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Thread: More Detroit bashing

  1. #1
    Administrator Unclebuck's Avatar
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    Default More Detroit bashing

    I thought since we are in offseason mode, some of you might like to read this.

    http://www.freep.com/sports/pistons/...e_20050523.htm



    DAN LE BATARD: Detroit is the real pit of the universe

    May 23, 2005






    BY DAN LE BATARD
    MIAMI HERALD COLUMNIST


    It has been voted America's worst city for sleeping and dating. It is pocked with bad roads, abandoned buildings and the Detroit Lions. It is responsible for foisting upon us Ted Nugent, Tom Selleck and John Salley. It is dark and dirty and cold and sad and dangerous.


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    MITCH ALBOM: Miami is all sunburns and alligators


    Other than that, and the murders, Detroit is swell.


    But at least the basketball fans never throw things at opposing players or get into fights with them.


    If the team can't beat you, its fans will try.


    Mitch, like its city, Detroit's basketball style is ugly and depressing, too. The Pistons drag the ballet into the sewage. If rules allowed it, Detroit would play against Dwyane Wade with machetes. The uglier, the better. Playing the Pistons is like setting your face on fire with a blowtorch and then putting out the flames with a screwdriver. Seventy-five points will beat them. This isn't basketball; it's soccer.


    If this were the circus, Shaquille O'Neal would be the tuxedoed ringleader and Wade would be the acrobat and the Pistons would be the elephants going to the bathroom all over the court.


    Their offense needs a calendar, not a shot clock. Fast break? That's what the Pistons do out of town the moment the season is over. Even Detroit's coach, vagabond Larry Brown, has spent the season talking about not particularly wanting to be there anymore. Imagine how eager he'd be to leave if he hadn't won his first pro championship there last year.


    Ah, yes, the championship. That's what they'll flash in our faces today.


    That one ring from last season. Come on, Mitch. You know Detroit didn't steal that ring from Shaq as much as Kobe did. Motivated and skinny Shaq has three of those things. He is about to show you and your starless team how he got them. Big, bad Ben Wallace looks like something that Shaq wears on his key chains. Shaq dropped 36 and 34 on his Afro last season even while having to pry the ball out of Kobe's cold, dead fingers to do it.


    Never mind Shaq's motivation to silence Kobe Bryant, Jerry Buss and MVP voters. The greatest motivation for the Heat to beat the Pistons quickly is so that the players don't have to return to the eighth ring of hell for Game 6.


    "That's not fair," Satan said when reached exclusively by the Miami Herald. "I don't have anything down here as bad as Detroit."


    Detroit would have to add Miami's beaches, weather and nightlife, New York's culture and restaurants and L.A.'s entertainment to upgrade to being merely awful. The fans burn things to celebrate victories, so about the only positive thing you can say about the city is that arson is never a problem around the Lions.


    In the history of man, has anyone ever gone to Detroit to vacation? The next tourist to arrive in Detroit for pleasure will be the first, and will have to be there only because all the vacation packages to Iraq were booked.


    It's a shame that crime and poverty won't allow people there to sleep.


    There's not much else to do in Apocalyptic Detroit, except maybe fight with basketball players. Mitchigan Albom over there will argue that the people are nice. And maybe they are, when they aren't killing each other. It is hard for Miami to mock any city when it comes to violence, but Detroit makes Miami look like Pleasantville.


    Come on, Mitch. How can you be proud of a place that grades on a curve and calls its dump of a basketball arena the Palace? And is replete with fans like those frumpy dorks who ran on the court during the famous Indiana melee ... guys who wear their baseball caps backward because the things don't come with instructions?


    Detroit counters Wade, one of People magazine's 50 most beautiful people, with Rasheed Wallace, one of People magazine's 50 angriest people. Wallace always leads the league in screaming at refs. And when he was in Portland, he blazed a lot more than trails.


    They deserve each other, Wallace and Detroit.


    They are both technically foul.


    DAN LE BATARD is a columnist for the Miami Herald, which, like the Free Press, is owned by Knight Ridder. Contact him at dlebatard@herald.com.

  2. #2
    Harmonica
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    Default Re: More Detroit bashing

    Sad that that passes for "journalism" these days. The guy can barely string together a coherent thought. Some of the stuff he said about Detroit is funny though, but I would expect those kind of jokes from a RealGM message board, not a so-called professional writer.

  3. #3
    Member Doug's Avatar
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    Default Re: More Detroit bashing

    That wasn't serious bashing, just good natured smack-talking.

    I thought it was pretty funny.
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  4. #4
    Go Colts! Shade's Avatar
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    Default Re: More Detroit bashing

    Wow, that was one of the most horrendous pieces of garbage I've ever read. I can't believe people actually get paid for writing trash like that.

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    Default Re: More Detroit bashing

    Quote Originally Posted by Doug
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    That wasn't serious bashing, just good natured smack-talking.
    Its sad when nationally-acclaimed media outlets feel the need to resort to trash.

    People actually get paid for writing like this?

    When I open my morning paper, I'd like to read something thoughtful, clever, or informative. What I do not want to read is something that I could pull off of any sports message board on earth. This article is staggeringly common.

    Yes, its good-natured smack-talk. Which would be fine if this was sports talk radio.

    It wasn't about being the team everyone loved, it was about beating the teams everyone else loved.

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  6. #6
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    Default Re: More Detroit bashing

    You should see the column the guy wrote about how the Heat could win this series even without Shaq.

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    Default Re: More Detroit bashing

    No, my favorite one of the morning was the one out of New York, that petitioned Shaq to "save' the NBA from the "boring" pistons and "boring" spurs.

    It wasn't about being the team everyone loved, it was about beating the teams everyone else loved.

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    Default Re: More Detroit bashing

    That was pretty pointless. Especially the part where he was gloating over Shaq's former championships with ANOTHER TEAM!!!!! Oh and that part where he was proud of Dywane Wade's beauty pagent victory. That article was so pointless and Stan Van Gundy arrogant that it almost makes me want to root for the...nevermind that ain't gonna happen.
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  9. #9
    Member Doug's Avatar
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    Default Re: More Detroit bashing

    I assumed that the column was pre-arranged between the papers and that Mitch Albom's piece http://www.freep.com/sports/pistons/...e_20050523.htm goes with it.
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  10. #10
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    Default Re: More Detroit bashing

    I thought they were both funy.

    Did anyone catch the Freep article that re mentions the Artest showing up at the Fieldhouse rumor. This time they seem to be confirming it through Ben Wallace.

  11. #11
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    Default Re: More Detroit bashing

    Playing the Pistons is like setting your face on fire with a blowtorch and then putting out the flames with a screwdriver.
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  12. #12
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    Default Re: More Detroit bashing

    Trashtalking is one thing. This is not even journalism.

  13. #13
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    Default Re: More Detroit bashing

    You sure that wasn't lifted off a blog or something?

    Ugh.
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  14. #14
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    Default Re: More Detroit bashing

    First of all, there is nothing wrong with Ted Nugent or Tom Selleck.

    Second,

    In the history of man, has anyone ever gone to Detroit to vacation?
    My parents went there on their honeymoon.

    And lastly, another article like this and I might prefer the Pistons win.

  15. #15
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    Default Re: More Detroit bashing

    Garbage article... even if it is tongue in cheek.

    San Antonio sure was boring while putting up 121 points against the Suns.

  16. #16
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    Default Re: More Detroit bashing

    I think my 7th grade basketball team could look entertaining putting up 121 against the suns.

    It wasn't about being the team everyone loved, it was about beating the teams everyone else loved.

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  17. #17
    Grey
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    Default Re: More Detroit bashing

    That article isn't meant to be taken seriously. Mitch did the same thing with a Los Angeles columnist last summer.

    http://www.freep.com/sports/pistons/lat5_20040605.htm

    http://www.freep.com/sports/albom/mitch5_20040605.htm

  18. #18
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    Default Re: More Detroit bashing

    Quote Originally Posted by Grey
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    That article isn't meant to be taken seriously.
    .......which is why nobody takes the newspaper or the columnist seriously anymore either......

    It wasn't about being the team everyone loved, it was about beating the teams everyone else loved.

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  19. #19
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    Default Re: More Detroit bashing

    Actually Albom and Le Batard are two of the most successful and most read sportswriters in the national media. They are also obviously friends, and wrote these dueling articles not because either one of them really hates the others' city, but because A) many fans enjoy reading nasty articles about their opponent's city and B) when you're covering a seven game series that stretches over two weeks, you've got to find a way to keep the coverage entertaining for both yourself and the reader.

  20. #20
    PfanIU18
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    Default Re: More Detroit bashing

    That could have been the funniest article I have ever read...besides the Kravitz article about the curse on the Colts...That is the all-time best...

  21. #21
    flexible and robust SoupIsGood's Avatar
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    Default Re: More Detroit bashing

    I understand it was lighthearted, but sheesh, can't the guy at least make it flow? I felt like I was in rush-hour traffic reading that piece. Stop. Go. Stop. Paragraph break. Go. Stop. Attempt at humor. Go. Done.
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  22. #22
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    Default Re: More Detroit bashing

    You guys need to lighten up. I thought it was hilarious.

  23. #23
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    Default Re: More Detroit bashing

    Point to Albom for kicking Le Batard's butt. The article in defense of Detroit was much better than the one defending Miami.

    I know it was for kicks and giggles, but, dang, they both could've been a lot better.

    You're not actually drinking that Kool-Aid, are you? The red, gooey stuff that says your Miami Heat, barely a playoff team last year, is now suddenly championship material?
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  24. #24

    Default Re: More Detroit bashing

    If you look at where Detroit is located in the midwest, it is about where the armpit is located.
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  25. #25
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    Default Re: More Detroit bashing

    That was the funniest thing I've read in a long time.... hilarious.


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