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Thread: I've lost it all....

  1. #1
    International Counter bellisimo's Avatar
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    Default I've lost it all....

    I'm now in a state of mind where I feel like "it doesn't matter"

    I just feel like I lost the will/drive/motivation to see what the world is going to bring me the next day....

    and I can honestly say it's NOT a good feeling.
    everything that I'm doing feels EMPTY.

    I dunno if anyone ever felt this way...but I just had to get this off my chest....and when I look at the so-called "friends" around me...I realize they're all empty as well

  2. #2
    Huge Member heywoode's Avatar
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    Default Re: I've lost it all....

    I don't know anything about you or what your situation is, but I can tell you from experience that no matter how brutal life feels like it can be, it is ALWAYS worse for somebody else out there...

    If there are things that are bothering you that you need to get off your chest, please continue to do so here...people here are very helpful and caring....there is good advice to be had!

    Keep your chin up, and try to focus on the positives...

    Sometimes it is difficult for me to do that, but I heard a motivational speaker at a conference not long ago (www.chalkguy.com) who told us that nobody is more brutal to your self-esteem than yourself. When your inner voice is telling you that life sucks, or that you aren't good enough, tell that voice to shut up!

    It may sound corny, or oversimplified, but I have been surprised at how well that advice works...



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    International Counter bellisimo's Avatar
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    Default Re: I've lost it all....

    I am grateful for the position that I am now in considering where I was roughly 2 years ago.

    but what I seem to be going through is something that didn't really happen before...I've been through some hardcore times...but I didn't quit on life then...nor do I want to now...

    and just to clarify...I'm not suicidal.

    but I just feel empty....

    Its like as if I've been busy creating a virtual environment for myself to feel as if life is busy/good/important....

    but when I take a step back and look around....
    all I notice how fake everything seems...from co-workers to friends to relatives...

    I guess i feel detached from my life-n-surroundings more than anything...and i don't really know how to fix that.

  4. #4
    Huge Member heywoode's Avatar
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    Default Re: I've lost it all....

    I know someone who is going through the same detached feelings and emptiness. Their feelings happen to be a result of withdrawal symptoms from getting off of a prescription anti-depressant, Lexapro....

    I'm not saying that you are in the same boat, and it is good to hear that you are not suicidal...

    When you say that you look around and everything (or everyone) seems fake, I'm not sure exactly how to address that. I can tell you from my own experience that when I used to feel like things were kind of blah, I found that it was my own feelings of restlessness or feeling like I was in a rut and things had become very routine. When you say are stepping back and looking around, even if you may feel like you are looking at things objectively or with a realist type attitude, you are probably biased by some feelings I described above.

    Are there things that would interest you, or make you excited again, but you just don't know how to go about starting or reaching those goals? When I was going through a particularly difficult time in my life, I looked back at all the things that I had told myself as an adolescent that I wanted to do "when I grew up" or when I was in control of my own destiny. I took a long hard look and decided there were a few things that were worth exploring...

    For me, one thing I wanted to do was learn how to be a photographer. Not just a point-and-shoot clicker, but someone who knew and practiced the actual art of photography. I found a cheap beginner's course and jumped in with both feet. The instructor was a pro photojournalist with our local paper. He and I became fast friends and now he is my mentor/guru and I greatly enjoy making photos of just about anything! I probably make an average of 100-200 frames a week, and I carry my camera with me constantly. You never know when a beautiful sunset or a rainbow, or a pleasing-to-the-eye bend in a country road will present itself to you! I have found photography to be very challenging and rewarding...

    That is one small example, but I hope it illustrated my point that there are always things that interest you that would help you get out of a rut, or give you satisfaction.

    I hope that helps!



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    Member Kat's Avatar
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    Default Re: I've lost it all....

    Quote Originally Posted by bellisimo View Post
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    I guess i feel detached from my life-n-surroundings more than anything...and i don't really know how to fix that.
    I totally understand how you feel. At my last job, there would be days where I would come home feeling like I hadn't had an interesting thought or a real emotion the *entire* day. I just wasn't getting enough stimulation.

    I echo heywoode's advice about finding something that gets you excited again. Maybe you need to take a new direction in your career, or find a new hobby, or make new friends. Or maybe all three. You say, "Its like as if I've been busy creating a virtual environment for myself to feel as if life is busy/good/important...." Maybe you should get involved in charity work, something really hands-on. That would break you out of your "virtual environment" and get you doing something that is genuinely important.

    Whatever you decide, do something. This feeling is a way for your brain to kick you in the *** to change things. Don't ignore it.
    Dean Winchester: It takes two to... you know, have hardcore sex.

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    International Counter bellisimo's Avatar
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    Default Re: I've lost it all....

    yea thats a different story as i've never been diagnosed with depression...

    thanks for the tips/ideas....

    honestly the real deal behind it all is that I think that I'm a social person who needs to be surrounded by people to be happy with...

    but when I look back on life, it seems like as if I've just been forcing myself to be surrounded by people cause I never really attached or hanged out with just one particular group....

    some of my friends mentioned that maybe im spreading myself too thin and should focus on the people i care for....

    but when I do and they don't respond the way that I envision...it feels like as if I'm just wasting my energy for no good reason.

    I hate the idea that everything in life is a numbers game and how you gotta throw enough mud out there hoping one would stick.

    I just want a clear path as to how I can go from point A in any aspect of my life to Point B without BS.

    I'm 24 and have never been in a serious relationship cause I never felt the girl that I was seeing was actually the right fit for me....

    and its becoming a bit discouring to be in a country like Hungary where it seems like 90% of the population is in a relationship of some sort....

  7. #7
    International Counter bellisimo's Avatar
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    Default Re: I've lost it all....

    Quote Originally Posted by Kat View Post
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    I echo heywoode's advice about finding something that gets you excited again. Maybe you need to take a new direction in your career, or find a new hobby, or make new friends. Or maybe all three.
    Whatever you decide, do something. This feeling is a way for your brain to kick you in the *** to change things. Don't ignore it.
    I'm actually going to be changing a scenary in regards to my job in the coming month so hopefully that will re-energize me in some way and also help me make new friends...

    I've lived in 5 different countries...and I always had to restart from scratch and establish myself....
    but when I look back at it...I'm getting the same result...

    which is what I want to change...I have tried various approaches to make sure I'd get different results...but somehow always ended up in the same blackhole....maybe it was wrong place or the wrong timing....whatever it is...just never did add up.


    maybe its because I moved around alot when I was young I just decided to stay detached to people so that if and when I did leave I wouldn't get hurt...and now its biting me in the ***....

  8. #8
    Huge Member heywoode's Avatar
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    Default Re: I've lost it all....

    I think you're on the right track in trying to figure out why you feel like you do. The theory about moving around and not getting too close to people sounds like a pretty decent one, although doesn't really address the same feelings with your family...

    I would say that it is a good thing if you are getting ready to have a change of scenery...

    I think that you are doing yourself a very good service by talking about it in some format. Getting the dialogue happening OUTSIDE your head is always a more productive solution.

    I don't claim to be an authority on solving anyone's problems, let alone my own, but I am always willing to listen and offer my perspective.

    From some of the other threads I've read here at PD, you are not alone in your feelings, and in my opinion, Kat is someone who has good things to say on most subjects...

    Getting ready to watch the game and read to my kids before beddie-bye time, so I might not be around for awhile...The wife is away on a girl's shopping trip to Chicago for the weekend, so it is up to me to do it all....

    Have a good evening, and again, keep your head up!! Things have a way of working themselves out if you stay focused and motivated to bring about a solution...



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    International Counter bellisimo's Avatar
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    Default Re: I've lost it all....

    appreciate it

    its already 3am over here in Europe...wasn't sleepy and was hoping to somehow catch the game...but that doesn't seem like its gonna happen...so im going to call it a night and see what tomorrow brings me...

    but it was rather interesting to read my horoscope for tomorrow:

    "Intense feelings continue to hold you in place, even if you are actively trying to change your environment for the better. Your best strategy now is to keep reminding yourself of your most basic values. Let your core beliefs be your guiding light and then you will make the right choices. If, however, you get sidetracked by impractical philosophical thinking, the best intentions may still lead you astray."

  10. #10
    International Counter bellisimo's Avatar
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    Default Re: I've lost it all....

    its interesting as to what you can find in the archives...

  11. #11
    dennaB Twes's Avatar
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    Default Re: I've lost it all....

    A year and half later.

    That's what we get for blinking.

    You keep that up and you'll be 40.


  12. #12
    International Counter bellisimo's Avatar
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    Default Re: I've lost it all....

    being 40 isn't that bad...as long as its on good conditions...

  13. #13
    The light, not the lie. kester99's Avatar
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    Default Re: I've lost it all....

    Quote Originally Posted by bellisimo View Post
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    its interesting as to what you can find in the archives...
    Interesting that i didn't notice heywoode cussing once in there.
    [~]) ... Cheers! Go Pacers!

  14. #14
    Member LoneGranger33's Avatar
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    Default Re: I've lost it all....

    ****ing capitalism!

  15. #15
    dennaB Twes's Avatar
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    Default Re: I've lost it all....

    Quote Originally Posted by bellisimo View Post
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    being 40 isn't that bad...as long as its on good conditions...
    Very true.


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