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SoupIsGood
01-30-2006, 05:31 PM
I thought some of these were pretty funny.

These are the winners of the "worst analogies ever written in a high school essay" contest.

<hr align="center"> He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
-- Joseph Romm, Washington



She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
-- Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station




The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
-- Russell Beland, Springfield




McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
-- Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring




From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
-- Roy Ashley, Washington





Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
-- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge




Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
-- Russell Beland, Springfield




Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake
-- Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills




Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
-- Unknown




He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
-- Jack Bross, Chevy Chase




The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
-- Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring




Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like"Second Tall Man."
-- Russell Beland, Springfield





Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
-- Jennifer Hart, Arlington




The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
-- Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.




They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
-- Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.




John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
-- Russell Beland, Springfield




The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
-- Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria




His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
-- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge




The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.


http://www.interweavers.com/brett/humor/analogies.html

Pig Nash
01-30-2006, 05:38 PM
Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like"Second Tall Man."
-- Russell Beland, Springfield

I don't see anything wrong with that one. Seems pretty descriptive to me.

Diamond Dave
01-30-2006, 05:53 PM
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
-- Roy Ashley, Washington



OMG this is brilliant.

:spitout: :rotflmao: :applaud:

317Kim
01-30-2006, 06:08 PM
:laugh:


Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
-- Russell Beland, Springfield

What a heart throb..he'd take my breath away! :lmao:

SoupIsGood
01-30-2006, 06:10 PM
What a heart throb..he'd take my breath away! :lmao:


It was a she.... :D :laugh:

Pig Nash
01-30-2006, 06:12 PM
I think she was referring to the author.

317Kim
01-30-2006, 06:35 PM
I think she was referring to the author.

:nod: Yes I was

SoupIsGood
01-30-2006, 06:36 PM
:nod: Yes I was


Doh, Kim wins again

317Kim
01-30-2006, 06:38 PM
Doh, Kim wins again

Kim 3 plus a good deed

Others -6.2

Knucklehead Warrior
01-30-2006, 07:27 PM
These are not HS.
They are from the Bulwer-Lytton fiction contest.
www.bulwer-lytton.com As I remember.

Kat
01-31-2006, 10:34 AM
I don't see anything wrong with that one. Seems pretty descriptive to me.

I liked it too. :shrug:

McClintic Sphere
01-31-2006, 10:50 AM
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
-- Jennifer Hart, Arlington


Ha. Best reminiscence of 8th grade math.

pacers31tc
02-02-2006, 07:20 PM
I don't know if this counts, but Steve Francis once said his team "was the worst thing since sliced bread."

317Kim
02-02-2006, 07:23 PM
:laugh: sliced bread? wow..

Raskolnikov
02-02-2006, 07:25 PM
These are my favourites:

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
-- Jack Bross, Chevy Chase

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
-- Russell Beland, Springfield