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View Full Version : Pig Nash Pontificates: A Farewell to Arms



Pig Nash
01-12-2006, 02:09 AM
Well I suppose that since the Artest era's end is drawing nigh, I should give him a little farewell.

Dear Mr. Artest,

I remember it like it was yesterday, or a few years ago, whichever. We're not seeking a trade to send off Jalen, we already found one! Brad Miller, Ron Mercer, and Kevin Ollie have all moved on and you are about to be our last and most longing memory of the Bull trade.

You finished the season so very well. I remember many of the Pacers fans picking you as their favorite player on the court, and I count myself as one of those fans. You brought so much intensity, so much desire. You played tremendous defense and your offense improved continually. The Pacers couldn't get past the Nets but the future looked so bright.

But then the first obvious signs of you being a problem began to surface to the Indiana fans. I know some will debate this and say he's always been like this, but I don't remember anyone calling for your head until the 2003 season. We were 34 games above five hundred at the all star break and you were well on your way to DPOY. 12 games missed due to suspensions, including the destruction of the TV at Madison Square Garden changed all that though.

You were showing your signs of weakness and the Pacers were upset by a weaker Boston Celtic team in the first round of the playoffs after sputtering into them. We went out and got Rick Carlisle to sooth the savage beast that was this team and give it direction. All was set up for you to dominate and lead Reggie and the Pacers to the promised land.

But then the Detroit Pistons happened, and the block happened, and you couldn't carry us past the Pistons by yourself even though you didn't have to. This season was your coming out party to the world. You helped us get our 61 win season banner, you were an All Star, you won DPOY, you were on your best behavior, and you got almost nothing but praise from the media. You were so happy.

Then the powers that be traded away Baby Al to remove the glut at forward. They got another fiery player from the Atlanta Hawks: Stephen Jackson, a prolific scorer and someone with Finals experience and a Ring. This was to be Reggie's curtain call, his last hurrah, his comeuppance. And you were going to lead him there.

It certainly looked that way to begin the season. You and your team mates looked ready to dominate the rest of the NBA. You couldn't miss a shot and by November 19 the Pacers were 6-2 and about to beat their hated rival the Detroit Pistons on their home floor. The only problem seemed to be a silly one with your Record. All was almost right in the world, or so it looked.

And you proved that looks are deceiving. After the game was already decided, Ben Wallace went up for a layup and you fouled him a little to hard for his liking. Words were exchanged, he pushed you in the face, you lied on the scorers table, the cup was thrown, and well…you know the rest. You betrayed us again. 9 games into it, you destroyed Reggie’s last season, and gave the organization a black eye. But maybe it was all a blessing in disguise. Reggie was able to lead this team to the same fate as the 61 win team by placing them on his old back. And our less than stellar record and some odd happenings in the NBA draft landed us Danny Granger.

All was set up for your departure. Most fans were done with you. But Larry Bird, Donnie Walsh, and the rest of TPTB stood behind you. They helped you with your mandated anger management and never sought to trade you publicly. Larry appeared with you on the cover of Sports Illustrated. Maybe that was the curse that brought it all crashing down. You made it 17 games before you betrayed us for the last time. You went to the Indianapolis Star and demanded a trade. You confirmed it on Fox Television. You never went to Donnie or Larry with your problems. Instead you made a spectacle of yourself like you always do. That’s why this one hurt the most though, because we knew it was coming. We tried to forgive or forget. We tried to cheer you on. But, you don’t care about us.
You were a beauty to watch. A power unequalled in the NBA, a tough heart, a tough body: you had all the basketball skills in the world and you played the right way once you took care of your flagrant problem. But you could never get your head right, and so you’re off to Sacramento where some head cases go. You’ll fit right in, even if you aren’t playing for the big show in LA. I actually hope you do well, but I don’t expect it. You’ll find some reason to become unhappy with the Kings.

We get Peja Stojakovic in return, who is a nice player. He’s no Ron Artest though. He just won’t ever be on your level, but that’s the price we pay for hanging on to you to long. For letting ourselves be betrayed. To be a complete dork, I’ll use a Star Wars reference. You are Anakin Skywalker. You were the CHOSEN ONE. You were to bring balance to the Force! But instead, you’re Darth Vader, the evil Sith lord. So that’s why we say goodbye and good riddance. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out. Pardon me if I do a little jig.

Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye
He'll never love you, the way that I love you
'Cause if he did, no no, he wouldn't make you cry
He might be thrillin' baby but a-my love (my love, my love)
So dog-gone willin'
So kiss him (I wanna see you kiss him, wanna see you kiss him)
Go on and kiss him goodbye
Na na na na, hey hey-hey, goodbye
Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye

Listen to me now
He's never near you to comfort and cheer you
When all those sad tears are fallin' baby from your eyes
He might be thrillin' baby but a-my love (my love, my love)
So dog-gone willin'
So kiss him (I wanna see you kiss him. I wanna see you kiss him)
Go on and kiss him goodbye
Na-na na-na-na na na na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye

Hey hey-hey, goodbye
Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye
Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye
Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye [repeat many times and fade out]

Jon Theodore
01-12-2006, 03:01 AM
you love granger

CableKC
01-12-2006, 03:05 AM
Pig Nash.....with the way that the Odom for Artest, then Murphy for Artest rumor turned out....don't send your letter too soon.

For all we know....we have another month of this to go through.

Unclebuck
01-12-2006, 09:42 AM
Great job PN. As soon as it becomes official I'll be doing my tribute to Ron post. Might be a little different from yours though. haven't decided exactly what mine is going to say

Pig Nash
01-12-2006, 07:40 PM
Oh, I know it's not final. I'll edit it for truth! if indeed this is not where he goes, but I've had this in my head since he announced his trade demand. Also I just love how I get to use pontificate.

Pig Nash
01-12-2006, 11:42 PM
Great job PN. As soon as it becomes official I'll be doing my tribute to Ron post. Might be a little different from yours though. haven't decided exactly what mine is going to say

By the way, am I the only one who relishes when UB praises me? Now all I need is to get Peck and Jay to like me. But seriously, thanks. Just wanted to give a vanilla version of the events; a fair and balanced look or something like that. Not so opinionated.

Pig Nash
01-25-2006, 11:03 PM
Edit'd for truth, switched maggette for peja.