Results 1 to 18 of 18

Thread: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating...

  1. #1
    Member Brian's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Age
    31
    Posts
    1,038

    Default Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating...

    Ok,I know I have brought this up before but I just had to mention this.
    I recently broke up with my fiancee (she was african-american,I am white).

    Well I just recently started dating again,And ive been going out with a white woman.And I have to say the way we get treated is about 110% better than how my ex-fiancee and myself got treated.

    For one in the 5+ times we have went out to eat we have never once been asked "will this be seperate checks?".As opposed to when I went out with my ex we would be asked that 99% of the time.

    Two-People will strike up conversation with us,say if we are waiting in line at a store,or resturant.People would just stare at my ex and myself.

    Ive just noticed these few things,it just makes me mad because everyone wants to so bad bury their heads in the sand and say "oh racism isnt around anymore...."

    Maybe they are using racial slurs,but I have now seen both ends of the spectrum.It makes me sick that people act a certain way,but I dont get mad at them because I honestly dont think they know that they act that way.
    LoneGranger33 said
    Agreed. As the members of Guns and Roses once said, "every rose has its thorn".

  2. #2
    Well lubricated Skaut_Ech's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    2,389

    Default Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

    I feel ya, Brian. An old friend of mine (20+ years) recently brought up a quote that I said back when we were in college.

    "There isn't a day that goes by that somebody doesn't remind me that I'm black."

    He said that always stuck with him that I said that. Yeah, stuff isn't overt now. It's just little, subtle stuff like you mentioned that just kinda wears on you. For someone who hasn't experienced it, they just don't see it being a big deal, but it is. It gets old. People seem to only care about stuff when it affects them directly.

    My wife is white, while I am, obviously, black. She even didn't used to notice stuff till I pointed it out to her. One time we were walking into a restaurant and and an older white couple was walking in ahead of us. I saw him sneak a glance behind him, get a look of disgust on his face, then let the door close behind him rather than take a second and hold it for us, since we were just a few steps behind him.

    It's just little stuff. Little, chinese water torture, nickle and dime, stuff that over time serves to make you a little bit defensive.

    I've always said that I can't wait to get out of Indiana and people don't quite grasp why who haven't been in an interracial situation. Believe me, I know what you're talking about. Funny world, huh?
    Hey! What're you kicking me for? You want me to ask? All right, I'll ask! Ma'am, where do the high school girls hang out in this town?

  3. #3
    Member efx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Stockholm, Sweden
    Age
    36
    Posts
    1,657

    Default Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

    Anyone who says racism is gone is either delusional or haven't experienced it firsthand.

    I'm from Sweden originally and my dad is white where as my mom is half-black. I was always a bit darker than the average swede so growing up I heard all the words/slurs that you can imagine. I've butted heads with more skinheads than I can count.

    Then I move to the US and here people will laugh at me if I claim to be anything other than caucasian. And I generally get treated much nicer in equivalent situations here say in restaurants and what not.

    I'm sorry to hear what you're going through Brian.

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    1,259

    Default Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

    efx, That's really interesting about the state of things in Sweden. My sense is that many countries haven't had race problems just because there isn't much racial diversity. I think it will be a bigger and bigger issue in a lot of places soon enough. My wife is Chinese, and when we go there, many people, particularly away from the coast, just stare at me with open mouths. But usually instead of rude they are INCREDIBLY nice and hospitable, even trying to give up food and gifts. My wife has had some bad experiences here, but in general we are treated respectfully.

  5. #5
    Member efx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Stockholm, Sweden
    Age
    36
    Posts
    1,657

    Default Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

    It was really noticeable in Scandinavia during the 90's when I was in my teens. Huge unemployment soared and together with the country accepting a lot of immigrants from the Yugoslavian or former Yugoslavian crisis it became a tense situation.

    But it's something we'll have to learn to deal with because Europe and the world is becoming much more diverse by the minute and like it or not us Swedes have reaped definite benefits from immigration.

    That's not to say I agree with how a lot of immigration is being handled in Sweden or the US but that's for another topic.

  6. #6
    IMPD Officer MarionDeputy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Age
    40
    Posts
    337

    Default Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

    My wife is black, and I am white, I have dated every color under the sun, I have never experienced any trouble, and I never noticed a difference when I dated white women vs. any other color. My wife and I have experienced the "seperate checks" thing a couple of times even from a black waiter once, but I never took it personally. Incidently I have had the seperate check thing when I was with a white woman before to, so I think that maybe just be a waiter thing, at some places it is a big deal for them to split the check sometimes. I think interracial relationships, are becoming more common, but they are still less mainstream than traditional same race relationships. We have some good friends that are mixed opposite of us (he is black, she is white) and when we all go out, our servers usually assume that I am with his wife and he with mine, but I don't think it's out of racisim as much as reacting to what you have been conditioned to expect.

    I applaud anyone who can look past color, and enjoy the person inside, it was the best decision I ever made, and I really enjoy the diversity, and cultural exposure, that comes with being involved with someone of a different race. My wife and I have a lot of fun with it. Not to say racisim dosn't still exist, there will certainly always be bigots and racists as long as there are more than one race of people. I only hope it continues to improve. I think when you compare whats accepted now compared to 50 years ago, I think you can see true progress. Just my opinion for what it's worth....
    "I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand a post."

    --Jack Nicholson as Colonel Nathan Jessup in A Few Good Men

  7. #7

    Default Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

    Quote Originally Posted by MarionDeputy View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    My wife is black, and I am white, I have dated every color under the sun, I have never experienced any trouble, and I never noticed a difference when I dated white women vs. any other color. My wife and I have experienced the "seperate checks" thing a couple of times even from a black waiter once, but I never took it personally. Incidently I have had the seperate check thing when I was with a white woman before to, so I think that maybe just be a waiter thing, at some places it is a big deal for them to split the check sometimes. I think interracial relationships, are becoming more common, but they are still less mainstream than traditional same race relationships. We have some good friends that are mixed opposite of us (he is black, she is white) and when we all go out, our servers usually assume that I am with his wife and he with mine, but I don't think it's out of racisim as much as reacting to what you have been conditioned to expect.

    I applaud anyone who can look past color, and enjoy the person inside, it was the best decision I ever made, and I really enjoy the diversity, and cultural exposure, that comes with being involved with someone of a different race. My wife and I have a lot of fun with it. Not to say racisim dosn't still exist, there will certainly always be bigots and racists as long as there are more than one race of people. I only hope it continues to improve. I think when you compare whats accepted now compared to 50 years ago, I think you can see true progress. Just my opinion for what it's worth....
    Wonderful post. Wonderful attitude. My compliments.

  8. #8
    Member efx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Stockholm, Sweden
    Age
    36
    Posts
    1,657

    Default Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

    Quote Originally Posted by MarionDeputy View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    My wife is black, and I am white, I have dated every color under the sun, I have never experienced any trouble, and I never noticed a difference when I dated white women vs. any other color. My wife and I have experienced the "seperate checks" thing a couple of times even from a black waiter once, but I never took it personally. Incidently I have had the seperate check thing when I was with a white woman before to, so I think that maybe just be a waiter thing, at some places it is a big deal for them to split the check sometimes. I think interracial relationships, are becoming more common, but they are still less mainstream than traditional same race relationships. We have some good friends that are mixed opposite of us (he is black, she is white) and when we all go out, our servers usually assume that I am with his wife and he with mine, but I don't think it's out of racisim as much as reacting to what you have been conditioned to expect.

    I applaud anyone who can look past color, and enjoy the person inside, it was the best decision I ever made, and I really enjoy the diversity, and cultural exposure, that comes with being involved with someone of a different race. My wife and I have a lot of fun with it. Not to say racisim dosn't still exist, there will certainly always be bigots and racists as long as there are more than one race of people. I only hope it continues to improve. I think when you compare whats accepted now compared to 50 years ago, I think you can see true progress. Just my opinion for what it's worth....

    I think this is a good point. While we shouldn't pretend it's gone we are doing better and these times are not like the 50's. Let's keep it going

  9. #9
    All is full of Orange! Mourning's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Bilthoven, The Netherlands
    Age
    38
    Posts
    8,965

    Default Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

    One of my former girlfriends was Carribbean, but I never noticed any discrimination, really. She also told me she also never noticed, except for one colleague at work.

    It's not really an issue with dark coloured people here, but it is certainly becoming an issue with people from Morroccan descent.

    Regards,

    Mourning
    2012 PD ABA Fantasy Keeper League Champion, sports.ws

    2011 PD ABA Fantasy Keeper League Champion, sports.ws

    2006 PD ABA Fantasy League runner up, sports.ws

  10. #10

    Default Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

    Quote Originally Posted by Mourning View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

    It's not really an issue with dark coloured people here
    I don't believe that for a minute. I've known too many Dutch people, and they had the same stiff hierarchical, colonial attitude as other Europeans. Mourning, I don't know you except by your posts here on PD, and I've always found you to be gracious here. So please do not be personally affronted.

    We Hoosiers need to double our effort to end irrational prejudice of all kinds. But Indiana is no worse than elsewhere. The only reason we should care especially about bigotry in Indiana is this is where we live and where we can affect the necessary change.

    If a man and woman treat each other with true love and compassion and courtesy, then they are a good couple.
    And I won't be here to see the day
    It all dries up and blows away
    I'd hang around just to see
    But they never had much use for me
    In Levelland. (James McMurtry)

  11. #11
    All is full of Orange! Mourning's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Bilthoven, The Netherlands
    Age
    38
    Posts
    8,965

    Default Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

    Quote Originally Posted by Putnam View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    I don't believe that for a minute. I've known too many Dutch people, and they had the same stiff hierarchical, colonial attitude as other Europeans. Mourning, I don't know you except by your posts here on PD, and I've always found you to be gracious here. So please do not be personally affronted.

    We Hoosiers need to double our effort to end irrational prejudice of all kinds. But Indiana is no worse than elsewhere. The only reason we should care especially about bigotry in Indiana is this is where we live and where we can affect the necessary change.

    If a man and woman treat each other with true love and compassion and courtesy, then they are a good couple.
    Hey, no offence taken, really . Also I'm not trying to put this in the face of the fine people of Indiana. I have never been there myself, so how could I? I admit to reading mixed things about this, but I am not in the position to judge.

    Anyway, offcourse, there are some issues. But, like I wrote these are mainly with people from Morroccan descent. There are also problems with people from Curacao (but, not really from any of the other Dutch Antilles) and there used to be problems with Somalies too, but haven't heard much of that the last few years.

    So, I'm not saying that there are no problems or that there is no rascism here, but I DO dare say that it is a lot less of a problem compared with a lot of other European countries. The sad thing is that rascism did get a boost after september 11nd 2001. Which is still wrong, but not completely ununderstandable.

    Also, part of my family is of Surinam descent, while I am as white as they come , never had any problems with them anything to do with colour.

    Also there is serious attention to the problem. For example employers refusing to invite people with an Morroccan name was a big issue during the recent election campaign, and rightfully so.

    With regards to stiff hierarchical attitudes ... I don't know which Dutch people you met, offcourse, but you are bound to have those people everywhere. Mainly, some of our elderly people or people who migrated before the 1960's I guess could very well be like that, but by all accounts ... my country is known as one of the most liberal countries in the world and in general this country has been pretty much allergic to a hierarchy like in the UK.

    Regards,

    Mourning
    2012 PD ABA Fantasy Keeper League Champion, sports.ws

    2011 PD ABA Fantasy Keeper League Champion, sports.ws

    2006 PD ABA Fantasy League runner up, sports.ws

  12. #12
    Member efx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Stockholm, Sweden
    Age
    36
    Posts
    1,657

    Default Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

    Quote Originally Posted by Putnam View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    I don't believe that for a minute. I've known too many Dutch people, and they had the same stiff hierarchical, colonial attitude as other Europeans.
    While I agree that it can be the case I think overall it's no better/worse than what I've seen in the US.

  13. #13
    Well lubricated Skaut_Ech's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    2,389

    Default Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

    Amazing.

    You aren't going to believe the timing on this.

    Two incidents. Last night.

    The first incident involved me. I was at a Christmas party that was at someone's home. Long story short, I was unfortunate enough to overhear a white guy refering to a black public official as "boy". I know some may think his usage was up to interpretation, but trust me, when you've heard various racial slurs used towards you your whole life, there's no chance of misinterpretation. What's sad is that this was a party at a very wealthy person's home and there were some real movers and shakers there.

    Second incident involves a friend of mine whom I was with later in the evening. We parted ways late evening and he went to Broad Ripple. He was walking out of a bar and a couple of white guys called him the N word. He admits, against his better judgement, he threw a punch at the guy and the white guy did the same. That was the extent of the incident due to people breaking things up.

    Man, I wish a lot of white folks could walk in a black person's shoes for a week. Then I think you'd see some things change.
    Hey! What're you kicking me for? You want me to ask? All right, I'll ask! Ma'am, where do the high school girls hang out in this town?

  14. #14

    Default Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

    Mourning and efx, thanks for taking my comment graciously. I certainly didn't want to cast aspersions on the Dutch more than other Europeans nations. I have had some nasty experiences with Dutch people, but it is also true that one of the finest men I've ever known was a Dutch guy named Werner.

    I only made the comment to remind my fellow Hoosiers that "getting out of Indiana" is not going to solve any of your problems.

    Brian and Skaut, keep strong.
    And I won't be here to see the day
    It all dries up and blows away
    I'd hang around just to see
    But they never had much use for me
    In Levelland. (James McMurtry)

  15. #15
    Administrator Unclebuck's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    32,711

    Default Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

    Quote Originally Posted by Skaut_Ech View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    Amazing.

    You aren't going to believe the timing on this.

    Two incidents. Last night.

    The first incident involved me. I was at a Christmas party that was at someone's home. Long story short, I was unfortunate enough to overhear a white guy refering to a black public official as "boy". I know some may think his usage was up to interpretation, but trust me, when you've heard various racial slurs used towards you your whole life, there's no chance of misinterpretation. What's sad is that this was a party at a very wealthy person's home and there were some real movers and shakers there.

    Second incident involves a friend of mine whom I was with later in the evening. We parted ways late evening and he went to Broad Ripple. He was walking out of a bar and a couple of white guys called him the N word. He admits, against his better judgement, he threw a punch at the guy and the white guy did the same. That was the extent of the incident due to people breaking things up.

    Man, I wish a lot of white folks could walk in a black person's shoes for a week. Then I think you'd see some things change.
    I've been thinking long and hard about your post and one thing is very clear - you should have cancelled whatever plans you had and come to the forum party.

  16. #16
    Member efx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Stockholm, Sweden
    Age
    36
    Posts
    1,657

    Default Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

    Quote Originally Posted by Putnam View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    Mourning and efx, thanks for taking my comment graciously. I certainly didn't want to cast aspersions on the Dutch more than other Europeans nations. I have had some nasty experiences with Dutch people, but it is also true that one of the finest men I've ever known was a Dutch guy named Werner.

    I only made the comment to remind my fellow Hoosiers that "getting out of Indiana" is not going to solve any of your problems.

    Brian and Skaut, keep strong.
    No worries, I didn't take your comment in the wrong way I think. It's all good

  17. #17
    All is full of Orange! Mourning's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Bilthoven, The Netherlands
    Age
    38
    Posts
    8,965

    Default Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

    Likewise here, Putnam. Sorry to hear some of my compatriots obviously didn't behave decently.

    Regards,

    Mourning
    2012 PD ABA Fantasy Keeper League Champion, sports.ws

    2011 PD ABA Fantasy Keeper League Champion, sports.ws

    2006 PD ABA Fantasy League runner up, sports.ws

  18. #18

    Default Re: Treatment you get going out with your own race,as opposed to interracial dating..

    Quote Originally Posted by Unclebuck View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    I've been thinking long and hard about your post and one thing is very clear - you should have cancelled whatever plans you had and come to the forum party.
    I've also been thinking some about Skaut's post...

    It actually saddens me greatly.

    Long story short, I was unfortunate enough to overhear a white guy refering to a black public official as "boy". I know some may think his usage was up to interpretation, but trust me, when you've heard various racial slurs used towards you your whole life, there's no chance of misinterpretation. What's sad is that this was a party at a very wealthy person's home and there were some real movers and shakers there.
    My guess is, Skaut, that the white guy you referred to treats many people, regardless of skin color, as "boy". Race is but one of his considerations. The man is simply an *******, a miserable human being, who manipulates and demeans others to justify his miserable life.

    As a white observer of the human race for a long time, I can honestly say I've tried to treat others fairly. Probably haven't always succeeded, but I've tried. There are millions more like me.

    My wife and I raised our children to be fair in their dealings with others - to judge people by the content of their character and not by the color of their skin. I live in a diverse neighborhood with as many black neighbors and mixed race neighbors as I do white. And I like it that way. I've learned much from my neighbors over 30 years.

    My wife and I are better off for the diverse friendships. And the more I've gotten to know "different" people, the more I've learned we're really similar in the important things of life.

    Racism will only end when people truly to get to know each other at the personal level.

    I know for sure that many of us are still too quick to judge others by the color of their skin. Among my circle of friends and acquaintances, often bright enough people otherwise, are a number who are ignorant regarding race. Regarding them, I've learned I can't change the world...and I suppose, at times, I can be too tolerant of intolerance, but I do my best to cause a world where skin color doesn't matter.

    I guess that is why I post this message today. I want you to know that I am sure the jerk you ran into the other night is a dying breed and not a representative of white thinking today regarding race. He's not even close to being typical.

    In the end, all those of us who care about racial justice can do is to try to treat others fairly. Racial injustice will not be wiped away until all of us get enough perspective to be able to, as they say, walk in others shoes. This goes for blacks and Hispanics, too. Racism comes in every color. But, because the truth is that racial differences are insignificant differences --- I feel certain that racial ignorance will continue to diminish in our society.

    Above all, as Putnam wrote, keep strong, as I know you have had to do and will continue to do.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •