Monday morning 3/24/08 in Donnie Walsh's office
Donnie Walsh: come in Larry
Larry Bird: You wanted to see me, boss?
DW: Yes Larry, have a seat.
LB: Please please don't fire me Donnie... those New York writers ain't right, is they?
DW: Relax, Larry, you're not fired.
LB: I ain't fired! Yippee!
Am I winning the pool in the NCAAs?
DW: No Larry, you're in last place. Behind the secretaries, and their kids. Even the babies...to the point...
I do have some news. Big news.
There's gonna be some changes.
LB: OK... big news, changes...
Who got busted... drugs? strippers? booze?
Somebody punched boozed up drugged strippers, with missing fingers?
LW: No, Larry... nothing like that, in fact, nothing to do with Tinsley at all.
Remember though how we have divided up duties the past few years, like the NBA draft?
LB: Yeah, you make the picks, I buy the pizza.
Did I screw up?
Sorry...I won't buy the danged pineapple pizza next time, I promise!
DW: It's not the pizza, Larry, you are the guy making the draft picks from now on.
LB: I ain't no good at that... I'm better at buying pizza.
DW: You'll learn, Larry, to evaluate talent.
LB: Yeah, like I found that great point guard, Sarunas whatever-a-vic-sis
DW: No, that's his name... oh well...whatever...
Larry, I'm leaving the franchise and you are in charge.
LB: I'll get way better pizza next time, I promise, and breadsticks too. Even if I don't got no coupon.
DW: It's not the pizza., Larry. Forget the pizza. You did great with that.
I'm just tired of this other stuff, all these nutjob players, overpaid, lazy...
LB: How am I gonna fix all that?
DW: You'll have to rebuild, draft well, make some deals.
LB: Deals? Deals? But you do all that!
DW: You just pick up the phone, Larry. You can have my phone.
#1 on speed dial is Peter Vecsey, he's handy for rumor-planting
#2 is Indy Star, in case you need fluff pieces,
#3 is Isiah, for you to dump huge contracts (better hurry to use that one),
#4 is the team bail bondsman,
#5 is REALLY good pizza,
#6 is for ordering cigarettes by the case,
#7 is this guy named Uncle Buck who always has good ideas,
#8 is Herr Stern,
#9 the drug rehab center.
The other numbers are some of my favorite GMs, and I have all their numbers written down too.
LB: Wow, I can have your phone! Golly... it's got a buncha buttons, and lotsa lights.
DW: I'm leaving, Larry. You can have my whole office.
LB: Wow.. (looks around)... You got winders. I like winders to see out... cool. And your chair... looks comfy, but maybe a little smoky.
DW: It's all yours, Larry. The office, but most importantly, the job. You can do this. Bring the Pacers back to greatness.
LB: I'll call McHale and see how he done it in Minnesota.
DW: Larry, Minnesota isn't really any good, actually, no good at all. They suck and McHale is clueless.
LB: OK, I'll call and ask Ainge then. They're good.
DW: Well, in Boston they have lots of superstars that they acquired with young talent. We are miles away from there.
LB: I ain't gonna ever figger this all out myself, can you help me?
DW: I'm leaving, Larry, so... no.
LB: I'll order you pizza every week!
LB: Any leftover exess strippers from Tinsley's parties... or the funny smelling stuff that Tinsley and Harrison leave stashed in their lockers, and Parrish back in the day...
LB: smokes... I'll get you lucky strikes!
DW: by the case?
LB: sure, one case a week... then I can call you... when?
DW: A case a week gets you a call a week, for 5 minutes.
LB: Can I call on draft night, while we're on the clock?
DW: Sure Larry.
LB: Me and you was a good team, huh... like when you got us Danny Granger and I got us deep dish pepperoni... with a coupon!
DW: Good times they were, Larry. Mighty good times.
This afternoon we have to face the press.
LB: OK, I can do it. Don't forget our deal. Where do I send the Lucky Strikes... where you gonna be at?
DW: Isiah's old office at Madison Square Garden.
LB: Wow. New York City... (whistles...)...
You must got even more big ole winders in your new office, right?
DW: Yes, lots of windows, lots of lights on the phones, comfy chairs, and even more nutjob players, overpaid, lazy head cases, but I get lots of cash.
LB: Wow, you gonna run the Knicks... cool. Maybe we can make some deals!
DW: (Chuckles) sure Larry, sure. Call me! I'll take over #3 on speed dial. If I know you... you will drive a hard bargain, hey, hey...
LB: Well, good luck to you Donnie.
DW: You too, Larry, good luck... (under his breath..."You're gonna need it")