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Rule #1

Pacers Digest is intended to be a place to discuss basketball without having to deal with the kinds of behaviors or attitudes that distract people from sticking with the discussion of the topics at hand. These unwanted distractions can come in many forms, and admittedly it can sometimes be tricky to pin down each and every kind that can rear its ugly head, but we feel that the following examples and explanations cover at least a good portion of that ground and should at least give people a pretty good idea of the kinds of things we actively discourage:

"Anyone who __________ is a liar / a fool / an idiot / a blind homer / has their head buried in the sand / a blind hater / doesn't know basketball / doesn't watch the games"

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"Remember when PosterX said OldCommentY that no longer looks good? "

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Now, does the above cover absolutely every single kind of distraction that is unwanted? Probably not, but you should by now have a good idea of the general types of things we will be discouraging. The above examples are meant to give you a good feel for / idea of what we're looking for. If something new or different than the above happens to come along and results in the same problem (that being, any other attitude or behavior that ultimately distracts from actually just discussing the topic at hand, or that is otherwise disrespectful to other posters), we can and we will take action to curb this as well, so please don't take this to mean that if you managed to technically avoid saying something exactly like one of the above examples that you are then somehow off the hook.

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If this is done the wrong way, those comments will be deleted, and if it's a repeating problem then it may also receive an infraction as well.

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Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating...

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  • Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating...

    Ok,I know I have brought this up before but I just had to mention this.
    I recently broke up with my fiancee (she was african-american,I am white).

    Well I just recently started dating again,And ive been going out with a white woman.And I have to say the way we get treated is about 110% better than how my ex-fiancee and myself got treated.

    For one in the 5+ times we have went out to eat we have never once been asked "will this be seperate checks?".As opposed to when I went out with my ex we would be asked that 99% of the time.

    Two-People will strike up conversation with us,say if we are waiting in line at a store,or resturant.People would just stare at my ex and myself.

    Ive just noticed these few things,it just makes me mad because everyone wants to so bad bury their heads in the sand and say "oh racism isnt around anymore...."

    Maybe they are using racial slurs,but I have now seen both ends of the spectrum.It makes me sick that people act a certain way,but I dont get mad at them because I honestly dont think they know that they act that way.
    LoneGranger33 said
    Agreed. As the members of Guns and Roses once said, "every rose has its thorn".

  • #2
    Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

    I feel ya, Brian. An old friend of mine (20+ years) recently brought up a quote that I said back when we were in college.

    "There isn't a day that goes by that somebody doesn't remind me that I'm black."

    He said that always stuck with him that I said that. Yeah, stuff isn't overt now. It's just little, subtle stuff like you mentioned that just kinda wears on you. For someone who hasn't experienced it, they just don't see it being a big deal, but it is. It gets old. People seem to only care about stuff when it affects them directly.

    My wife is white, while I am, obviously, black. She even didn't used to notice stuff till I pointed it out to her. One time we were walking into a restaurant and and an older white couple was walking in ahead of us. I saw him sneak a glance behind him, get a look of disgust on his face, then let the door close behind him rather than take a second and hold it for us, since we were just a few steps behind him.

    It's just little stuff. Little, chinese water torture, nickle and dime, stuff that over time serves to make you a little bit defensive.

    I've always said that I can't wait to get out of Indiana and people don't quite grasp why who haven't been in an interracial situation. Believe me, I know what you're talking about. Funny world, huh?
    Hey! What're you kicking me for? You want me to ask? All right, I'll ask! Ma'am, where do the high school girls hang out in this town?

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

      Anyone who says racism is gone is either delusional or haven't experienced it firsthand.

      I'm from Sweden originally and my dad is white where as my mom is half-black. I was always a bit darker than the average swede so growing up I heard all the words/slurs that you can imagine. I've butted heads with more skinheads than I can count.

      Then I move to the US and here people will laugh at me if I claim to be anything other than caucasian. And I generally get treated much nicer in equivalent situations here say in restaurants and what not.

      I'm sorry to hear what you're going through Brian.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

        efx, That's really interesting about the state of things in Sweden. My sense is that many countries haven't had race problems just because there isn't much racial diversity. I think it will be a bigger and bigger issue in a lot of places soon enough. My wife is Chinese, and when we go there, many people, particularly away from the coast, just stare at me with open mouths. But usually instead of rude they are INCREDIBLY nice and hospitable, even trying to give up food and gifts. My wife has had some bad experiences here, but in general we are treated respectfully.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

          It was really noticeable in Scandinavia during the 90's when I was in my teens. Huge unemployment soared and together with the country accepting a lot of immigrants from the Yugoslavian or former Yugoslavian crisis it became a tense situation.

          But it's something we'll have to learn to deal with because Europe and the world is becoming much more diverse by the minute and like it or not us Swedes have reaped definite benefits from immigration.

          That's not to say I agree with how a lot of immigration is being handled in Sweden or the US but that's for another topic.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

            My wife is black, and I am white, I have dated every color under the sun, I have never experienced any trouble, and I never noticed a difference when I dated white women vs. any other color. My wife and I have experienced the "seperate checks" thing a couple of times even from a black waiter once, but I never took it personally. Incidently I have had the seperate check thing when I was with a white woman before to, so I think that maybe just be a waiter thing, at some places it is a big deal for them to split the check sometimes. I think interracial relationships, are becoming more common, but they are still less mainstream than traditional same race relationships. We have some good friends that are mixed opposite of us (he is black, she is white) and when we all go out, our servers usually assume that I am with his wife and he with mine, but I don't think it's out of racisim as much as reacting to what you have been conditioned to expect.

            I applaud anyone who can look past color, and enjoy the person inside, it was the best decision I ever made, and I really enjoy the diversity, and cultural exposure, that comes with being involved with someone of a different race. My wife and I have a lot of fun with it. Not to say racisim dosn't still exist, there will certainly always be bigots and racists as long as there are more than one race of people. I only hope it continues to improve. I think when you compare whats accepted now compared to 50 years ago, I think you can see true progress. Just my opinion for what it's worth....
            "I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand a post."

            --Jack Nicholson as Colonel Nathan Jessup in A Few Good Men

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

              Originally posted by MarionDeputy View Post
              My wife is black, and I am white, I have dated every color under the sun, I have never experienced any trouble, and I never noticed a difference when I dated white women vs. any other color. My wife and I have experienced the "seperate checks" thing a couple of times even from a black waiter once, but I never took it personally. Incidently I have had the seperate check thing when I was with a white woman before to, so I think that maybe just be a waiter thing, at some places it is a big deal for them to split the check sometimes. I think interracial relationships, are becoming more common, but they are still less mainstream than traditional same race relationships. We have some good friends that are mixed opposite of us (he is black, she is white) and when we all go out, our servers usually assume that I am with his wife and he with mine, but I don't think it's out of racisim as much as reacting to what you have been conditioned to expect.

              I applaud anyone who can look past color, and enjoy the person inside, it was the best decision I ever made, and I really enjoy the diversity, and cultural exposure, that comes with being involved with someone of a different race. My wife and I have a lot of fun with it. Not to say racisim dosn't still exist, there will certainly always be bigots and racists as long as there are more than one race of people. I only hope it continues to improve. I think when you compare whats accepted now compared to 50 years ago, I think you can see true progress. Just my opinion for what it's worth....
              Wonderful post. Wonderful attitude. My compliments.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

                Originally posted by MarionDeputy View Post
                My wife is black, and I am white, I have dated every color under the sun, I have never experienced any trouble, and I never noticed a difference when I dated white women vs. any other color. My wife and I have experienced the "seperate checks" thing a couple of times even from a black waiter once, but I never took it personally. Incidently I have had the seperate check thing when I was with a white woman before to, so I think that maybe just be a waiter thing, at some places it is a big deal for them to split the check sometimes. I think interracial relationships, are becoming more common, but they are still less mainstream than traditional same race relationships. We have some good friends that are mixed opposite of us (he is black, she is white) and when we all go out, our servers usually assume that I am with his wife and he with mine, but I don't think it's out of racisim as much as reacting to what you have been conditioned to expect.

                I applaud anyone who can look past color, and enjoy the person inside, it was the best decision I ever made, and I really enjoy the diversity, and cultural exposure, that comes with being involved with someone of a different race. My wife and I have a lot of fun with it. Not to say racisim dosn't still exist, there will certainly always be bigots and racists as long as there are more than one race of people. I only hope it continues to improve. I think when you compare whats accepted now compared to 50 years ago, I think you can see true progress. Just my opinion for what it's worth....

                I think this is a good point. While we shouldn't pretend it's gone we are doing better and these times are not like the 50's. Let's keep it going

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

                  One of my former girlfriends was Carribbean, but I never noticed any discrimination, really. She also told me she also never noticed, except for one colleague at work.

                  It's not really an issue with dark coloured people here, but it is certainly becoming an issue with people from Morroccan descent.

                  Regards,

                  Mourning
                  2012 PD ABA Fantasy Keeper League Champion, sports.ws

                  2011 PD ABA Fantasy Keeper League Champion, sports.ws

                  2006 PD ABA Fantasy League runner up, sports.ws

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

                    Originally posted by Mourning View Post

                    It's not really an issue with dark coloured people here
                    I don't believe that for a minute. I've known too many Dutch people, and they had the same stiff hierarchical, colonial attitude as other Europeans. Mourning, I don't know you except by your posts here on PD, and I've always found you to be gracious here. So please do not be personally affronted.

                    We Hoosiers need to double our effort to end irrational prejudice of all kinds. But Indiana is no worse than elsewhere. The only reason we should care especially about bigotry in Indiana is this is where we live and where we can affect the necessary change.

                    If a man and woman treat each other with true love and compassion and courtesy, then they are a good couple.
                    And I won't be here to see the day
                    It all dries up and blows away
                    I'd hang around just to see
                    But they never had much use for me
                    In Levelland. (James McMurtry)

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

                      Originally posted by Putnam View Post
                      I don't believe that for a minute. I've known too many Dutch people, and they had the same stiff hierarchical, colonial attitude as other Europeans. Mourning, I don't know you except by your posts here on PD, and I've always found you to be gracious here. So please do not be personally affronted.

                      We Hoosiers need to double our effort to end irrational prejudice of all kinds. But Indiana is no worse than elsewhere. The only reason we should care especially about bigotry in Indiana is this is where we live and where we can affect the necessary change.

                      If a man and woman treat each other with true love and compassion and courtesy, then they are a good couple.
                      Hey, no offence taken, really . Also I'm not trying to put this in the face of the fine people of Indiana. I have never been there myself, so how could I? I admit to reading mixed things about this, but I am not in the position to judge.

                      Anyway, offcourse, there are some issues. But, like I wrote these are mainly with people from Morroccan descent. There are also problems with people from Curacao (but, not really from any of the other Dutch Antilles) and there used to be problems with Somalies too, but haven't heard much of that the last few years.

                      So, I'm not saying that there are no problems or that there is no rascism here, but I DO dare say that it is a lot less of a problem compared with a lot of other European countries. The sad thing is that rascism did get a boost after september 11nd 2001. Which is still wrong, but not completely ununderstandable.

                      Also, part of my family is of Surinam descent, while I am as white as they come , never had any problems with them anything to do with colour.

                      Also there is serious attention to the problem. For example employers refusing to invite people with an Morroccan name was a big issue during the recent election campaign, and rightfully so.

                      With regards to stiff hierarchical attitudes ... I don't know which Dutch people you met, offcourse, but you are bound to have those people everywhere. Mainly, some of our elderly people or people who migrated before the 1960's I guess could very well be like that, but by all accounts ... my country is known as one of the most liberal countries in the world and in general this country has been pretty much allergic to a hierarchy like in the UK.

                      Regards,

                      Mourning
                      2012 PD ABA Fantasy Keeper League Champion, sports.ws

                      2011 PD ABA Fantasy Keeper League Champion, sports.ws

                      2006 PD ABA Fantasy League runner up, sports.ws

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

                        Originally posted by Putnam View Post
                        I don't believe that for a minute. I've known too many Dutch people, and they had the same stiff hierarchical, colonial attitude as other Europeans.
                        While I agree that it can be the case I think overall it's no better/worse than what I've seen in the US.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

                          Amazing.

                          You aren't going to believe the timing on this.

                          Two incidents. Last night.

                          The first incident involved me. I was at a Christmas party that was at someone's home. Long story short, I was unfortunate enough to overhear a white guy refering to a black public official as "boy". I know some may think his usage was up to interpretation, but trust me, when you've heard various racial slurs used towards you your whole life, there's no chance of misinterpretation. What's sad is that this was a party at a very wealthy person's home and there were some real movers and shakers there.

                          Second incident involves a friend of mine whom I was with later in the evening. We parted ways late evening and he went to Broad Ripple. He was walking out of a bar and a couple of white guys called him the N word. He admits, against his better judgement, he threw a punch at the guy and the white guy did the same. That was the extent of the incident due to people breaking things up.

                          Man, I wish a lot of white folks could walk in a black person's shoes for a week. Then I think you'd see some things change.
                          Hey! What're you kicking me for? You want me to ask? All right, I'll ask! Ma'am, where do the high school girls hang out in this town?

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

                            Mourning and efx, thanks for taking my comment graciously. I certainly didn't want to cast aspersions on the Dutch more than other Europeans nations. I have had some nasty experiences with Dutch people, but it is also true that one of the finest men I've ever known was a Dutch guy named Werner.

                            I only made the comment to remind my fellow Hoosiers that "getting out of Indiana" is not going to solve any of your problems.

                            Brian and Skaut, keep strong.
                            And I won't be here to see the day
                            It all dries up and blows away
                            I'd hang around just to see
                            But they never had much use for me
                            In Levelland. (James McMurtry)

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

                              Originally posted by Skaut_Ech View Post
                              Amazing.

                              You aren't going to believe the timing on this.

                              Two incidents. Last night.

                              The first incident involved me. I was at a Christmas party that was at someone's home. Long story short, I was unfortunate enough to overhear a white guy refering to a black public official as "boy". I know some may think his usage was up to interpretation, but trust me, when you've heard various racial slurs used towards you your whole life, there's no chance of misinterpretation. What's sad is that this was a party at a very wealthy person's home and there were some real movers and shakers there.

                              Second incident involves a friend of mine whom I was with later in the evening. We parted ways late evening and he went to Broad Ripple. He was walking out of a bar and a couple of white guys called him the N word. He admits, against his better judgement, he threw a punch at the guy and the white guy did the same. That was the extent of the incident due to people breaking things up.

                              Man, I wish a lot of white folks could walk in a black person's shoes for a week. Then I think you'd see some things change.
                              I've been thinking long and hard about your post and one thing is very clear - you should have cancelled whatever plans you had and come to the forum party.

                              Comment

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