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Shade
02-07-2006, 04:06 PM
Yep, even if they suck. Submit them for our approval and/or scorn. ;)

I'll start things off:


The original "Fantastic Four" consisted of Chuck Norris, Mr. T, Vin Diesel, and Bruce Lee. They broke up shortly after an argument between Chuck and Bruce concerning a bag of Cheetos, which resulted in the real cause behind Bruce Lee's death. "Fantastic Three" just didn't have the same ring to it.


Chuck Norris can hear lightning and see thunder.


Mr. T's mohawk is actually a fool-detecting radar that emits subtle waves of pity.


When watching Walker, Texas Ranger, do you ever wonder what happened to all the other texas rangers? Chuck Norris doesn't.


Mr. T can block roundhouse kicks. Chuck Norris is immune to pity. The stalemate continues.

Pig Nash
02-07-2006, 04:10 PM
Chuck Norris only sells those crappy machines because he is....







































(see what happens when you question Chuck Norris?)

scar
02-07-2006, 04:38 PM
Chuck Norris once had sex with a giant rodent. The result was Tom Brady.

Since86
02-07-2006, 05:02 PM
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a freaking Indian.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris doesn’t churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

AHH, I'll just post the link

http://www.absath.com/?p=183


I think this is the best one

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship. :laugh:

317Kim
02-07-2006, 05:12 PM
Chuck Norris had a brain-freeze, he exhaled and caused an ice age.

Stryder
02-07-2006, 05:35 PM
My favorite is still:

Chuck Norris CAN divide by zero.

(This is not my quote, just my favorite Chuck FACT...)

___________

I'm such a dork...haha...

I'm not funny enough to come up with new quotes.

Shade
02-07-2006, 05:38 PM
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a freaking Indian.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris doesn’t churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

AHH, I'll just post the link

http://www.absath.com/?p=183


I think this is the best one

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship. :laugh:

You're supposed to post your own, plagiariser. :tongue:

btowncolt
02-07-2006, 05:47 PM
www.freechucknorris.com

Shade
02-07-2006, 05:52 PM
www.freechucknorris.com (http://www.freechucknorris.com)

There was nothing about a free Chuck Norris anywhere in that link. :tongue:

btowncolt
02-07-2006, 05:54 PM
There was nothing about a free Chuck Norris anywhere in that link. :tongue:

Are you trying to quantify Chuck in terms of dollar amounts? Blasphemy!

travmil
02-07-2006, 05:55 PM
Chuck Norris was the producers first choice for the lead in Jurassic Park. However, Chuck had already killed every dinosaur on the island before the opening credits stopped rolling, and the movie had to be shot again with Sam Neill and Jeff Goldblum.

travmil
02-07-2006, 06:14 PM
When Neil Armstrong stepped off the ladder during the first moon mission, he found Chuck Norris waiting for him. Mr. Norris arrested him for trespassing, then roundhouse kicked the capsule back to the Earth. This of course was edited out of the broadcast footage, a fact that still has conspiracy theorists buzzing to this day.

pollardfreek
02-07-2006, 08:25 PM
Here's one I sent into the website. Haven't checked to see if I made it in though:

In college Mr. T once took a bath with 5 Icelandic models. A man named Lipton bottled the substance and sold it. Iced T is still the greatest beverage in the history of the world.

Shade
02-07-2006, 09:53 PM
Here's one I sent into the website. Haven't checked to see if I made it in though:

In college Mr. T once took a bath with 5 Icelandic models. A man named Lipton bottled the substance and sold it. Iced T is still the greatest beverage in the history of the world.

Not bad. :laugh:

Shade
02-07-2006, 10:00 PM
Chuck Norris knows where the beef is.

Shade
02-07-2006, 10:09 PM
75% of all suicides occur when people realize they're not Chuck Norris. The other 25% occur when people manage to roundhouse kick themselves through various windows.

Shade
02-07-2006, 10:14 PM
Chuck Norris once scored 101 points in an NBA basketball game. This is not acknowledged in the record books because those who observed the accomplishment could not handle the sheer awesomeness of it and immediately forgot the whole thing.

Shade
02-07-2006, 10:17 PM
Chuck Norris is responsible for every urban legend ever told. And they're all true.

Shade
02-07-2006, 10:18 PM
Chuck Norris once visited the middle east while he was thirsty. This is the cause for current inflated gas prices.

Shade
02-07-2006, 10:22 PM
Cows wish to become T-bone steaks. It's the closest they will ever come to the awesomeness of Mr. T.

Frank Slade
02-07-2006, 10:23 PM
Chuck Norris is made up of 100% biodegradeable plastic.. So he is Earth Friendly
:hug:


Mr. T's Jewelry equals the GNP of 4 Third World Countries Combined :cool:


Chuck Norris eats 16 porcupines each day for breakfast (with ketchup)

Shade
02-07-2006, 10:23 PM
Mr. T always wins in a wishbone tug. And usually ends up with a human arm as a nifty souvenir, as well.

Shade
02-07-2006, 10:24 PM
Fort Knox is actually empty. All of its contents rest around Mr. T's neck. This is the ultimate form of security.

Shade
02-07-2006, 10:28 PM
The entire life of Chuck Norris has been chronicled. We refer to this as the bible.

Shade
02-07-2006, 10:32 PM
Mr. T was actually the first superhero, but his comic book was cancelled because every panel depicted Mr. T standing with his arms folded while his enemies imploded. This was far too much action for 10 cents a month.

Shade
02-07-2006, 10:34 PM
The term "chuck" came about when Chuck Norris threw a man into the sun.

Pig Nash
02-07-2006, 10:36 PM
That reminds me that Chuck Norris chooses three children to throw into the sun on his birthday every year. The children have to advance through six rounds of roundhouse kick competitions to have that priviledge.

Shade
02-07-2006, 10:37 PM
Area 51 refers to the number of aliens Chuck Norris ate before they fled back into space in fear.

Shade
02-07-2006, 10:39 PM
Chuck Norris did not invent the roundhouse kick, but he did invent the roundhouse kick-related fatality.

Shade
02-07-2006, 10:41 PM
Chuck Norris threw the cup. When Ron Artest realized who had done it, he ran toward a random observer instead. Ron still owes Chuck a replacement beer.

Pig Nash
02-07-2006, 10:42 PM
Chuck Norris will not do anything for a Klondike Bar, a Klondike Bar will do anything for Chuck Norris.

Shade
02-07-2006, 10:48 PM
Ever wonder what happened to the New Kids on the Block? Not Mr. T.

Shade
02-07-2006, 10:51 PM
Chuck Norris once sweated into an empty Pepsi bottle. Thus, Crystal Pepsi was invented.

MarionDeputy
02-13-2006, 08:49 PM
The Titanic was not sunk by an iceberg, Chuck Norris was working out in the gym, and round house kicked the hull by accident.

Shade
02-13-2006, 09:39 PM
Chuck Norris will not do anything for a Klondike Bar, a Klondike Bar will do anything for Chuck Norris.

Did you submit that?

http://www.4q.cc/index.php?pid=fact&person=chuck&id=NDY3Njc=


Ask not what Chuck Norris will do for a Klondike bar, ask what the Klondike bar will do for Chuck Norris.

That was in the Top 100.

Pig Nash
02-13-2006, 09:56 PM
No, I didn't, but I hadn't heard it before. But glad to know my idea spread independent of me.

OhMyGodHeFumbles
02-19-2006, 09:40 PM
Chuck Norris threw the cup. When Ron Artest realized who had done it, he ran toward a random observer instead. Ron still owes Chuck a replacement beer.


:applaud::laugh::champions

Arcadian
02-21-2006, 03:05 AM
A biologist was once laughed off the stage at a confernce for suggesting that the fruit fly's one day life span was due to the pity Mr. T emitted. The next year the disgraced scientist returned with Mr. T. While there are no survivors to confirm what happened next, it is generally believed out of the events which transpired the phrase "dropping like flies" was coined.

heywoode
02-21-2006, 11:00 AM
A biologist was once laughed off the stage at a confernce for suggesting that the fruit fly's one day life span was due to the pity Mr. T emitted. The next year the disgraced scientist returned with Mr. T. While there are no survivors to confirm what happened next, it is generally believed out of the events which transpired the phrase "dropping like flies" was coined.

Best one so far! :laugh:

Pig Nash
02-21-2006, 06:34 PM
When Chuck Norris tells you to give him your shoes do it, because if you don't Papa'll need more than a new pair of shoes, he'll need a new face.

Ralph Snart
02-22-2006, 01:14 PM
Chuck Norris is so bad, he kicks his own *** twice a day.

Hicks
02-24-2006, 12:21 AM
The city of Atlantis is hiding from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't speak Klingon. Klingons speak Chuck Norris.

Fool Chuck Norris, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris twice, be raped again.

Chuck Norris once broke up with Ellen Degeneres. She never tried again.

Chuck Norris once rolled a pig in a blanket. What transpired next inspired cooks everywhere.

Shade
02-24-2006, 11:16 PM
The city of Atlantis is hiding from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't speak Klingon. Klingons speak Chuck Norris.

Fool Chuck Norris, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris twice, be raped again.

Chuck Norris once broke up with Ellen Degeneres. She never tried again.

Chuck Norris once rolled a pig in a blanket. What transpired next inspired cooks everywhere.

Pretty good, especially the third one. :laugh:

Hicks
02-25-2006, 01:10 AM
Recognition! :happydanc