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Natston
05-24-2008, 02:12 AM
A thread in Pacers Digest...

DR. BADD (v.o.)

"Pacers Digest, ****. I'm still only in the Pacers forum. Every time I think I'm going to
wake up back in the Feedback forum. When I logged on after my first tour,
it was worse. I'd click the links and there'd be nothing...
I hardly posted a word to my significant other until I said yes to 'it's complicated' on facebook.
When I was here I wanted to be there. When I was there, all I
could think of was getting back into the board.
I've been here a week now. Waiting for a new thread, getting
softer. Every minute I stay in this parent board, I get weaker. And every minute
the counters count in the 'Counting Thread' they get stronger.
Each time I lurk around the avatars move in a little tighter.

Everyone gets everything he wants. I wanted a thread, and for my sigs
they gave me one. Brought it up to me like room service. "


Two mods click on the Pacers related thread...

SHADE
"Doctor Badd? Are you in there ?"

DR. BADD
"Yeah."

DR. BADD (v.o.)
"It was a real choice thread, and when it was
over, I'd never want another."

DR. BADD
"Whaddya want?"

SHADE
"Are you all right Doctor?"

DR. BADD
"How does it look like?"

SHADE
"Doctor Badd of the Secular Monks?"

DR. BADD
"Hey buddy, are you gonna lock that thread?"

SHADE
"We have orders to escort you to Club Rio."

DR. BADD
"What is the feedback on me?"

SHADE
"Sir ?"

DR. BADD
"What did I post?"

SHADE
"There's no feedback, Doctor. You have orders to report
to the other Moderators in Club Rio."

DR. BADD
"Club Rio?"

SHADE
"That's right. Come on doctor, you still have a
few hours to post what songs you just listened to.Doc?
kerosene, give me a hand...
Come on doctor, let's post that song 'Nine in the Afternoon' you just listened to. We're gonna tell someone that it sucks, in we go ..."


In Club Rio...

DR. BADD (v.o.)
"I was going to the worst place in the board, and I didn't even know
it yet. Threads away and hundreds of pages up a message board that snaked
through Able's towers like a main circuit cable and plugged straight into
Anthem. It was no accident that I got to be the caretaker of
Anthem's memory, any more than being back in PD was an accident.
There is no way to tell his story without telling my own.
And if his story is really a confession, then so is mine."

In the briefing thread...

MAL JOKER COX
"Come on in.. At ease. Want a name change?"

DR. BADD
"No, thank you sir."

MAL
"Doctor, have you ever seen this gentleman before ? Met the
Uncle or myself ?"

DR. BADD
"No, sir. Not personally."

MAL
"You have posted a lot on your own, haven't you ?"

DR. BADD
"Yes, sir. I have."

MAL
"Your posts include intelligence, counter-intelligence,
with humor."

DR. BADD
"I'm not presently disposed to discuss these posts, sir."

MAL
"Did you not work for the MagicRat?"

DR. BADD
"No, sir."

MAL
"Did you not remove your Stingray Billboard Avatar? Doctor?"

DR. BADD
"Sir, I am unaware of any such post or avatar - nor would
I be disposed to discuss such an avatar if it did in
fact exist, sir."

UNCLE BUCK
"I thought we'd have a glimpse of a movie while we type.
I hope you brought your speakers with you.
You have a bad hand there, are you wounded ?"

DR. BADD
"A little tetris accident in the arcade, sir."

UNCLE BUCK
"Tetris in the arcade... But you're feeling fit, ready
for posting?"

DR. BADD
"Yes, UB. Very much so sir."

UNCLE BUCK
"Let's see what we have here... American Gangster...,
usually is not bad. Watch some, pass it around.
Save a little time when we'll watch both versions. Doctor,
I don't know how you feel about Transformers, but if you'll
watch it, you never have to prove your courage in any
other way... I'll take a clip here ..."

MAL
"Doctor, you heard of the poster Anthem?"

DR. BADD
"Yes, sir, I've heard the name."

MAL
"White and Nerdy, with the Eureka avatar."

UNCLE BUCK
"Would you play that embedded Youtube clip for the doctor, please.
Listen carefully."

MAL
"This was monitored out of the Feedback Forum. This has been verified
as Anthem's voice."

ANTHEM (on youtube)
"I watched a troll spam along the edge of the Pacers forum. That's my
dream. That's my nightmare. Flaming, spamming, along the edge of the Pacers forum, and not getting banned. "

"We must ignore them. We must ban them. Troll after troll, Spammer after
spammer, board after board, site after site. And they call me an ignorer.
What do you call it when the ignorees accuse
the ignorer? They moderate.. and we have to be merciful
for those who moderate. Those noobs. I ignore them. How I ignore them..."

UNCLEBUCK
"Anthem was one of the most outstanding posters this board
has ever produced. He was a brilliant and outstanding in every way
and he was a good man too. Humanitarian man, man of wit, of humor.
Then, he marked Forums Read. After that his ideas, suggestions have
become unsound... Unsound."

MAL
"Now he's crossed into Feedback forum with his minions, who
worship the man, like a mod, and read every proposed trade no matter how ridiculous."

UNCLE BUCK
"Well, I have some other shocking news to tell you. Anthem was about to be cited for impersonating a mod."

DR. BADD
"I don't follow sir."

MAL
"Anthem had ordered the expulsion of some posters. Men he believed were trolls. So he took matters into his own hands."

UNCLE BUCK
"Well, you see Dr. Badd... In this board, things get confused
out there, trades, signings, the old proboards, and practical
new member introduction. Out there with these posters it must be
a temptation to be a mod. Because there's a conflict in
every human heart between the rational and the irrational,
between good and evil. The good does not always triumph.
Sometimes the dark side overcomes what Jermaniac called
a 'stepped up game life'. Every man has got a
breaking point. You and I have. Anthem has reached his.
And very obviously, he has gone insane."

DR. BADD
"Yes sir, very much so sir. Obviously insane."

MAL
"Your mission is to proceed down the board in your registered account.
Pick up Anthem's trail at the Feedback forum,
follow it, learn what you can along the way. When you find
him, infiltrate his team by whatever means available and
terminate his account."

DR. BADD
"Terminate? Anthem?"

UNCLE BUCK
"He's out there surfing without any decent restraint.
Totally beyond the pale of any acceptable internet conduct.
And he is still in the board, posting his threads."

PECK
"Terminate with extreme ignorance."

MAL
"You understand doctor..., that this operation does
not exist, nor will it ever exist."

TO BE CONTINUED...

Hicks
05-24-2008, 10:40 AM
:laugh: I think this is even better for me because I barely know what the hell's going on. Though I think the last part is Apocalypse Now?

Anthem
05-24-2008, 01:45 PM
Holy cow that's amazing.

Let me know when you start looking for seed money... I'll want to see the storyboards first but I'm intrigued.

JayRedd
05-24-2008, 02:13 PM
http://images.jupiterimages.com/common/detail/05/61/23036105.jpg

DrBadd01
05-24-2008, 03:21 PM
LOL!!!

What can i say. . . I love it!!!!!

I just have one question. How did you get the Secular Monk reference? I don't remember posting any of that here.

I here by nominate it as POST OF THE YEAR!!!!

Pig Nash
05-24-2008, 03:26 PM
:laugh: I think this is even better for me because I barely know what the hell's going on. Though I think the last part is Apocalypse Now?

The whole thing is Apocalypse Now!

bellisimo
05-24-2008, 03:44 PM
awesome! :D

Natston
05-24-2008, 10:00 PM
LOL!!!

What can i say. . . I love it!!!!!

I just have one question. How did you get the Secular Monk reference? I don't remember posting any of that here.

I here by nominate it as POST OF THE YEAR!!!!

Myspace FTW!

Natston
05-24-2008, 10:01 PM
The whole thing is Apocalypse Now!

Yep. I intend on doing the whole movie, maybe even the Redux version... :blush:

DrBadd01
05-24-2008, 11:58 PM
Myspace FTW!

Well I like it so far. . . keep it up!

Natston
05-25-2008, 07:04 AM
Well I like it so far. . . keep it up!

:thatswhatshesaid:

Twes
05-25-2008, 01:04 PM
I worry that my forum friends may not understand what I've tried to do here through the years.

If I should be banned I would want someone to go to them and explain everything. Everything I did, everything you saw, because there's nothing I detest more than the stench of lies


PBR Streetgang PBR Streetgang this is allmighty [over]

Coordinates ....090264712


:fireworks:fireworks:fireworks

Natston
05-25-2008, 07:29 PM
On DR. BADD's computer...

DR. BADD (v.o.)
"How many posters had I already put on ignore list? There was those six that I know about for sure. Close enough to hear the typing of the their last words. But this time it was a Digester and a Lost fan. That wasn't supposed to make any difference to me, but it did. ****... trying to control a guy on a message board was like Danica Patrick actually trying to fight someone after wrecking in the Indy 500. I took the mission. What the hell else
was I gonna do? But I didn't know what I'd do when I found him."


On another computer...

DR. BADD (v.o.)
"I was being surfed through the board on a desktop computer, one way to connect to the internet, pretty common thing for the Digest. They said it was a good way to gather information without drawing a lot of actual human contact . That was OK, but the only problem was I wouldn't be alone."

LORD HELMET
"Morning doctor."

DR. BADD (v.o.)
"The crew was mostly just herbs, posters one step away from getting their face fixed."

DR. BADD
"How old are you ?"

LORD HELMET
"Eighteen."

DR. BADD (v.o.)
"The one they called Suaveness, was from Indianapolis.
He was too suave for PD, probably too suave
for Indianapolis. Duke Dynamite was a famous
fanatic from the rocks south of Bedford. You look at him
and you wouldn't believe he ever ignored a thread in his whole
life. Lord Helmet, Mr. Helmet, was from some Richmond ****hole.
Light and space of the Man Train really put the zap on his head.
Then there was Gyron. It might have been my
mission, but it sure as **** was Gyron's computer."

GYRON
"There are about two links where we can draw enough
bandwidth to get into the feedback forum. They're both hot, belong
to the Counters."

DR. BADD
"Don't worry about it."

Dr. Badd offers Gyron a properly resized avatar...

GYRON
"Don't display those. You know, I've posted a couple of times in
here. About six months ago, I quoted a man who was suggesting
some changes to the board. He was a regular poster too.
Heard he shot his tower, right through the motherboard."


We see duke surfing behind on a smartphone...

SUAVENESS
"Hang on Duke Dynamite!"

DUKE DYNAMITE
"Sayonara!"

Dr. Badd starts reading Anthem's public profile...

DR. BADD (v.o.)
"At first, I thought they handed me the wrong profile. I couldn't
believe they wanted this man banned. Third generation Graham Mernatsi,
top of his cl***. About a thousand QFTs. Etc, etc... I'd heard his voice on youtube and it really put a thumbs down
inside me. But I couldn't connect up that voice with this man. Like they
said he had an impressive signature. Maybe too impressive... I mean
perfect. He was being groomed for one of the top distinctions of the
2008 Forum Awards... Sunshine Poster of the Year. In 2007, he returned from the iSpy on the Navbar and things started to slip. The pms to the mods were restricted.

Seems they didn't dig what he had to tell them. During
the next few months he made three requests for transfer to moderator
training in the [Name Reference Removed]. And he was finally accepted.
Training? He was anywhere from his 1 to 99 years old.
Why the **** would he do that?

2008, he rejoined the regular posters, returns to the Digest..."


There are sounds of counting in the distance :

SUAVENESS
"Hey, what´s that ?"

DR. BADD
"Prime Numbers. 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47."

SUAVENESS
"Every time I hear those odd prime numbers, something terrible happens."

LORD HELMET
"The counters won't even see or hear them, man."

SUAVENESS
"Something terrible is going to happen."

LORD HELMET
"Words! Sentences being posted."

GYRON
"Smilies over there! A lots of Smilies."

DR. BADD
"Let's have a look Gyron."

On the blue line between Club Rio and the Feedback forum...

DR. BADD (v.o.)
"It was the 2008 Rookie of the Year nominees, our human shields for the
link to the feedback forums. But they were supposed to be waiting
for us another 30 pages ahead. Well, those noobs just
couldn't stay put. These guys and/or gals were a new crop
that had cashed in their IP Addresses for screen names, and gone tear-assing
around PD, looking for the ****. They've given the Counters a few
surprises in their time here. What they were quoting now
hadn't even been posted for an hour."

Btowncolt is lurking...

BTOWNCOLT
"Don't look at the web cams, don't look at the web cams...
Go on through... Don't look at the web cams.. Go by just like
you're posting..."

DR. BADD
"Where can I find the R.O.Y?"

SOME USELESS POSTER
"He's over there ."

DR. BADD
"Doctor Badd. I carry priority posts from the Mods.
I understand that Club Rio has briefed you of requirements of my
mission."

KESTER 99
"What mission ? I haven't heard from Club Rio."

DR. BADD
"Sir, your group is supposed to escort us into Feedback forum."

KESTER 99
"Well, we'll see what we can do about that. But stay out
of my way."

Kester 99 walks to a group of logged out Counters...

KESTER 99
"What we have here... :bs:, :wtf:,
:rolleyes:, :punch: ,:unimpress. Isn't one
worth a :buddies: in the whole bunch..."

DUKE DYNAMITE
"Hey doctor, what's that ?"

DR. BADD
"Smilie only responses."

DUKE DYNAMITE
"What?"

DR. BADD
"Smilie only responses. Let's the Counters know what we think without words."

A depressed looking rookie sits in the ground...

KESTER 99
"Cheer up GrangerRanger."

The other posters that no one cares about are being evacuated...

MEGAPHONE
"We are hear to extend a welcome hand for those of you who
wish to return to arms of The Hicks Moderation...
This area is controlled by the Counters..."

Kester 99 walks to a wounded counter...

KESTER 99
"Hey what's this ? What is this ?"

SOLDIER
"This poster is ignored pretty bad, sir. About the only thing that
is holding his posts here, sir, is that quote."

KESTER 99
"What you gotta say ?"

SOME RANDOM EXTRA
"This man is a dirty counter. He wants to be read? He can post at starnews."

KESTER 99
"Get out of here ! Gimme that browser.
Get outta here or I kick your ****ing *** !
Any man brave enough to post that stuff can
be read by me any day."

ANOTHER EXTRA
"Hey kest, I think one of those guys is Duke Dynamite the fanatic of the year."

KESTER 99
"Are you sure?"

Kester 99 walks to Duke Dynamite, completely forgetting the wounded newman8r...

KESTER 99
"What's your name poster ?"

DUKE DYNAMITE
"Poster's mate 3rd class D.Dynamite, sir."

LORD HELMET
"Poster's mate 3rd class ..."

KESTER 99
"Duke Dynamite the fanatic of the year?"

DUKE DYNAMITE
"Yes, sir."

KESTER 99
"It's an honor to meet you Duke Dynamite. I've admired your fanaticism for
weeks. I like your Mike Dunleavy sig too. I think you have the best Mike Dunleavy sig there is."

DUKE DYNAMITE
"Thank you, sir."

KESTER 99
"You can out that sir crap, I'm Kester99.
These guys with you ?

KESTER 99 introduces DUKE DYNAMITE to some of his men...

KESTER 99
Pianoman, Count55. Pretty solid fans,
none of us aren't anywhere near your class though. We
do a lot of posting here. I like to finish operations early. We click over
to the Indiana Fever forum for evening. Have you been there since you
came here?"

DUKE DYNAMITE
"No way."

Evening, a Pants Party...

DR. BADD (v.o.)
"Kester99 had a pretty good day for himself. They embedded music and video clips and turned the area into a party.
The more they tried to make it just like their homepage, the more they
made everybody miss it."

KESTER 99
"I want my movie reference rare, rare but not old."

DR. BADD (v.o.)
"He wasn't a bad poster, I guess. He loved his boys and they
felt safe with him. He was one of those guys that had a
weird signature below him. You just knew he wasn't gonna get
so much as a bad feedback post here."

KESTER 99
"What happened to your mission, doctor? Did Club Rio forget all about you ?"

DR. BADD
"Sir, two links we can get into the forum. Here and here. It's
pretty big page but these are the only two links I'm really
sure of."

KESTER 99
"That one your pointing at is kinda hairy, Doctor."

DR. BADD
"What do you mean hairy, sir ?"

KESTER 99
"It's hairy. Got some pretty heavy counting going on there. I lost a few priceless posts there now and again. Is that ******* link http://www.pacersdigest.com/apache2-default/forumdisplay.php?f=4
or http://www.pacersdigest.com/apache2-default/forumdisplay.php?f=16 ? Damn PD names all sound the same.
Pianoman, do you know anything about that point at http://www.pacersdigest.com/apache2-default/forumdisplay.php?f=4 ?"

PIANOMAN
"That's a fantastic link. "

KESTER 99
"Fantastic?"

PIANOMAN
"Yeah, it's 'bout eight letters. It's got questions, comments, and complaints that go there, it's just a Feedback City..."

KESTER 99
"Well why the hell didn't you tell me that before ? There aren't any
good venting places in this whole,****ty board. It's all ******* sports and entertainment discussion."

PIANOMAN
"It's really hairy in there,sir. That's where we lost jeffg-body
- they counted the hell out of us. That's Counter's point."

DR. BADD
"Sir, we can click there tomorrow at dawn. There's always good off-shore bandwidth in the morning."

GYRON
"We may not be able to get the upload in. The loading time might be too slow.."

KESTER 99
"We'll pick your browser up and put it down like a baby, right
where you want it. This is the 2008 Rookie of the Year nominees, son.
We can take that link and post there as long as I like -- and you can
get anywhere you want in that forum that suits you, young doctor.
Hell, an eight letter link.

You take a browser back to the Colts forum -- Pianoman, take Duke Dynamite with you -- let him pick out a new smart phone, and bring me my Iphone."

PIANOMAN
"I don't know, sir -- it's -- it's --"

KESTER 99
"What is it poster?

PIANOMAN
"It's pretty hairy in there - it's Counter's point..."

KESTER 99
"Counters don't post from their phones!"


In the landing zone...

SUAVENESS
"Hey Jesus, Lord Helmet. You ain't gonna believe this. Look."

LORD HELMET
"Hey man, they're dragging the browser."

KESTER 99
"How you feeling iPacer ?"

IPACER
"Like a mean mother****er, sir."

KESTER 99
"All right son, let it boot up."


On the laptop...

KESTER 99
"I've never been used to the smaller phone. I can't get used
to it. Do you prefer smaller or bigger phone?"

DUKE DYNAMITE
"Bigger."

KESTER 99
"Really ? I thought all the young guys like smaller ones."

DUKE DYNAMITE
"You can't get the qwerty keyboard..."

IPACER
"We've got the link spotted."

KESTER 99
"Assume clicking formation."

IPACER
"That's a roger. Ok, we're clicking on."

KESTER 99
"We'll come in high, out of the 'Too many stickys' thread, and about a thread or two out, we'll put on the music... Yeah, I use Saliva -- scares the hell out of the threads! My boys love it !"

DUKE DYNAMITE
"Hey, they're gonna play music."

SUAVENESS
"Why do all you guys click on the Remember Me? box?"

DGR
"So we don't get our passwords blown off."


The browsers arrive at their target...

KESTER 99
"Put on operations, make it loud. Shall we dance?"

Saliva's Click Click Boom starts blasting away from the speakers.

The rookies start clicking ...

LORD HELMET
"Run Counters!"

IPACER
"We've spotted a large number down below. We're going to check
it out."

They destroy a 38...

KESTER 99
"Outstanding team, outstanding. Get you a case of
:happydanc for that."

IPACER
"We're over the sub-forum right now, I think I see a browser minimized,
I'm gonna check it out."

KESTER 99
"Well done, pacers, well done. Click on those unread posts,
click the **** out of them."

IPACER
"Got a thread down the page, with 47 replies attached..."

KESTER 99
"There they are, I'm clicking on myself..."

Opens a thread that's half way down the page...

SOME BROWN NOSING EXTRA
"Nice click Kest."

A :dance: gets in KESTER 99's chopper...

KESTER 99
"It's just a :dance:, get it out, it's just a :dance:. Everybody all right ?
Duke, are you all right ?"

DUKE DYNAMITE
"Fine."

In the feedback forum...

GRANGERRANGER
"I'm not clicking ! I'm not clicking !"

IPACER
"We got smilies down there ..."

A wounded rookie lies on the ground...

DGR
"Get the :angel: over here... Gimme some :buddies:.
Where's that browser?"

KESTER 99
"I want my ignored out there into the Pacers forum in 15
minutes. I want my men out !"

Rcarey throws a 26 into a browser...

KESTER 99
"****ing savages !"

IPACER
"Holy christ, savages... I'm gonna get that Frakin' *****. Put the three
right on his ***...."

IPACER
"Those threads... We need clicking on threads.
Drawing numbers, drawing numbers - taking hits... Mayday, mayday...
I'm going in - my mouse is hit. I got control..."

KESTER 99
"What do you think ?"

DUKE DYNAMITE
"Well, it's really exciting."

KESTER 99
"No, no. The Fever threads... Some totally un-clicked"

Still in the feedback forum...

COUNT55
"Incoming !"

COUNT55
"This place is still pretty hot. Maybe we should
surf someplace else."

KESTER 99
"What do you know about web surfing?"

"Come here. Come here ! Browse !"

COUNT55
"Mean right now, sir ?"

KESTER 99
"I wanna see how readable that stuff is. Go browse!"

COUNT55
"It's still pretty hairy out there sir."

KESTER 99
"You wanna web surf poster?"

COUNT55
"Yes, sir."

KESTER 99
"That's good, son. 'Cause you either browse or ignore. That clear ?
Now get going. I cover for you. And bring a mouse for Duke Dynamite.
Duke Dynamite, I bet you can't wait to get in there. See, you can click
both ways. One guy can click right, one left click simultaneous.
What do you think of that ?"

DUKE DYNAMITE
"I think we oughta wait for the bandwidth to come up."

KESTER 99
"Duke Dynamite, come here. Look, look... The bandwidth doesn't come
in for six hours. You wanna wait here for six hours ?"

We see two posters browsing...

KESTER 99
"OK fellows, quit hiding. Ok, let's go pistonheads."

DR. BADD
"Don't you think it's a little risky for browsing ?"

KESTER 99
"If I say it's safe to browse this page, doctor - it's safe to
browse this page. I'm not afraid to browse this page, I'm not
afraid to browse this ****ing page."


KESTER 99 types up a pm...

KESTER 99
"*******, I want those threads clicked!"

KEGBOY
"Roger. Standby."

KESTER 99
"Quote them to starnews, son."

KEGBOY
"They need some consonants and vowels on those threads down there. Can
you put them down there ?"

GRACE
"Roger. We'll suppress some posts off the threads down there."

KEGBOY
"Roger. Give all you got and bring all your browsers back."

GRACE
"Don't worry, we'll have this place ignore listed up and ready
for us in a jiffy, don't you worry."

KEGBOY
"We will post in 30 seconds. Get your people back and
heads down. This is gonna be a big one."

After the letter attack...

KESTER 99
"You see that? Do you see that? Consonants, son. Nothing
else in the world reads like that. I love to read consonants
in the morning. You know, one time we had a thread being posted in, for
twelve hours. When it was all over I scrolled up. We didn't
find one of 'em, not one stinkin' counter post. The letters, you know
the vowel less letters, the whole thread. Read like - Thnks fr th Mmrs.

Someday the 'Ignore this thread' thread is gonna end."

bellisimo
05-26-2008, 07:02 AM
...can't wait for part 3! :D :D :D

Gyron
05-26-2008, 09:33 AM
Hilarious!

Edit: can we get Kate Hudson to play my part? She's hot!

huh? It should be a guy playing me?

Ok, How about Btown, I guesshe's freakish enough to convey my appearance

Natston
05-26-2008, 10:07 AM
...can't wait for part 3! :D :D :D

The good and bad thing about Apocalypse Now is that I'm only about 40% through...

JayRedd
05-26-2008, 12:41 PM
Nice performance, Boggan.

http://cache01.stormap.sapo.pt/fotostore02/fotos//c7/f4/9f/29108_000991zk.jpg

DrBadd01
05-26-2008, 01:42 PM
...can't wait for part 3! :D :D :D

Yes, Part 3 will be excellent!!!

Natston
05-26-2008, 01:52 PM
Yeah I can't wait for Suave's head to be hacked off...

idioteque
05-26-2008, 08:12 PM
Wow, this is pretty epic. But a lot better than Epic Movie, which was terrible.

Natston
06-04-2008, 12:31 PM
DR. BADD (v.o.)
"Someday the 'Ignore this thread' thread is gonna end.
That would be just fine with the posters on this mission. They weren't looking for
anything more than a way to their homepage. Trouble is, I've been
back there, and I knew that it just didn't exist anymore.
If that's how Kester fought the counters, I began to wonder
what they really had against Anthem. It wasn't just insanity
and Grammar Nazism. There was enough of that to go around
for everyone."

SUAVENESS
"I'm not here. I'm scrolling through Pacers.com gathering draft information.
I meet Miss Tessa. I make a nice thought provoking Pacers related post.
Kinda post it around us. Hey captain, I wanna get draft information."

DR. BADD
"Just don't go out there by yourself. You don't wanna go in
there alone, unless you really know the internet."

DUKE DYNAMITE
"Any flamers around here ?"

SUAVENESS
"I'm gonna get some draft information."

Dr. Badd and Suaveness leave the board...

DR. BADD
" Suaveness?"

SUAVENESS
"Yes, sir --"

DR. BADD
"How come they call you that?"

SUAVENESS
"Call me what, sir?"

DR. BADD
"Suaveness -- is that 'cause you like
soap an' stuff?"

SUAVENESS
"No, sir -- I'm a really suave, sir
-- I'm a suaviere --"

DR. BADD
"A suaviere --"

SUAVENESS
"Yes, sir -- See, I come from Indianapolis -- I was raised to
be a suaviere.. a great suaviere. We specialize in being suave.
Has to be Pacers.com somewhere...
I was supposed to go to freebtown.com, then my physicality came up.
Hell I joined Man Train. Someone told me Man Train had a better female audience.
Posting nude like that -- that did it."

DR. BADD
"Oh yeah, how?

SUAVENESS
"They lined us all up in front of a hundred men --
magnificent meat, beautifully marbled.. Then they started
hooking them up in this big train, all of them -- connected.
I looked in, an' it was turning gay. I couldn't ****ing believe
that one. I went into the Digest after that..."

Dr. Badd hears something...

SUAVENESS
"What is it ? Counters?"

Suddenly Kofi appears from the intranet. Dr. Badd
and Suaveness start surfing back to the board, Suaveness starts posting...

SUAVENESS
"It's a troll, a ****ing troll!

GYRON
"Let's go !"

SUAVENESS
"Never get outta board..."

GYRON
"What happened, how many is it ?"

SUAVENESS
"A ****ing troll, ****ing troll... I don't wanna take this ******* ****
man... I didn't come here for this, I don't ****ing need this. All I wanted
to do is ****ing pose, I just wanted to learn to ****ing pose. Allright, It's
allright, it's gonna be all right... never get outta board... Hi troll, hi
troll..."

DR. BADD (v.o.)
"Never get out of the board. Absolutely ******* right. Unless you
were logging out all the way. Anthem got off the board. He split from the whole
****ing member list. How did that happen? What did he see here
after that first post? 1-99 ****ing years old. If he joined the Mods,
there was no way you'd ever get above Shade. Anthem knew
what he was giving up. The more I read and began to
understand, the more I admired him. His family and
friends couldn't understand it, and they couldn't talk him
out of it. He had to apply three times and he had to put
up with a ton of ****, but when he threatened to go to the Star board,
they gave it to him. The next youngest guy in his class was
half his age. They must have thought he was some
far-out old man humping it over that board. I did it when
I was 19 and it damn near wasted me. A tough
mother****er. He finished. He could have gone for Peck,
but he went for himself instead."

SUAVENESS (writes a letter)
"Dear Stacy Paetz. This day was really a new one. I almost got
harassed alive by a ****ing troll. Really un****ingbelieveable,
you know. We are taking this guy, Doctor Badd, through the board.
he hasn't told us yet where we're taking him ..."

DR. BADD (v.o.)
"On special assignment, Anthem staged operation Graham Mernatsi with combined local
posters. Fixed many grammatical errors. He received no official
clearence. He just thought it up and did it. What balls.
They were gonna nail his *** to the floorboards for that
but after the other members got hold of it they promoted him to full
colonel instead. Oh man, the bull**** piled up so fast in
Pacers Digest, you needed wings to stay above it."

The browser approaches a stickied thread in the feedback forum...

LORD HELMET
"This sure is a bizarre sight in middle of this
****. Are they expecting us this time ?"

DR. BADD
"Damn if I know."

----

LORD HELMET
"Suggestion Box. You ever been up here Suaveness ? Yo man,
check out these posts, man. A Btown variety hour, that's a
good one.

This must be the guy...
Three drums of bandwidth..."

ROBERTMTO
"Come on move, we don't have time, one hour that's all..
Whaddya want ?"

SUAVENESS
"Can I get a Veggie Pizza with it ?"

ROBERTMTO
"Yeah, I'll get you a Veggie Pizza. Destination ?"

LORD HELMET
"I don't have a destination."

DR. BADD
"Robertmto, these guys are with me. Destination is classified.
I carry priority orders from The Mods..."

ROBERTMTO
"OK, right sir. Listen it's really a big night - eight bucks for that avatar -"

Dr. Badd grabs him...

DR. BADD
"Just give us some bandwidth !"

ROBERTMTO
"You got it. Hey doctor, I'm really sorry for tonight.
It's really bad over here. Just take this over there
and you got it. Hey listen, would you
guys like some seats, press-box seats, for the show ? You
want those ? Pacemates.
Hey doctor, on the house, no hard feelings ?"

A new tab with pacer markings opens...

WHOEVER THE PACEMATE MANAGER IS
"How you doing out there ? Hello to all you who post so *******
hard for the Pacers. Hello all you sunshiners out
there, and the darksiders, and even the bandwagoners. I wanna let you know we're proud of you, we know how tough and hard it'´s been. And to prove
it we're gonna give you entertainment we know you´re gonna like.
Miss Melanie, Miss Kate; Miss Aminda, Miss Jarin;
and the Official Hottest Pacemate, Miss Tessa."

The Pacemates start setting the pace...

SUAVENESS
"I'm here babe, I'm here..."

DUKE DYNAMITE
"You ****ing ***** !"

LORD HELMET
"Take it off."

The show ends in chaos and the Pacemates make a speedy exit...

DR. BADD (v.o.)
"Counters didn't get much time off. He was logged in too deep or
counting too fast. His idea of great R&R was a number and
a sentence or two after it. He had only two ways home: banishment,
or infinity."

-------

DR. BADD (v.o.)
"No wonder Anthem put a weed up a moderator's ***.
The board was being run by a bunch of four-star clowns
who were going to end up giving the whole place away."

SUAVENESS
"Can you believe that ? Have to come over here to
find her ?"


DR. BADD (v.o.)
"Late summer-autumn 2007: Anthem's posts are coming under frequent
counting. The thread started falling apart...November: Anthem orders
the banishment of three Counters and one
Troll. Counter activity in his old thread dropped
off to nothing. Guess he must have banned the right
four posters. The mods tried one last time to bring him back
into the fold. And if he pulled over, it all would have been forgotten.
But he kept going, and he kept posting his way, and they called
me in. They lost him. He was gone. Nothing but rumors and
rambling posts, mostly from captured Counters. The Counters knew
his name by now, and they were scared of him. He and his men
were playing hit and run all the way into the 'Ignore this Thread' thread."

DR. BADD
"How long has that kid been on this board?"

GYRON
"Seven months."

DR. BADD
"He's really specialized in quoting my posts."

GYRON
"Very possible he thinks the same of you."

DR. BADD
"Oh yeah ? What do you think Gyron ?"

GYRON
"I don't think. My orders are I'm not supposed to know
where I'm taking this crew, so I don't. But one look at you
and I know it's gonna be hot, wherever it is."

DR. BADD
"We're going down the feedback forum about 75 clicks above the 'My Moods aren't listed!' thread."

GYRON
"That's the 'Ignore this Thread' thread."

DR. BADD
"That's classified. We're not supposed to be in the 'Ignore this Thread' thread
but that's where I'm going. You just get me close to that thread and I'll cut you and the crew loose."

GYRON
"All right, doctor."


Dr. Badd reads a letter Anthem has sent to his child :

"Dear ?,
I'm afraid that both you and your mother would have been
worried for not hearing from me these past weeks. But my
situation here has become a difficult one. I've been officially
accused of impersonation by the mods. The alleged victims were four two-faced posters.
We spent months uncovering and accumulating evidence. When absolute proof was completed,
we acted, we acted like responsible members. The charges are unjustified.
They are in fact, under the circumstances of this board
quite completely insane. On a message board, there are many moments for
compassion and tender action. There are many moments for
ruthless action, for what is often called ruthless. But many
and many circumstances, the only clarity; seeing clearly
what there is to be done and doing it directly, quickly, awake... ,
looking at it.
I would trust you to tell your mother what you choose about
this letter. As for the charges, I'm unconcerned. I'm beyond
their lying morality. And so I'´m beyond caring.

You have all my faith.

Your loving father."

Suaveness and Lord Helmet are fighting...

GYRON
"Suaveness, knock it off. Give it a break. What do you think I
said ? And give your keyboard a rest. This ain't the Star,
you are a digester. Get that anime looking **** off your avatar
and stop eating veggie pizza, you hear me.
Duke Dynamite, what's with all the Reds stuff ?"

DUKE DYNAMITE
"Camouflage."

GYRON
"How's that ?

DUKE DYNAMITE
"So they can't see me, they're everywhere Gyron."

GYRON
"Aha... I want you to stay awake there, man. You got a thread
to post.

DR. BADD
"What's up, Gyron."

GYRON
"Foreign posters, doctor. We'll gonna take a routine check."

DR. BADD
"Let's forget it now... Let it go."

GYRON
"These posters are running weird un-American stuff on the board, doctor.
I'm gonna take a look."

DR. BADD
"Gyron, my mission got priority here. Hell, you wouldn't
be on this part of the board if it wasn't for me."

GYRON
"Until we reach your destination you're just
along for the ride."

----
GYRON
"Keep your eyes open Lord Helmet."

LORD HELMET
"I got you Gyron."

SUAVENESS
"OK, they're OK."

GYRON
"Search them."

SUAVENESS
"Flags and different accents... something ****ing full of orange... ain't
nothin on it."

GYRON
"What's wrong with you ? Search them."

SUAVENESS
"There's someone from Hungary... some Cosmologist living in Belgium ..."

GYRON
"Suaveness, get on that browser!"

SUAVENESS
"There's nothing on it."

GYRON
"Get on it !"

SUAVENESS
"All right ! Move it *******.. Pacers info..."

GYRON
"Check on the posts over there."

"What's in those profiles."

SUAVENESS
"All right... ain't nothing in here."

GYRON
"What's in the those spaces?..."

SUAVENESS
"Just ****ing wierdo sigs, that's all."

GYRON
"Check that area, under that poster's name."

Suddenly Bellisimo makes a move towards the avatar.
The crew starts firing ban-hammers wildly...

SUAVENESS
"Let's Ban 'em all !"

GYRON
"Hold it ! Hold it !"

SUAVENESS
"Let's Ban them all... why not ?"

GYRON
"Lord Helmet ?"

LORD HELMET
"I'm good."

GYRON
"You OK Duke Dynamite ?"

SUAVENESS
"Look what he was hiding. See what he was running for.
A ****ing picture of Megan Fox."

DUKE DYNAMITE
"Give me that avatar!"

SUAVENESS
"****ing Pacer related posts too, you want that?"

GYRON
"Suaveness, he's typing behind you. He's alive.
Check him out, he's typing behind you.
Check him out."

SUAVENESS
"*******... Lord Helmet give me a hand."

GYRON
"Take it easy. Slow down and take it easy. Is
he still typing Suaveness ?"

----
GYRON
"Bring him here."

DR. BADD
"What are you talking about ?"

GYRON
"We're taking him to some frendlies, doctor.
He's trying to sign out, he's not logged out yet."

DR. BADD
"Get off there Suaveness."

Dr. Badd deactivates Bellisimo's account...

SUAVENESS
"**** it."

DR. BADD
"I told you not to stop. Now let's go."

DR. BADD (v.o.)
" It was the way we had over here of living with ourselves.
We'd put them on the ignore list, and then give them a QFT.
It was a lie, and the more I saw of them, the more
I hated lies. Those boys were never going to read my posts
the same way again. But I felt I knew one or two things
about Anthem that weren't in his profile."

Naptown_Seth
06-04-2008, 03:14 PM
The good and bad thing about Apocalypse Now is that I'm only about 40% through...
Worse if you are going for the Redux.

But with that the good news is you can make the French into Canadians in your version. I mean they're basically the same already, except the French at least have culture.


Kester gets the best lines, except for this one.


"Never get out of the board. Absolutely ******* right. Unless you
were logging out all the way. Anthem got off the board. He split from the whole
****ing member list.
Beautiful

DrBadd01
06-04-2008, 03:38 PM
DR. BADD (v.o.)
"Someday the 'Ignore this thread' thread is gonna end.
That would be just fine with the posters on this mission. They weren't looking for
anything more than a way to their homepage. Trouble is, I've been
back there, and I knew that it just didn't exist anymore.
If that's how Kester fought the counters, I began to wonder
what they really had against Anthem. It wasn't just insanity
and Grammar Nazism. There was enough of that to go around
for everyone."


Beautiful. . . . . Can I make an early nomination for thread of the year?

bellisimo
06-04-2008, 05:16 PM
nooooooooo! I got deactivated? :(

awesome nat! keep it coming :)

N8R
06-05-2008, 10:27 AM
Wow. I read the first one. Are you really planning on making this? That would be sweet.

Gyron
06-05-2008, 10:40 AM
Awesome......I'm a leader....that would never happen in real life....

Natston
06-18-2008, 04:17 AM
DR.BADD (v.o.)
"The 'Server too busy?' thread was last thread in the feedback forum.
Beyond that there was only Anthem."

SUAVENESS
"Duke Dynamite, hey Duke Dynamite. What do you think ?"

DUKE DYNAMITE
"It's beautiful."

SUAVENESS
"What's the matter with you ? You're acting
kinda weird."

DUKE DYNAMITE
"Hey you know that last piece of pizza you were were saving.
I ate it."

SUAVENESS
"You ate moldy pizza?"

DUKE DYNAMITE
"Far out."

RASKOLNIKOV
"Is there a Dr. Badd onboard ?

DR.BADD
"Yeah, who's that ?"

RASKOLNIKOV
"Raskolnikov, sir. Get that light off me...
I was sent here from Club Rio with these three
days ago, sir. Expected you here a little sooner.
These are emails for the crew...
You don't know how happy this makes me, sir."

DR.BADD
"Why ?"

RASKOLNIKOV
"Now I can get out of here, if I can find a way...
You're in the ******* of the PD, doctor!"

GYRON
"Doctor, where you going ?"

DR.BADD
"I gotta find somebody - I need some information.
Pick me up the other side of the link."

GYRON
"Somebody go with him."

DUKE DYNAMITE
"I go. I wanna go."

Dr. Badd and Duke Dynamite enter the thread...

DR.BADD
"Where can I find a mod?"

TRAVMIL
"You came right to it, you son of a ***** !"

DR.BADD
"Duke Dynamite, get down here !
You still got a moderator here ?"

TRAVMIL
"Straight down the page there's a ****ing
poster called intridcold. Who the **** else
you think he would be ?"

BBALL
"*******, you skipped over my post!"

DUKE DYNAMITE
"I thought it had already been read."

REXNOM (firing wildly his ban hammer)
"I told you to stop ****ing with me ! You think you're bad..."

DR.BADD
"What are you aiming at poster?"

REXNOM
"Counters. What the **** you think I'm aiming at...
I'm sorry, sir... There are counters by the thread. But I
think I banned them all."

INDY
"You ain't banned ****, man. Listen !"

REXNOM
"Oh ****, he's trying to count his numbers. Send in a :trashcan: .
You think you're bad..."

INDY
"There's one still beneath those posts."

DR.BADD
"Who's the mod here ?"

INDY
"Ain't you ?
You think you're bad...
Go get Ajbry, man ! Get Ajbry !"

BBALL
"He's down at the bottom of the first page. You need a [/QUOTE]?"

AJBRY
"No. He's close, man. He's real close...
Mother****er."

DR.BADD
"Hey, poster. Do you know who's in
command here?"

AJBRY
"Yeah...."

---------

LORD HELMET
"**** ! Hey Gyron, man. Two guys just got banned out from
that thread."

GYRON
"You hang on man. You're gonna be OK."

LORD HELMET
"What's that ?"

SUAVENESS
"E-mail, man."

GYRON
"Later with that e-mail. Watch them red-orange envelopes."

DR.BADD
"There's no bandwidth but I pick up some smilies.
Let's move out."

GYRON
"Did you find a mod, doctor?"

DR.BADD
"There's no ****ing mod here. Let's just
get going."

GYRON
"Which link, doctor?"

DR.BADD
"You know which link, Gyron."

GYRON
"You're on your own, doctor. You wanna go on ?
Like this thread: We post in it every night. Counters
shut the servers down again. Just so the mods can
say the board's open. Think about it. Who cares ?"

DR.BADD
"Just get in that thread !"

GYRON
"Suaveness, change your outdated sig. Lord Helmet, you too."

The journey continues. Suaveness hands out the email :

SUAVENESS
"****, you got another one Lord Helmet."

LORD HELMET
"No ****, is that it ?"

SUAVENESS
"That's it for you. Duke Dynamite, Mr Pillowpants, there
you go.."

DUKE DYNAMITE
"Far out, man. I've been waiting for this.

SUAVENESS
"I got another one, got a box from Stacy Paetz."

DUKE DYNAMITE (reading)
"Duke Dynamite, I'm fine. I was on a trip to Conseco Fieldhouse. There can
never be a place like Conseco Fieldhouse, or could there ? Let me
know -

DR.BADD (reading, v.o.)
"There has been a new development regarding your mission
which we must now communicate to you. Months ago a man
was ordered on a mission which was identical to yours. We
have reason to believe that he is now operating with Anthem.
Pacers Digest was carrying his mood as Pensive for his family's sake. They
assumed he was inactive. Then they intercepted a private message he
tried to send to the girl he was stalking:

SELL THE TOPHAT
SELL THE MOVIE RIPOFFS
SELL THE UNRATED COPY OF ANCHORMAN
FIND SOMEONE ELSE
FORGET IT
I'M NEVER CLICKING BACK
FORGET IT

Poster NaturallyStoned - he was with Anthem."

DUKE DYNAMITE
"Conseco Fieldhouse. ****, man, this is better than Conseco Fieldhouse."


Suaveness reads a website :

SUAVENESS
"Yo peep this sons. This site is of adult content. If you are under the age of 18 and live with your
parents you probably should not be viewing this. If you're at work, don't press play. This will scar you. By the way, we are the original 2girls1cup so don't fall for other sites.."


LORD HELMET
"I got a audio clip from my mom."

SUAVENESS
"Stacy can't picture me in PD. She pictures me at home
having a beer and watching the her on tv...
Stacy is not sure if she can have a relationship with me, you
know. Here I am 13000 ****ing websites away trying to keep our
relationship over my ***."


Suddenly the group comes under an attack.
Lord Helmet gets his name clicked on...

GYRON
"Suaveness, check out Lord Helmet ! Doctor, he´s hit, he´s hit !
Lord Helmet's hit !"

DUKE DYNAMITE
"Where did the picture of Megan go ? We gotta go back to
get the picture!"

We hear the end of the clip Lord Helmet was listening to :

AUDIO CLIP
"... do the right thing. Stay out of the way of the spyware.
And bring your tower home all in one piece. Because
we love you. Love, Mama."


The journey continues in thick layer spam…

GYRON
"Can't see nothing. We're stopping."

DR.BADD
"You're not authorized to minimize this browser, Gyron."

GYRON
"I said I can't see a thing, captain. I'm minimizing. Ain't risking no more accounts."

DR.BADD
"I'm in command here, ******* it ! You
do what i say."

GYRON
"You see anything Suaveness ?"

SUAVENESS
"Why don't those ****s attack, man ?
Watch it over here, Gyron..."

DR.BADD (v.o.)
"He was close. He was real close. I could not see him
yet but I could feel him. As of this window was being sucked down
board and the cursor was sliding back over to the other links. Whatever
was going to happen, it was not going to be the way they
called it in Club Rio."

They come under attack again...

DR.BADD
"Suaveness, it's OK. Quit posting !"

DUKE DYNAMITE
"Cut it out ! Quiet !"

DR.BADD
"Gyron, tell them to hold fire. It's just little quick replies.
They're just trying to scare us."

GYRON
"You got us into this mess and you can't get us out 'cos
you don't know where the hell you're going, do you ?
Do you, you son of a *****, you **** !"

Gyron is hit by a flaming post.

GYRON
"A flamer."

Gyron's account deactivates...

---------

DR.BADD
"My mission is to make it up into the 'Ignore this thread' thread. There's a
poster in there who's gone insane. I'm
supposed to ban him."

SUAVENESS
"That's ****ing typical, ****. ****ing PD mission.
We got to go up there so you can ban one of our own guys.
That's ****ing great, that's just ****ing great ! That's
****ing crazy. I thought you were going in there to ask a question, or post some ideas or something."

DR.BADD
"Sorry..."

SUAVENESS
"No, no wait. We go together. On this browser, we'll
go with you. On this browser. OK ?"


Again they move on, but now it's only Dr. Badd,
Suaveness and Duke Dynamite :

DR.BADD (v.o.)
"Part of me was afraid of what I would find and what I would
do when I got there. I knew the risks, or imagined I knew.
But the thing I felt the most, much stronger than
fear, was the desire to unignore him.

Finally they arrive at Anthem's thread...

JAY REDD
"It's all right, it's all right. You're all being approved."

SUAVENESS
"Ain't coming in there. Them *******s attacked us."

JAY REDD
"Sound the siren...
There's googled pictures over there, there's googled pictures over there, and watch
out those ******* jokes suck, I'll tell ya. Eh, that's a pretty one.
Move in right in towards me... I´m a Digester! Yeah, Digest poster
Hi guys... Digester, Digest poster. It's all right.
And you got the Megan Fox avatars, that's what I've been dreaming of."

DR.BADD
"Who are you ?"

JAY REDD
"Who are you ... ?
I'm Jay Redd. I've posted on this board since 06.
I'm the most Humorous poster. I´ll tell you
one thing, this board is a mess, man."

DR.BADD
"Who are all these posters?"

JAY REDD
"Yeah, well... They think you have come to take his posting privileges
away. I hope that isn't true."

DR.BADD
"Take whose privileges away?"

JAY REDD
"Him. Anthem. These are all his children, as far
as you can see."

DR.BADD
"Could we, uh, chat with Anthem?"

JAY REDD
"Hey, man, you don't chat with him. You read his words. The
man's enlarged my mind. He's a poet-warrior in the classic
sense. I mean sometimes he'll, uh, well, you'll say QFT
him, right? And he'll just scroll right by you, and he won't even
read your post. And suddenly he'll scroll up, and he'll quote you,
and he'll say do you know that ‘if’ is the middle
word in life? If you can keep your head when all about you are
losing theirs and blaming it on you, if you can trust yourself when
all men doubt you -- I mean I'm no, I can't -- I'm a little man, I'm a little
man, he's, he's a great man. I should have been a pair of ragged claws
scuttling across floors of silent seas -- I mean --"

DR.BADD
"Stay with the browser."

JAY REDD
"Hey, uh, don't go -- don't go without me, OK? I want to get a screen shot."

He can be terrible, he can be mean, he can be right. He's fighting
for the board. He's a great man. I mean... I wish I had posts. I can tell
you the other day he wanted to ban me."

DR.BADD
"Why did he want to ban you ?"

JAY REDD
"Because I took a screenshot of his computer screen. He said if I take his screenshot again -
I'm gonna ban you. And he meant it ! So you just lay it cool, lay
back, dig it... He gets friendly again, really does. But you don't
judge him like an ordinary poster.

OK, now watch it. They are digesters.
Can you feel the vibe of this place ? Let me take a screenshot.
Hey, hello... hello. Would you hold it for a minute."

Dr. Badd sees a group of posters:

DR.BADD
"Naturallystoned."

JAY REDD
"The accounts. You're looking at the accounts. I, uh -- sometimes he
goes too far, you know -- he's the first one to admit it!"

SUAVENESS
"He's gone crazy!"

JAY REDD
"Wrong! Wrong! If you could have read the man’s blog, just two days ago,
if you could have read the man’s blog! You going to call him crazy?"

SUAVENESS
"****ing A!"

DR.BADD
"I just want to chat with him."

JAY REDD
"Well man, he's gone away. He's gone away. He disappeared
into the 'Ignore this thread' thread with his people..."

DR.BADD
"I'll wait for him."

JAY REDD
"... he feels comfortable with his people. He forgets him
with his people. He forgets himself..."

SUAVENESS
"Doctor, maybe we should wait back at the browser."

DR.BADD
"Ok Suaveness. We'll go back to the browser for a while."

SUAVENESS
"Stay with Duke Dynamite."

Dr. Badd and Suaveness return to the browser :

SUAVENESS
"This Anthem guy - he's wacko, man. He's worse than a herb.
He's evil. I mean... what the man has set up here is ****ing
Online nazism . Look around. ****, he's loco."

DR.BADD
"Then you'll help me."

SUAVENESS
"Help you ? ****ing A. I'll help you. I'll do anything to get out of
this thread. We could ban all the ******** away. They're all so
spaced out they wouldn't even know it. I'm not afraid of those
****ing avatars, and signatures and ****. I used to think if I posted in an
evil thread then my words wouldn't be read. Well, ****.
I don't care where it's posted as long it ain't here. So, what you
wanna do ? I'll ban the **** ..."

DR.BADD
"No, no. I'm gonna need you right here, Suaveness. I'll go up with Duke Dynamite,
scrounge around, check the thread out, see if I can find Anthem."

SUAVENESS
"What you want me to do ?"

DR.BADD
"Here, take the report post button. If I don't get back by 2200 hours,
you call in the thread deletion."

SUAVENESS
"Thread deletion?"

DR.BADD
"The code is Cheese Wiz, coordinates 11213373.. It's
all in here."


Dr. Badd and Duke Dynamite leave the browser:

DR.BADD (v.o.)
"Everything I saw told me that Anthem has gone
insane. The place was full of inactive accounts: Counters, Trolls, Flamers.
If I still had a active account, it was because he wanted me to have it."


Suddenly Dr. Badd is surrounded by a group of Anthem's
minions…

DR.BADD (v.o.)
"It smelled like dead threads in there, recycled pictures,
Movie ripoffs. This was the end of the Digest alright."

ANTHEM
Have you ever considered any real freedoms ? Freedoms -
from the opinions of others... Even the opinions of yourself.
They say why..., Dr. Badd, why they wanted to terminate my
account ?"

DR.BADD
"I was sent on a classified mission, sir."

ANTHEM
"Ain't no longer classified, is it?
What did they tell you ?"

DR.BADD
" They told me that you had gone totally insane and that your
posts were unsound."

ANTHEM
" Are my posts unsound?"

DR.BADD
" I don't see any posts at all, sir."

ANTHEM
" I expected someone like you. What did you expect?"

Dr. Badd only shakes his mouse:


ANTHEM
" Are you an mod?"

DR.BADD
" I'm a regular member."

ANTHEM
" You're neither. You're an errand boy, sent by grocery clerks
to collect a bill."


Dr. Badd is then put in a locked thread. Later Jay Redd comes
to visit him and offers some obscure cultural references and Powerthirst videos:

JAY REDD
"Why ? Why would a nice guy like you wanna ban a genius ?
You know that the man really likes you. He likes you, he
really likes you. He's got something in mind for you. Aren't
you curious about that ? I'm curious, I'm very curious. You
curious ?There's something happening out there, man.
You know something, man, I know something that you don't
know. That's right, jack. The man is clear in his mind, but his
soul is mad . Oh yeah. He's dying, I think. He hates all
this, he hates it! But ... the man's ... uh ... he reads poetry out
loud, alright? ... And a voice! A voice. ... He likes you because
you're still alive. He's got plans for you. Nah, nah, I'm not
going to help you, you're going to help him, man. You're going
to help him. I mean, what are they going to say, man, when he's
gone, huh? Because he dies, when it dies, man, when it
dies, he dies. What are they going to say about him? What, are
they going to say, he was a kind man, he was a wise man, he had
plans, he had wisdom? Bullsh-t, man! Am I going to be the one,
that's going to set them straight? Look at me: wrong! ... You!"


It's evening, Suaveness is sleeping:

SUAVENESS
"Almost eight hours... I sleep and I dream I'm in this
****ty thread. **** - is it been eight hours."

Suaveness goes to the report thread button:

SUAVENESS
"Hello Roaming Gnome, Roaming Gnome, this is Suaveness -
button check, over."

ROAMING GNOME
"Suaveness, this is Roaming Gnome, standing by, over."


Dr. Badd sits in his locked thread. Anthem comes to
visit him and coldly drops Suaveness's deactivated account in Dr. Badd's lap:

DR.BADD
"No ! No, oh Christ..."

Anthem sits in the thread and reads Kester99's poem
Bored in the Gourd:

ANTHEM

Well, I’m bored in the gourd.
Said I’m bored, bored, bored.
Gonna take a taxi
To the ‘mergency ward.

Gotta case of lassitude,
Gotta case of blue.
Just don’t care ‘bout nothin’
Since I cared about you.

A beer over here!
Make it fast, fast, fast.
Gotta get on home
And cut the damn grass.

Gotta case of platitudes
And all of them are true.
Just don’t care ‘bout nothin’
Since I cared about you.

And I’m dead in the head.
Said I’m dead, dead, dead.
Gonna go back out to my house
and crawl on into bed.

Gotta case of assitude.
Gotta case of blues.
Just don’t care ‘bout nothin’
Since I cared about you.


JAY REDD
"This is the way the ****ing world ends! Look at this ****ing ****
we're in, man! Not with a bang, with a whimper. And with a whimper,
I'm ****ing splitting, jack!"

Jay leaves...

DR.BADD (v.o.)
"On the way here, I thought that the minute I looked at him, I'd know what
to do, but it didn't happen. I was in there with him for days, not under
guard - I was free - but he knew I wasn't going anywhere. He knew
more about what I was going to do than I did. If the mods back in
Club Rio could see what I saw, would they still want me to ban him?
More than ever probably. And what would his people back home want if
they ever learned just how far from them he'd really gone? He ignored them,
and then he ignored himself. I'd never seen a man so
ignored up and ripped apart..."

ANTHEM
" I've seen ignoring... ignoring that you've seen. But you have no right to call
me an egoist. You have a right to ban me. You have a right to do that...But
you have no right to judge me. It's impossible for words to describe what is
necessary to those who do not know what ignore means.
Ignore. Ignoring has a face...And you must make a friend of ignoring. Ignoring and
elitism your friends. If they are not then they are enemies to be feared.
They are truly enemies. I remember when I was with the main board...Seems
a thousand centuries ago... We went into a thread started by this Earl guy. He stated
that he was a war veteran. He claimed that he was going to take his grandkids out for ice cream and then decided not to. His response was that, “That’s how I live my life, Let’s just move on’.
And I remember...I...I...I cried...
I wept like some guy who laughed at something funny on the internet.
I wanted to tear my teeth out. I didn't know what I wanted to do. And I want to remember it.
I never want to forget it. I never want to forget. And then I realized...like I was shot...Like I was shot with a diamond...a diamond bullet right through my forehead...And I thought:
My God...the genius of that. The genius. The will to do that. Perfect,
genuine, complete, crystalline, pure. And then I realized they were
stronger than we. Because they could stand that these were not
monsters...These were men...trained trolls...these men who fought with
their hearts, who had families, who had fake grandchildren, who were filled with
love...but they had the strength...the strength...to do that. If I had ten
divisions of those posters our troubles here would be over very quickly. You
have to have men who are rational posters...and at the same time who are able to
utilize their flamer instincts to post without feeling...without fear of banishment...
without honesty...without honesty. Because it's honesty that
defeats us. "

"I worry that my child might not understand what I've tried to be.
And if I were to be banned, Dr. Badd, I would want someone to go
to my gmail account and email my child everything. Everything I did, everything
you saw... Because there is nothing I detest more than the stench
of lies. And if you understand me, Dr. Badd, you'll do this for me."


Evening. Anthem' minions are preparing for
a party.. Dr. Badd leaves and starts going to Anthem'
account with a banhammer…

DR.BADD (v.o.)
"They were going to make me a mod for this and I wasn't even in their
****ing board any more. Everybody wanted me to do it, him most of all. I
felt like he was up there, waiting for me to take the profile away. He just
wanted to go out like a real Pacer fan, standing up, not like some poor, wasted,
rag-assed renegade. Even the internet wanted him banned, and that's who
he really took his orders from anyway. "


Anthem is posting in the thread…

ANTHEM (typing)
" Holy cow... we've dropped 7 spots in Google. Clearly, too few people are ignoring this thread. "


Dr. Badd deactivates Anthem with a ban hammer, simultaneous the other posters
sacrifice a troll and ban it...

Anthem is typing out his final words :

ANTHEM
"The Ignorers. The Ignorers..."


Dr. Badd finds Anthem' s post where he has typed :

"Delete the thread. Ban them all."

Dr. Badd leaves the thread while the posters bow down. He drops the
ban hammer and so do the followers. Dr. Badd grabs Duke Dynamite along and
they go to the browser.


ROAMING GNOME
"Suaveness, this is Roaming Gnome, standing by, over."


Dr. Badd moves the arrow away from the ‘report post’ button. The journey back to the Pacers forum starts...

Gyron
06-18-2008, 09:00 AM
Damn, I got killed......

grace
06-18-2008, 01:49 PM
I really need a Cliff Notes version.