    o An intellect rivaled only by garden tools
                    o As smart as bait
                    o Chimney’s clogged
                    o Doesn’t have all his dogs on one leash
                    o Doesn’t know much, but leads the league in nostril hair
                    o Elevator doesn’t go to the top floor
                    o Forgot to pay her brain bill
                    o Her sewing machine’s out of thread
                    o His antenna doesn’t pick up all the channels
                    o His belt doesn’t go through all the loops
                    o If she had another brain, it would be lonely
                    o Missing a few buttons on his remote control
                    o No grain in the silo
                    o Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse
                    o Receiver is off the hook
                    o Several nuts sort of a full pouch
                    o Skylight leaks a little
                    o Slinky’s kinked
                    o Surfing in Nebraska
                    o Too much yardage between the goal posts
                    o No the sharpest knife in the drawer
                    o The lights are on, but nobody’s home
                    o 24 cents short of a quarter
                    o if brains were **** there would be no flies on him
                    o he should not be allowed to breed
                    o ameoba have come a long way, shame you didn't keep up
                    o Sharp as a Bowling Ball
                    o The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train is nowhere in sight
                    o Stuck on a Tuesday looking both ways for a weekend
                    o If he had two head, he'd be twice as stupid
                    o If brains were explosives he'd not have enough blow into a tissue
                    o I can't believe he beat out 10,000 other sperm
                    o Somewhere, a village is missing an idiot

                    Comment


                    • Re: Random, Scattered Disturbed Thoughts

                      Want to Know Everything?

                      A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

                      A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

                      A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.

                      A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

                      A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

                      A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

                      A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

                      A snail can sleep for three years.

                      Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

                      All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln memorial on the back of the $5 bill.

                      Almonds are a member of the peach family.

                      An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

                      Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

                      Butterflies taste with their feet.

                      Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.

                      "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

                      February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

                      In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

                      If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

                      If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.

                      It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

                      Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

                      Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

                      No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

                      On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.

                      Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

                      Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

                      Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

                      "Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand; lollipop" with your right.

                      The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

                      The Bible does not say there were three wise men; it only says there were three gifts.

                      The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

                      The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

                      The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.

                      The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

                      The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).

                      There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

                      There are more chickens than people in the world.

                      There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

                      There are two words in the English language that haveall five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."

                      There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.

                      Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

                      TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

                      Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

                      Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

                      Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.

                      Comment


                      • Re: Random, Scattered Disturbed Thoughts

                        Occasionally, airline flight attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

                        "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 6 ways out of this airplane..."

                        "Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."

                        "We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane."

                        "Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."

                        Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."

                        And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

                        As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to cross in front of us, some of the passengers were beginning to retrieve luggage from the overhead bins.

                        The head attendant announced on the intercom, "This aircraft is equipped with a video surveillance system that monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any passengers not remaining in their seats until the aircraft comes to a full and complete stop at the gate will be strip-searched as they leave the aircraft."

                        Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot said, "We've reached our cruising altitude now, and I'm turning off the seat belt sign. I'm switching to autopilot, too, so I can come back there and visit with all of you for the rest of the flight."

                        As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella...WHOA..!"

                        "Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting like children."

                        "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

                        "Last one off the plane must clean it."

                        And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!"

                        Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault.....it was the asphalt!"

                        An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, give a smile, and a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot, "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"

                        Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts
                        fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

                        Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

                        After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

                        From a Southwest Airlines employee....

                        "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX, to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more."

                        Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

                        Comment


                        • Re: Random, Scattered Disturbed Thoughts

                          I'll take a break from there, but I have MANY MANY more from these old forums that were recently cataloged when they closed down due to inactivity. Hope you enjoy.....

                          Comment


                          • Re: Random, Scattered Disturbed Thoughts

                            Something just for btown.....


                            $9.50
                            Handz Off Anti-Masturbatory Cream

                            http://www.citydweller.net

                            Instant relief lasting up to 6 hours. Helps you beat nature's urges around the clock.

                            Comment


                            • Re: Random, Scattered Disturbed Thoughts

                              You shouldn't get me started. My joke folder has 1530 files. Oh well.

                              A blonde goes into a world wide message center to send a message to her
                              mother in Poland. The man tells her it will be $300. She exclaims, "I don't have any
                              money, but I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!!!"

                              To that the man asks, "Anything??"

                              And the blonde says, "Yes, anything!!"

                              With that, the man says, "Follow me."

                              He walks into the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door." She does.

                              He then says, "Get on your knees."

                              She does.

                              He then says, "Take down my zipper."

                              She does. He then says, "Go ahead, take it out."

                              With that she takes it out and takes hold of it with both hands.

                              The man then says, "Well, go ahead!"

                              She brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips,
                              she says, "Hello...Mom?"
                              The poster formerly known as Rimfire

                              Comment


                              • Re: Random, Scattered Disturbed Thoughts

                                What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brown?

                                Artificial Intelligence.


                                What does a blond say when you blow in her ear?

                                Thanks for the refill.


                                Why do blondes always have at least one brunette with them?

                                To interpret!


                                A blonde is stopped by a police officer for speeding. He makes her get out of
                                the car and then drops his pants. The blonde replies "Oh, no...not another
                                breathalyzer test!"


                                What is the definition of eternity?

                                Blondes driving all four cars paused at a four-way stop.


                                What do you call a blonde skeleton in a closet?

                                Last year's hide-and-seek winner!
                                The poster formerly known as Rimfire

                                Comment

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