November 29th, 2006
Open Letter of Apology to Mr. Dallas Clark
Dear Mr. Clark,
First, let us begin by saying you are an incredibly strong and handsome man. When we created the "Biggest Hit Ever" Madden '07 commercial featuring your virtual likeness, it was never our intention to portray you as anything but heroic and god-like. Unfortunately, filmmaking - even commercial filmmaking - is an often tumultuous and unpredictable process. Sometimes the best scenes are left wasted on the cutting room floor. Anyone who's seen the director's cut of "Blade Runner" or "Police Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach" knows exactly what I'm talking about. But I digress.
It's been reported in the media that you felt our little commercial made you "look like a punk" or "like you were dying." However, nothing could be further from the truth. Dallas Clark is not only the single greatest professional athlete of our time, he is also an American Hero. As proof, and as our way of saying sorry, we now present the Director's Cut version of your Madden '07 commercial. We think it also definitively proves your greatness in the virtual world.
In closing, you are a huge and powerful football god whom we do not wish to anger. We are tiny pathetic video game nerds. Please don't hurt us.
Your adoring fans at Rooster Teeth